I Joined a Cult. This is how they convinced me to join (Cult Psychology 101)

The FSSP (Fraternitas Sacerdotalis Sancti Petri) is a little known group of traditionalist who lead me to trying to join an ancient order of Carmelites and never see the outside world again. These two groups have held onto the customs, beliefs, and practices of the high-medieval Catholic Church. Here's a psychological reflection on how high-control religions work.

00:00 - Intro
01:04 - Why I Was Susceptible
04:26 - A Sense of Belonging
06:37 - Weaponization of Language
08:53 - Simple Meta-Narrative
11:23 - Undiagnosed Neurodivergence
14:28 - Being in the Closet
15:53 - Cognitive Re-Programming
22:03 - Final Thoughts

[kodyduclos]

Dude. The way you’re talking about this stuff puts it into words so well. I see the church in a very similar light at this point. I went to Catholic school and was very devout as a teenager. Facing my sexuality in my early 20s was a catalyst for me to break free of the fear-based intellectual bonds keeping me subject to the Church. It is so scary to let go of these beliefs! But I’m in a great place now. Would love to chat with you more about this stuff if you ever wanna hmu! Great work

[declankelly]

You are so articulate in making your case for the dangers of religion and cults... especially for gay people. Its amazing that you have acquired this knowledge so young. This video will help many. Thank you.

[Nontradicath]

"If people tell me I'm wrong, then I must be right!" - This was probably the most damaging part of the whole thing for me. I grew up knowing how different my little community was. We were not "worldly". I was that kid who, once I went to a public school, argued with my biology teacher about evolution. And he, respectfully, told me I was very very wrong haha - but that only proved to me that I was right! Living in a community like the Trad community really does warp the way you think.

[sia]

Thank you for sharing! I went off my rocker a bit during COVID and ended up becoming religious as a mentally unstable, completely lost, self hating 24-year-old woman and it derailed my life for a solid 2 years. Deconverted this year and taking my power back from not only religion but all the magical thinking and woo that I entertained for far too much of my life.

[joshrobertson]

Wow this hits close to home. So glad I've come across your channel! I was born and raised in a very Catholic family, went to Catholic school my whole life and joined the Catholic Society at my university which pushed me further and further into the trad life. I served the Mass as a kid all the way into my mid 20s. I served the Latin Mass, taught others to serve it and fully organise Missa Cantatas at my church. I did that all while hiding my true gay self in the closet for years and years. It's funny you mentioned your undiagnosed neurodivergence because when I look back at my life, that totally makes sense. I was only diagnosed with ADHD in 2023 and I can absolutely see how I used to hyperfocus on the liturgy much. After doing an exchange semester abroad in 2017, I eventually stopped going to church as often, I cut off all the rad-trad friends I had and started coming out to people. Now I consider myself an agnostic and really only go to church on Christmas and Easter with my family. Even though I've left the cult, I still struggle with being comfortable with myself since I was in soooo deep and it feels like I've lost such an integral part of my life.

[alternativepause]

Thanks for your videos. I didn’t even have the language to express this even in my adult years. I just ignored my feelings and acted like nothing was happening. As early as 3rd grade I was bullied for being gay (I didn’t know it yet) and when I turned to my parents they told me stop acting gay and they would stop. From whoopings, to conversion attempt I went silent on the topic. I tried to be cool, class clown, people pleaser and My grades plummeted, and it’s almost like life didn’t matter to me, I didn’t have real plans after graduating, and my early adult years I made a lot of mistakes. Telling my closest friends saved my life.

[MTheChequeGuy]

I’m a 47 year old gay guy and I was very much in the same boat you were as a teenager. I started teaching middle school CCD when I was 19 and jumped in with both feet into Roman Catholicism - fast forward to today, I’m a proud member of the Episcopal Church… I’m no longer a second class member of the church and society, but an integrated and valued member.

[thescoobymike]

The more I learn about cults, the more the patterns become clear. They all have their distinctions and ways to differentiate themselves from other cults, but the patterns are there. I’m glad you mentioned things like credibility-enhancing displays. These tactics are important for people to know about so they can spot them early. It’s like a tumor you want to take care of asap.

[nathanielolson]

I’m sorry all that has happened to you, and I’m glad you’re taking time to heal from all of that trauma and abuse. Healing takes time but it’s worth the wait.

[ryankelley]

I grew up super trad cath while my family remained apathetic. Was thinking of being a priest in the institute of Christ the king sovereign priest, a super trad Latin mass organization, but as I came out as gay as a junior in high school, the hatred and inconsistencies of the church started making themselves known. I’m now happily married to my husband. Thank you sharing your stories and know you definitely aren’t alone.

[shadix]

I'm genuinely so confused and concerned with how many Catholic community groups end up adopting cult-like tendencies. I was in one at my college called SPO, and while I don't think the organization was going out of its way to try to be cult-like, our particular branch had some of those warning flags and things got freaking weird for a while.

[noodles]

I sometimes wonder how people feel when they grow up in queer affirming denominations.

[victoriaStephens-Lagos]

This is crazy! I've had such a similar story... yet still attending an extremely catholic university and finally came out to my parents. Thank you so much for sharing this story and creating a new community!

[confessionsofafailedradtra]

Thank you for another great video Cade. I’m going on two years out of trad Catholicism and so far I’ve had very few people reach out or check up on me. I guess Christianity charity only goes as far so long as you are in the club or not. I may never get back the years and experiences I’ve lost, but I know that I can look forward to new years and experiences on my own.

[SaintHoseaHermitage]

Your story brings back memory when I joined a Catholic youth community. They tried impose their rules on me. But I had a critical mind and questions silently what they try to impose on me. It was this community that makes me feel the love of Christ and what it means to be Church. But when they started to suggest to bar gays joining the community, I began to feel uncomfortable. And because I was already a leader, I got my own followers and we break away from them. It was painful, at a very young age, at 23 then, I was already exposed in Church politics. Then I studied theology, not in a local seminary, but in a progressive Theology School. I just ignore what the hierarchy is saying. I just do what I must do. I even resigned from my position in the diocese so that I would be free to express myself and my teachings too. And now here in Canada, I kept myself distant from the hierarchy, though I have friends in the religious communities here that collaborates with me.

[JavierGarcia-jgxp]

Thank you very much for sharing this, Cade. I am glad you left that. You made many very valid points here. I also used to be a Catholic who believed all their dogmas and teachings. I left the Catholic Church over forty years ago. I believe in God on faith, but some of the nicest and best people I know are atheists and agnostics. I happen to be gay. I am an Episcopalian now. This church is very gay-positive. I feel very comfortable in the Episcopal Church. All the best to you.

[victoriaStephens-Lagos]

your point on the sophistry is so important!!! I am taking a moral theology course and understanding that once you translate it (although they won't let you) you finally realize how radical it truly is!

[DanielAgbor]

This is eye-opening. I've been involved in the trad groups for over 5 years. You are right in all you've mentioned regarding them.

[Tea-hi]

Reading all these comments, I think we're all feeling generally the same thing. Going through this radical cycle, and then slowly recovering from it. Thanks so much for shedding more light on this topic.

[James-csvg]

Hi there, 25 yr old guy from the UK here. I had a really similar experience as you (also gay) I fell into the trad world in my early 20s and especially during Covid.

I left a few months back and haven’t been to church since, losing my faith entirely and really fast has been extremely traumatic. Im really disturbed about the things I believed and how I was involved in passing that on to others.

My secular friends don’t really understand the Church and especially not the trad side of things, and I can’t blame them for that. I am lucky to have their support. For my friends still in that world (who will very likely become ex-Friends as more find out about me leaving and why) they probably will never fully understand why I left.

I don’t know if I should expend effort trying to change their minds, I don’t know if I would even want them to lose their faith because it’s so traumatic. I do want there to be more media deconstructing their ideas though, there is not nearly enough content out there covering it.

Sorry for rambling on, I have so much more I wish I could say as I can see you really understand this. But thank you, I am so glad you are free and happy, I really hope I can have that peace with myself soon.

From another gay ex-trad across the pond.