He doesn’t actually want a goth gf

[KatBlaque]

For the people who will inevitably not understand:

Have you ever had someone say “nice shirt!” But you can tell when they say it they don’t actually like the shirt? That’s what I’m talking about when I say “snide comment”. I would goth up and he’d say shit like “my goth princess” but with the tone that made it clear he didn’t like it and thought I looked silly. He met me when I had a more overtly alternative style and every time I leaned into it, he’d make little comments. He was a suburban metal head. He was still very deep in his hometown, which was mostly white and conservative and all the clothes he ever gifted me were bright and colorful. And he would get disappointed if I didn’t wear them. I was 21 when I first started to date him and I was finally fully embracing my alternative style. I don’t even think he did it intentionally but it was clear he wanted me to look a certain way.

Now I’ve had a lot of experience dating people who actually do like my style so I very much know the difference. My boyfriend will come to the goth club with me and while he also likes having input on what I wear it’s always him slightly shifting what I already want to wear. He never mocks me for it. It’s very different. My ex’s current wife is someone who seemingly only wears bright colors and she and I have very similar styles from when I was with him. That’s what he likes but he’s titillated by goth women. My style changed a lot when we moved in with each other and also became much much more modest. Most of you who were following me then very much saw this and can see my style is very different now. That’s because I no longer have the same insecurities and I don’t let men tell me how to dress unless I trust their sense of style and they’re not trying to change me.

This is hella common. I feel like most women I know who date men have gone through this once.

[TheDevilChrno]

Guys always want a goth girlfriend until they realize that she actually has goth interests.

[Katastrphic_Katicorn]

The amount I heard "can you tone it down for tonight" before I started hearing "I don't actually like you for who you are" was too fucking much.

[maggiepie]

There are men who kind of view women as wild animals who they can tame...

[jadewolfe]

Goth girls need partners with Gomez energy. It is what it is. 🤷‍♀️

[Marilynspook]

I'm not surprised, I imagine most men are more interested in having a goth gf as an aesthetic for in the bedroom, but feel embarrassed by someone that 'sticks out' in a normal crowd.. Just a reminder to never change for anyone but yourself!

[Shammrye]

My husband is more conservative in his dress and he doesn’t like alternative fashion. But I’m pretty gothy looking and very alternative. I ask him if he likes his I look and dress and his response is “it’s not my style, but I love to see how happy you look when you wear it.”

[rachel]

I wear lots of black and have lots of tattoos/piercings but also love long skirts and jewelry which means I get shoehorned into a lot of different subcultures. In the 2010s men insisted I was a "hippie girl" cause that subculture was more desirable. They loved that I smoked weed and was sexually open but complained I didn't shave.

Now they insist I'm alt and love that I listen to Megadeth but complain I'm getting too many piercings and don't tan. They pick a new subculture to fetishize every few years and goth (or really alt because most people don't know what goth is) is the most recent one. They'll pick a new group of girls to harass after a while.

[faeriebites]

they want a “goth girl” until they realize goth is a music based subculture and not some term for a really kinky person who just happens to wear black

[antiichristie]

The first Kat I ever saw was the side bangs and preppy clothes Kat. It’s wild how much more YOU it feels when you present yourself as a true goth queen

[singularity___]

They always want an alternative girl until they have to bring her home to their parents/until she tries to establish boundaries with them/until she isn't ready to change for them.

Forever grateful to have a partner that encourages me to look whatever way makes me feel the absolute best. He has never once put me down for anything pertaining to my personal style/the way I choose to present myself.

[skunknotskank]

They love the idea of goth women, but only as long as it strictly fits their fantasy. You need to be able to turn on and turn off "the goth" whenever it suits them. I've definitely been there and have drastically toned down my look for someone who i thought I loved. I was constantly given the side eye for makeup or outfit choices I made. Was constantly asked to add color to my wardrobe or buy more "casual clothing". They never ridiculed me, but they never seemed to be proud to be with me unless their friends approved. Never again. (I am also in my 20s and have since learned from this lol)

[avee]

I'm more of a pastel princess and had a boyfriend who was always fussing about how I was dressing like a child. He wanted more of a slutty sex doll type. I told him to stop fucking telling me how to dress. His abuse got me in other ways, but that one was not one I budged on. But tl;dr I feel for anyone going through that experience. It's very humiliating and oppressive.

[darthmiike]

if you love someone why would you want to change them, doesn't make any sense to me

[ZoZei]

This is HUGE especially for alternative black women because it usually goes two ways and unfortunately I experienced both multiple times. It's always SOME kinda man that posts the social norm of what you imagine in order to simp over goth chicks and then they really chase down the black girl that either kinda fits their narrative or really fits there narrative and either A) push her to do things like straighten her hair or change her style or lose weight to fit that narrative more OR B) Just like Kat is saying they simp over goth chicks so that they can find one and try to turn them into a 1950s housewife instead once things get serious.

It all boils down to more objectification and possession. They know they get off on it so they either want to push it more for bragging rights to further their ego or tone it down so they can say they (excuse my language) literally turned a hoe into a housewife so that other men can't get off on looking at her the same way he did when they met.

It's gross, it's dumb, it's way too common, and it took me a long time to figure that out because at face value it really made zero sense how someone could just turn their initial physical attraction off or treat women like a project car.

[yourlocalvintagegal]

It’s honestly disgusting when people practically beg for a goth partner online, only to just want to change them when they get into a relationship
It really just shows said person’s ego and how pathetic they are
You’re absolutely gorgeous Kat, and I admire your confidence
Thank you for posting and have a fantastic rest of your day ❤

[RobinPoggers]

I've had a similar experience being a trans dude. Some men, including an ex of mine, wouldn't see me as a dude but as a tom boy, and thought they could "fix" me. Take heed, all a yall, if he doesn't like you for who you are, dump im! Plenty of fish in the sea, some of them will respect you for who you are.

[Awatsonillustration]

As someone who dresses is usually "overdressed" my favourite comment on this type of subject is:

"Why would you choose the most exotic, colourful or exciting bird and then change it into a pigeon?"

[TinyGhosty]

There is definitely a trend with this kind of manipulative behavior. There is another youtuber who shared a similar story. The perception of goth and other alternative music subcultures is entirely misunderstood by outsiders and instead of taking the time to learn about it they think dating one of us gets then automatic "cool points." I am not goth, my loyalties are in hardcore/metalcore so more of a cousin in the punk family tree. People assume I am "easy" because I have tattoos, piercings, wear black, and listen to heavy music. I'm literally ace, these assumptions are ridiculous.

[i.aint..of.ur.little.friends]

Was with someone who slowly wore me down into something else through daily comments and criticisms. Small at first and gradually more caustic and mean. Then He cheated on me with and left me for someone who was a knockoff of what I was when he met me. Immediately that flipped a switch and i was over it. I saw he did the same to her. I did try to warn her 🤷‍♀️