The balance of pain and pleasure: how to improve your life fast

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The asymmetricality of pain and pleasure is one of the most infuriating aspects of being alive. Not only are there many more different flavors of pain than there are of pleasure, pain is generally experienced as being more painful than pleasure is pleasurable. This means, in order to have a non-miserable life, you need significantly more pleasure than pain. The same is true in your relationships. In this episode, I'll discuss John Gottman's "magic ratio" of positive-to-negative experiences required to make relationships flourish.

Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
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#pleasure #relationships #love

[OldMoneyLover]

This video is too underrated, the 5:1 ratio is the key to life.

[modickens]

I agree and this phenomenon explains why you could do 5 favors for a friend, say or do 1 negative thing and the friendship may very well end. Especially during these sensitive times, where anything short of praise and adulation can be viewed as a negative experience. I also think expectations play a role, the lower the expectations of any scenario the more likely satisfaction will occur. High expectations may sound good but its also a road to misery especially where people are concerned.

[nilighosh]

Thank you. Relationships are more satisfactory and more likely to continue when the individuals develop and maintain similar interests and continue to share their important values and beliefs over time. Over time cognition becomes relatively more important than emotion and close relationships are more likely to be based on companionate love, defined as love that is based on friendship, mutual attraction, common interests, mutual respect and concern for each other's welfare.

[stochasticxalid]

This explains and reenforces the concepts of " Gift of your Absence" and " Less is way More"...

[idlehourlinda]

As I think about it I realize that I always try to avoid pain more than I try to seek pleasure. This is a very interesting way to frame it.

[stevensolof]

That's a good stat to keep in mind.

My concern though would be whether a constant frame of mitigating negative interactions could lead to too much confrontation avoidance. After all, some things really do need to get addressed and could lead to a negative interaction.

Perhaps this video could be coupled with a "pick your battles" type of video.

[ladyboss]

Wonderful video and I totally agree. To achieve this balance one needs tons self control and discipline. Don’t get carried away with pleasure and eliminating the feeling of being left out.

[AnRodz]

Agreed. If we diminish the negative the positive will reign supreme in everyone's mind.

[maria.]

Thank you, this is a valuable perspective to me 🙏

[ontheline]

5 to 1 positive interactions in relationships at least
got it

[iana]

Fix the inputs and outputs will fix themselves. It's the law of sowing and reaping.

[PharmacyTechLabs]

The only pain I want to experiance is Fifty Shades of Grey! lol

[rainerminusunfug]

Hm, but isn't that the intuitive approach by most couples anyway? Trying to reduce the negative interactions? Or is it just me? And at what cost do we do so? See, I was pretty avoidant in the past and it served me well in the sense that I avoided conflict and negative interactions indeed. *But I paid a price for that, because as a consequence I only seldomly got what I wanted.* Which kind of beats the purpose of a sexual realtionship. Or any relationship for that matter. *You get what you tolerate.*

So the follow up question for me here is: how to get into conflict or rather, how to get what you want w/o ending up in a negative interaction?

[saltpepper]

5 to 1!!?? Is this realistic? I think it's too high and not that achievable.

[Chimalmita]

Actually, when this ratio drops to one negative to 5 positive, people tend to get divorced.

[Citizen-byvw]

I've often thought that about life, how the levels of pain you can you can experience are far greater than the levels of pleasure you can experience; one of the primary reasons I hate God (I believe, but I don't like Him).