Getting Feedback is Hard, Here's My Trick!

I know I'm inviting a bunch of feedback by making this video, but it's something that needs to be said regardless.

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[itsgonnabeokai]

For me the hardest part isn't sorting the good vs bad feedback, it's being overwhelmed by feeling of rejection, my brain goes right into "I'm terrible, nobody likes me, I should move under the bridge cause that's the only place I deserve" and I have to spend days building up tolerance until I can actually fully read and understand the feedback. And I have this reaction even when I know for certain that the feedback is actually very positive.

[lawjamesr]

I was taught growing up that you should take feedback with a grain of salt if it’s not from someone you’d feel like a compliment would be meaningful. Basically, if a compliment from them would feel deep and meaningful, then feedback/advice is likely to be on the same level. It’s not 100%, but is good for quick, in-the-moment judgement.

[raysunshine]

100% relatable. "Used to being wrong" "Assuming others know better" "You're doing as you're told and carry this childlike mentality into adulthood"
Thank you for making this video, I feel so seen. It's rare for me to relate to every word but that's exactly the case.
I've learnt to filter what I'm told, too, but I'm yet to reach balance in it.
Your videos often help me to start doing things when I feel stuck and can't stay focused or start doing smth. I often rewatch some of them just for the sheer enthusiasm or relatability, they give me the motivation planks. A few days ago I managed to finish the book translation in time thanks to them for the 1st time! And it was my 4th translation.
Thank you very much for this channel, I can't express enough how much it helps me.

[quenyasansel]

Here is some feedback for you. Six months ago I stumbled upon my first video of you and today I got my diagnosis. My life has been a struggle to say the least, and now, because of you, I have a potential future to look forward to. If not for you, I may have never known. I owe you so, so much.

[StormsofPeril]

I struggle with feedback so much. I'm not confident in my decision making abilities, and would rather have someone else make the decision for me

[rebeccahbare]

I recently thought of this as a mom. I have an 11 year old and I want to let her figure out who she is. It is incredibly tempting to give to much advice on things that are subjective. My current attempts have been to ask more questions than directions. She’s a smart and competent person. Will there be times to intervene, yes. But I don’t need to tell her how she should do everything. Letting her make her own mistakes and choices. What I want for her shouldn’t supersede what she wants for herself (obviously age appropriate).

[outsidethewall]

The single most life-changing feedback I ever got from a therapist was that I "practice stress". Something about framing stress as an action rather than a state of being helped me so much. Because while most of the things I stress about are genuinely valid things to stress about, I also won't ever give myself a moment of relief if one stressful thing resolves. It's always "ok cool that's done so now I can focus more on stressing about this other thing". Like my default state is to stress and if I run out of majorly stressful things I will simply find something else to be stressed about. So the solution to that for me was not to try and stop stressing but rather to "practice relaxation". So make an active effort each day to do something relaxing or enjoyable for myself and allow myself to put my stress aside for a little while and recuperate. This way, to use a metaphor from a previous How to ADHD video, I'm actively filling my bucket back up a little bit each each day so that when I do stress, it isn't leaving me as high and dry and bent out of shape as it used to. I still lose sight of this sometimes but when I apply this to my life it makes a huge difference.

[Jamieleanne]

As a Highly sensitive person i completely agree .. im 38 now and only realised this year ive ADHD. Looking back, every time i got "feedback" i always took it as criticism. I always thought, why cant i do anything right? So for a long time i was always defensive when having a meeting with my boss or whatever. Now i realise its better to respond than react to the feedback. Im learning so much thanks to your channel. ❤

[SeanGHOB]

I don't have ADHD (as far as I know!) but I often find that the advice and techniques you talk about are very useful. Today's video was one of those times. Thank you.

[clarysagemannoroth]

I love the 50%/25%/25% rule. This is SO timely. I always try to do as I'm told but it doesn't always help. It's cost me a lot over the past couple of years. Thank you ❤

[naudiaangelica]

A piece of feedback that changed my life.. "I see you're very service oriented. You realize the first act of caring for anyone is to take care of yourself. This will allow you to approach everything from a better place, and give much better service to others." Basically stating that taking care of my needs is not selfish. But in a way that I could understand.

[ruaoneill]

2:54-3:08 I nearly cried. I thought I was the only one who experienced that extreme loss of sense of self. I'm working really hard to try to gain that sense of who I am, but it's really hard and sometimes I think it's too late. But mostly I think I'm going in the right direction. Thank you so much for making this video and making me feel less alone.

[twothirtyfours]

I work as a VFX artist for movies, tv and video games and most of my work involves receiving feedback from clients or senior artists. For me, coming into feedback sessions with the mentality of "I know nothing and this is just for improvement of the product" allows me to take things in and not take them personal. Also, when the person giving me the feedback is completely honest with me and doesn't try to sugar coat the feedback, I work better.

[deejed]

Thanks Jessica !
Also, on the topic of feedback. Maro, the lead designer of magic the gathering, said that players are really good at identifying problems but really bad at solving them. I feel that holds true for feedback in general. You touched on this in the video, but figured I’d mention it /bring it up for discussion as well!

When I’m beta testing a new escape room, I will politely listen to feedback on what I need to change, but what helps me most is seeing/hearing about the bottleneck points and puzzles. Then I can work on a fix. Sometimes it’s as simple as needing more light in that area, or adding additional cluing. Though most beta testers usually want to give me their opinion on how to fix things (or just tell me that puzzle sucks and should be removed 😂)

[Roses]

This video really resonated for me. As a fellow sensitive person, I also find it challenging to accept feedback (either positive or negative). It’s such a wonderful reminder that we don’t have to own or absorb every bit of feedback, and have the ability to choose what feedback we accept and maybe try to implement, and what we leave behind. Thank you for this important reminder. I felt like everything you said was spot on. 😊

[captainrags]

I really identify with not having a strong sense of self… For so long I was just trying to be what other people said I should be. Honestly I’m still figuring things out, but I never realized it could be related to ADHD. Thanks for sharing this

[CrimsonKas]

This is so helpful! The 50/25/25% feedback rule is something I’d never heard of before and is such an eye opener.

I tend to struggle with feedback where a person isn’t directly stating the problem. I’ve had a boss who tried to be a little too tactful with feedback to the point that I didn’t realize I was supposed to be reading between the lines and applying it to myself. Someone else I knew was like this, too, and I just couldn’t grasp why they were telling me these stories until much later. I need feedback to be kind, but also direct and to the point.

[mariamshah]

I’m a writer and taking feedback is really hard for me. I took a poetry class last semester where the whole class was about writing poems and getting feedback on them. I’m really grateful for that experience because it helped me sort through feedback logically instead of emotionally. I take things less personally now and I’m better at deciding what I want to do and what I don’t want to do.

[HeatherD-qzft]

This is a hugely important topic to me as I move into PhD study. I've never had so much constructive feedback, and I'm finding it difficult to process. When the stakes are high, and we care about the person giving the feedback and their opinion of us, so too are the emotions, which makes it hard to do the filtering process Jessica describes so well. I'll be following the comments for tips! Thanks for reminding me that it's me who gets to choose what feedback I take and discard, Jessica!

[Raelunil]

I just got my official ADHD diagnosis today. I never would have realized I even had ADHD and needed to investigate if not for your videos, so THANK YOU!!❤