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Believe- Brooks & Dunn cover

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;I’ve always been envious of the people who didn’t need proof. I was so afraid of God when I was younger I had nightmares that my doubts sent me to hell. Still, I prayed every night that he would help my family. When my dad lost his 17 year battle with addiction, it felt like the ending of a book. A ceiling to my worth. Kentucky is the #1 state in the nation for child abuse and neglect, always top 10 for drug use and overdose. Im hardly alone. As a kid standing sideline to the fits of addiction and withdrawals, I didn’t understand that it wasn’t my fault...You don’t get that that’s not what love is. You watch someone be good, someone that anybody would love to be around, and then one day they’re not. The confusion, the fear, it’s just paralyzing. I always thought it was up to me to be better. Up to me to fix it. So I reached out to God persistently with that prayer. When dad passed, it felt like I wasn’t good enough or God didn’t care. Like, we had a bargain dude? I short circuited trying to be perfect for years for you and you didn’t fix it. THOUSANDS of prayers. And the only one I truly cared about not answered? Believing is still a challenge for me. Intellectually. Emotionally. I hope I get to see my dad again. Because, sober, he was Superman. Some days I just can’t get there. I have a Mamaw and Papaw who are convinced. And it’s an understatement to say that they made up for EVERYTHING. I lean on their understanding because they are way smarter than I am. This song reminds me of them. All the pain they went through doubles mine and their light still shines on me unconditionally. I’m okay with God and unconditional love being synonymous. Because I’ve seen him through them. And I know if there is a God out there that he gets it. He knows I believe in being kind. That I believe in love. He knows I practice it. And he knows I’m doing the best I can to use this and everything that came from it to help other people. It’s the whole point of making this new music. It starts with me being honest. With me being 100% authentic, always. Me probably losing a lot of people/fans. Then again, maybe it was all meant to be this way. I’m working on it.
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