A Failure To Launch?

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The phenomenon of the failure to launch is often talked about but rarely do people explain its genesis or for that matter the genesis of success...

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It reminds me of a principle in game theory. I can't remember the exact details, but it's said psychologically, the person playing the game has to win at least 36% of the time in order to remain engaged in playing the game. If it's any less, any person of sane mind will stop playing, same applies with gambling, of you play 9 hands of poker and lose them all, you'd be a fool to ante up for a 10th. Society is making sure it wins every single round, so some people just aren't going to play anymore. Whether society has the ball or not.

ghost-facedhindu
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No friends, no prospects for a GF. I remember back in University ... seems so long ago now. All our classes were screwed up by campus construction. None of our classes were in the rooms assigned to our schedules. A massive blunder on the their part. I walked into one of the campus lecture halls, it was my very first day. I saw this woman holding a book that was assigned for my class. Thinking we might be in the same class, I approached her and asked. She was very pretty. I'll never forget the look and body language. The curse of being neurotypical is that if you're paying attention, you can spot these in half a second. Slight lip curl in disgust, minor turn of the torso away from me, books moved against her chest in one hand in a slight protective posture/closed body language. Narrowing of the eyes indicating suspicion, monotone voice, short curt responses, getting out her phone almost immediately.

Made me feel like a bug. No warmth, no connection. Not even the smallest platonic gesture. In what world is one to take positivity from that? It sounds autistic as I described it here, but it's really not. It's actually basic stuff. There were no open doors. So I'm supposed to just barge in? How's that supposed to work. Interactions with friends weren't much better. I'm not interesting in playing social gatherings and interactions with that sort of response.

primroan
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The average man's experience in modern society is 1 star on Yelp. The entire apparatus is set up to shame him into working as hard as his grandfather did for none of the incentives his grandfather had. 'Failure' is a shaming term. As Paul Proteus put it, it's more correctly a 'Refusal to Launch'.

The average casino understands that most of its intake will be paid out in 'comps' to the gamblers; it has a statistically-controlled approach to know how much profit it will gain each day. The experience is sufficiently lavish that even if you lose you still leave feeling you 'got' something for the experience.

Modern society has no such attitude towards the average man.

SupremeCannon
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This reminds me of people who claim to be "self-made", and try to convince everyone that it's all due to hard work and dedication. So many people are unable to see all the times they were lucky/blessed in their journey.

For every successful person, there are hundreds, maybe thousands of just as capable people who just never got a lucky break...

tizodd
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After two failed marriages, constant Legal battle, a lost company and now a body that Will No Longer function this makes me think. I am kind of a faillure. It might have been different. However when I was 18 years old I lost a friend of that same age. I often think of that, and cannot help but feel gratefull that I was given many extra Moons.

jeejkee
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A failure to launch = I don't have honest people in my life.

LOUDMOUTHTYRONE
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I reached my breaking point almost 3 years ago. After a divorce and 2 long term relationships, accumulating to 17 years. I literally had no love left to give. If I had somehow mustered up the gumption to get into another relationship, and THAT one failed, it would've ended me. Too much time/money wasted. I learned my lesson, I'll never participate again, and I also sympathize with the men that do reach absolute rock bottom and can't get back on the horse. Eventually, after so many disappointments, hope does fade. I've seen it.

me
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I work in the aviation industry. There are countless people who once dreamed of becoming professional pilots, but for one reason or another, their journey was cut short. The journey to becoming a professional pilot (at least in the United States) is unbelievably expensive, and the process is fraught with pitfalls. It requires a certain amount of luck to make it through, yet most of the younger pilots you talk to will cite their singular work ethic as the reason they succeeded in having their dream career. The older pilots are generally more humble in this regard.

saxachewon
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It doesn't help that these days, everything is a micromanaged world championship of square millimeter pissing. People just don't want you to step into the light, or their perceived light. You can't be just good at something, you have to simultaniously be brute force or conniving in order for it to work for you. Good luck being an upstanding person in this day and age.

dutchbiker
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Well said. We need at least one win once in a while. Effort is not worth it if there is no merit, nothing to be gained.

THETRIVIALTHINGS
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Just after I was listening about the lack of motivation via the learned hopelesness mechanism, as by definition; a cause of a continuous negative feedback loop, all interactions are failed, the subject learns that they have no control over anything that happens.

digitally_ascended_conscio
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what doesn't kill you only gives you PTSD

KYLE-zobm
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No attachments no suffering. Ability to walk away from everything & everyone. Oneness is blissfulness & freedom

massimobargagna
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Honestly I just feel like I dont have anything to look forward to. I feel like I "know to much." As arrogant as that sounds. I've seen enough bs so far that it's hard to believe in anything. I can find flaws in any positive picture, and flip it around to show the ugly truth. People don't like that, so I just keep my mouth shut and continue existing for the sake of existence. I have no motivation or reason to try, other than money.. which, in itself is nothing more than a relief from suffering.. just trying to make this meaningless life more comfortable to exist in.. but in the pursuit of money, it becomes more uncomfortable, and that meaninglessness starts to creep in and plant seeds that I should just quit, dont try, give up.
As corny as it sounds, honestly my primary motivation is anger.. the only thing I have to really keep me moving forward is being angry at my situation, angry at the world, angry at my past, angry at the people who hurt me. I'm fully aware of the dangers of motivation from anger. I also know how easily it can be exploited and corrupted. So I don't trust anyone, I dont open up, im just p'd off all the time and no one understands.
I'm fairly certain most men can relate to this. Just angry with no sense of direction or purpose.

sdunned
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Stardusk is just talking about learned helplessness. We’re gonna see more and more of that phenomenon in young men as the game gets rigged more and more against them.

Bloomer
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Have you ever known somebody who admitted that their own hard work or competence wasn’t the likely reason for their success?
I recently finally found good work. I wouldn’t have been able to take the job if a family member didn’t live nearby so that I could get the finances in order to get established.
It could be something as simple as geography which determines success or failure, yet so many who never even had to worry about a grocery bill whilst studying for their illustrious career for 4-8 years will never find cause to ask ‘am I actually self made? Do I actually know what hard work is relative to those I compare myself to?’

firstandforemost
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Reminds me of your video about male's need for unfreedom, because many males are so accustomed to suffering, they start to enjoy it, grovel in it and eventually worship it. Some live to self harm. Some want the final blow to end the suffering once and for all.

For myself, Ive seen through periods of distress, material loss and confinement, that breathing, sunlight and observing water in nature, reminds me that human matters are not the 'end all be all' of existence. There is always a mild comfort, a one last cope to be 'okay' or not... lol, sometimes its just absolutely hopeless but most men are not in that situation. The worst existence is no doubt people with spinal or brain injuries... not men receiving zero affection.

That is what separates Ncels from Miggtows, one is delighting in misery, the other is actually internalizing reality and playing the hand he was dealt carefully, enjoying life the best he can. Take care of yourselves gents, no one else will.

gravelpit
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My life is just mostly a stream of meh punctuated by occasional failures. I don't remember a win and I really wanted to win. I wanted to be proud of something, and these were reasonable, possible wins to have. I still failed, sometimes it was fully on me, sometimes it wasn't but the effects were the same still . That said I'm never satisfied with myself, I hate myself too and by this point I find myself disgusting all of which doesn't help. I also just don't see a point in trying anymore, whenever I did try on my own I've fucked up and had to pick myself up, loosing plenty in the process, or worse causing losses to others which made me feel like shit. Letting others down when they believe in you is the worst. No matter how much you apologize or try to minimize the bad outcome of a fuck up it still stinks big. When I really try to look at myself from 3rd person perspective I'm not that bad, I'm ok and I've carved up a fairly comfortable space for myself, but that's not the perception I usually have of myself. I see myself as a waste of time at this point. I'm still trying to go through the motions of work, free time, rest, etc. but it's mechanical, there is no conviction or genuine will behind it. I'm empty.

MrGreenAKAguci
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For the majority of my life, any "success" I achieved was through competence and labor. So, once I got into the arena, I usually did quite well at the task. However, if the process to success had an element of chance or "luck", that's where my journey would meet an impasse. Take applying for a job, for instance. Yes, I realized I was up against hundreds of applicants, but rarely would I ever get a response to my query, much less an interview. Conversely, when I did get an interview, I would land the job and have no problem securing promotions because I made the numbers. So, I wouldn't say I have "bad luck", I just don't have the good luck when I need it. As misandry spreads deeper into the roots of our society, we men will need to rely on good luck more and more. Women, not so much.

johnnymidnight
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If I underproduce, the state will - to a considerable degree - subsidize my existence. If I overproduce, the State will take a substantial cut of my productivity.

The problem as I see it is not just punishment beyond one's ability to cope, it's that SUCCESS is punished, and FAILURE is rewarded! What incentive do you have to "launch"? Why would you be a workhorse and feed all the slackers who just sit back and do nothing?

Hate the game, not the player. The incentives in this game are upside down, and intelligent players will just slack.

AbyssalManta