Mad Tsai - in my head (Official Music Video)

hi my loves--

there's so much to say. this song is probably the most special song that i've ever released, and it means the world to me that i can give it to the world now. for those who don't know, my original plan was to release a different song to follow up stacy's brother, but my grandmother unfortunately passed away in december from her battle with cancer. she was my favorite person in the entire world, and we used to play this song for her while she was in the hospital. i wanted this song to come out in her honor and to create a short film that would connect into the world that i've been creating with this project. this song is dedicated to my amah, who was the most special person in my life. i hope you all can resonate with this song and that it connects to a part of you. love you all.

(p.s. for those who caught on, yes, i did interpolate avatar the last airbdender into this song!!)

- mad

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go stream!

follow me!

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Starring: Mad Tsai and Sam Vicchiolo
Story/Concept by Mad Tsai
Directed by Eliot Lee
Produced by Tali Weizman
Executive Producers: Galileo Mondol & Lopes
Production Company: BT Studios
1st AD: Tay Thai
Production Manager: Nour Sayeh
Production Coordinator: Natalie Jastrow
Director of Photography: Gabriel Araujo
1st AC: Max Riley
Steadicam Operator: Garet Jatsek
Gaffer: Matthew Pang
Key Grip: Nathan Kadota
Swing: Eric Crain
PA: TJ Gormley
Photographer: Jake Miller
Stylist: Mad Tsai
VHS Cover Design by Lucy Andrews
Edit by Eliot Lee
Color by Cameron Marygold (Ethos Studio)
VFX by Justin Nguyen

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in my head (lyrics):

your starring role
played the part of my lover
heart spilled but ran through the gutter
maybe i’m better off walking home

broke my heart
said our love was like movies
i’m not the one that you’re choosing
god why do i always love alone

but in my head you never left
and at the start i’d fix this end
so in another world we’d be again

but in this life i’m not complete
you found someone I can’t compete
so guess I’m stuck with loving you inside my head

cause in another world we’d be again

i know it’s selfish to wish that you’re hurting
just to prove it was worth the
pain and the joy that you put me through

we’re slow dancing in grocery aisles
pretend to hear our wedding bells
oh tell me baby
where did we go wrong?

cause’ in my head i’m on your bed
we’re singing songs from 2010
and i pause every frame to see you smile again

but truth is we weren’t meant to be
you own my heart but lost the key
so now you tell me bout’ the new lover you met

so guess i’ll keep our story in my head

do you ever think of me
the pieces of what we used to be
just meet me at the place inside my mind

our world goes on and on
and we keep on dancing to this song
i live in little moments and rewind

but in my head i don’t pretend
i never lost my only friend
cause’ in another world we’d be again

but in this life i’m not complete
you found someone I can’t compete
guess happy endings only happen in my head

[some_mice]

every time when someone like this comment i come back and listen this song again

[Olive___]

Knowing that Stacy’s Brother was all in his imagination makes this ten times sadder

[sunshne]

if you guys didn’t know :
this song was already hinted before but it was hinted to his grandma first
sadly, she passed away in december
thus the message “for Amah”
sorry for your loss Tsai

[abcdefg]

Damn what a long line "guess happy ending only happens in my head".

This line broke my heart and got me in tears. *crying rn

[Lunawolf]

A continuation of “Stacy’s Brother”? Oh I can already tell it’s gonna be amazing IM SO EXCITED

[tcrowley]

OMG just heard Mad Tsai for the 1st time and I'm 51 years old crying from being reminded of a x bf that I still wonder if he thinks of me today. So many happy beautiful memories that ended with us both balling our eyes out as I took him to the airport and him being forced to go back home to China because his parents found out about us. We were only 30 years old at the time but hearing this song made it feel like it happened just yesterday!

[iamamiraclearmy]

I already know I will have this one on loop. Mad Tsai never failed to gave us amazing song and music video. We love you Tsai. The LGBTQ+ community just feel better with you. Thank you 💛

[ZemoalsoknownasMayo]

People that want a continuation of this where they get back together👇

[Jhonnyboi]

The fact that this song is a sad truth that happens to a lot is the true pain. We go thru this thought in our head, a happy one, we never want to think of what bad can happen until we let it happen. And as the song says “cause happy endings only happen in my head”, we’re happy cause their in it until they actually leave, probably forever. Thank you tsai 💜

[nwunyev]

So sorry for your loss, Mad. The pain becomes bearable with time. I remember when I lost my Mma nukwu, I was so sad that I shaved my hair in grief. She was a gruff, statuesque woman with a penchant for overfeeding her grandkids. Your Amah is never truly gone because you keep her in your heart.

[MrZzippoZ]

I only recently discovered Mad Tsai, and while I've only heard the music, I would like to thank him for his content. I didn't grow up in an outright homophobic household, however, certain expectations were always...expected. The content that this young man makes dramatizes the person I wish I was when I was younger. Proud, confident in who they are, and willing to express themselves in both a theatrical and genuine way. I've been bumping Boy Bi acoustic on my way to work on the daily, when it comes on the playlist, it's always a recentering moment. An entertaining and playful song, whilst also expressing an insecurity that I'm sure some of us are all too familiar with. Keep on rocking in the free world Mad Tsai, excited for everything you do.

[nicoleespinoza]

IVE FOLLOWED HIM SINCE 2020 AND NOW HE'S MAKING AMAZING MUSIC.

[Sophie_Xiong]

This song genuinely made me cry. I’m going to be graduating this year and I’m going to be leaving so many of my friends behind. This song has always made me feel a sort of nostalgia that I’m very thankful for❤❤❤

[shreshthadavi]

I did not expect the constant ATLA musical references, just makes me love the song even more❤️

[fernandosilvarios]

It's really incredible how an independent artist can make an amazing masterpiece... imagine what he is capable to create with the support of a record label or music producer?

[lucass]

Okay but can we talk about how genius the music video is? Like, not only is it so so creative, but also extremely well made, and both Mad's and Sam's acting is spot on. Obviously though I can't go without appreciating the song itself, it's raw and beautiful, it's painful and honest. Big thanks to everyone who worked on this, and to Mad - i can picture your grandma being so so happy that you released it in her honour. Congratulations!!

[SJ]

This song hits me hard when I just know that "I love you" at the beginning was your grandma voice ❤

Sending all the love to you and family.

[orderation]

This ATLA inspiration is beautiful... I’ve never been more touched before, since avatar has always been special and key to me. Congrats on releasing this amazing song.

[manolingz]

When I was younger all these happy fantasies were all in my head, now that I am old and happily in my third relationship I still have the fear of living alone in my senior years.

[kenny]

I shed a tear knowing as I’m close to graduating high school that this love problem (break ups, etc) is something I’ll never experience. I’m so grateful for the content you create. It allows me to envision and mourn the teenage life I could never have had. I only hope I grow up to be confident and fully authentic. Because as sad as this is I don’t wish for this all to be in my head. For once I want to have a real true moment that exists out of my phone and mind. Ty ❤❤