A needlessly thorough roast of Dear Evan Hansen (2021)

I don’t just roast I incinerate.

Click the title under which you posted Evan Hansen’s speech to the internet:

Parts 2, 8, and 10 do not contain triggering content but might be confusing out of context. Except Part 2 that one stands on its own legs.

Chapters:
00:00:00 Intro
00:00:38 Part 1: The Story
00:02:46 Part 2: Ben Platt wants an oscar but he is 45 years old
00:11:44 Part 3: Mommy why is the scary man singing
00:19:49 Part 4: Sincerely, Me
00:24:25 Part 5: The romance with the sister
00:28:34 Part 6: His best friend d*ed… you won’t believe what he did next!
00:32:01 Part 7: The stupid Kickstarter
00:36:33 Part 8: The Jared character has no point and makes no sense
00:39:51 Part 9: The stuff I liked
00:41:57 Part 10: The editing
00:44:48 Part 11: The lie
00:52:18 Part 12: Is Evan the bad guy
01:01:16 Part 13: Nothing happens
01:08:28 Part 14: Trees

[trtx]

Carry yourself with the confidence of Julianne Moore singing "truck."

[MacheteSquad]

Regarding Ben Platt's t-rex arm mannerisms- It's pretty clear that the reason why he does tiny gestures because Ben Platt is used to the stage giving him full range of movement, and in the film adaptation he is stuck in my tiny tv. If he gestures too widely he'll hit the side of the screen.

[Chlo]

During If I Could Tell Her, when Ben Platt was advancing on Zoe with that depraved look in his eye my friend whispered "he's got a knife" and it was the most enjoyment I got out of this movie

[Jacobyeavello]

Movie could've been fixed if they added a scene right at the top where Evan looks to camera and says dryly: "I can't believe I was held back ten years in a row"

[owenleal]

Its kinda badass of Connor's actor to finnesse both the best and shortest role in the film, show his emotional range by playing both a sad emo version and a charismatic show toons version of the same character and then cut out of the film before he has to do anything else. Literally the perfect acting reel.

[darbyfitch]

“Pretends to know a girl’s dead brother so he can get together with her” is like some It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia shit

[edgarallenhoe]

I love how the inciting incident of this story relies on Evan having a therapist, and then that therapist promptly drops off the face of the earth for the rest of the story.

[kimveter]

A version of Dear Even Hanson where his lie gets found out when Connor reveals that he faked his own death only for him to return at the beginning of the 3rd act

[RHBR]

"Maybe Evan's not a nice boy. Maybe he's just a quiet boy." Seeeeriously. A lot of people have trouble understanding that "quiet" or "shy" or "introverted" does not mean "nice". Just because someone's not loud and flashy about being a jerk doesn't mean they're not one.

[VultureSkins]

The line “maybe Evan is not a nice boy, maybe he’s just a _quiet_ boy, ” legitimately gave me chills

[punkpossum]

This movie is unintentionally very good at depicting social anxiety because 28 year old Ben Platt in ghoulish teenager cosplay accurately depicts how I think I look in any given social situation

[greathorn]

Ben yelling “I his face desperately attempting to escape his head, while slowly approaching Zoey as the camera stays entirely still is absolutely horrifying

[whoisxenon]

Ben Platt saying no one else could possibly play Evan is made 1000% funnier when you remember that his fiancé also played Evan Hansen on Broadway

[Forestfreud]

“Maybe Evan is not a nice boy. Maybe he’s just a quiet boy.” Another Jenny quote I will remember forever

[Politoed]

connor's family at thanksgiving in 5 years like "remember that creep with the caked on foundation that sang pop songs at us"

[allywallyeffect]

the part where he flatly belts out “i love you” to zoey with his sickly mannequin yellowish face and his buggy eyes while he slowly approached her closer and closer... as a high-school age girl that would genuinely scare me and activated my fight or flight response just seeing it on a screen

[WhatAmySays]

Evan always looks like he's trying to hide the fact that he's been bitten by a zombie

[gillygull]

I know this video is a year old at this point, but I want you to know that if an orchard “closes”, they have to rip all the trees out. Because the trees could become a hotbed of disease and pests if left unattended, they have to be removed to protect other farms in the area. Due to the nightmare cost of that, orchards generally don’t close, they just get sold to other farmers.

Source: Apple farmers in the family

[roosterboots]

Can't believe they cast 54 year-old Fred Armisen as the teenage lead here, but kudos to him for trying something new

[anti_fragile]

Physically can't get over the way Ben walks and moves in this. It's like a horribly exaggerated version of someone with anxiety. Like they told him "nobody will be able to tell your character is anxious unless you walk around like you're missing a few vertebrae"