After Thru - The Other Side of Long Distance Hiking

It's been a while since I got back from hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, obviously, it was the adventure of a lifetime but coming home has proven to be just as much a lesson and a challenge. Here is a little glimpse into my life after a thru-hike and how I'm learning to be human again. Please watch in HD or 4K.

Music licensed through Musicbed.

Shot on Sony ZV1 and DJI Pocket 2.

[coreymahjoubian]

Courtney, I'm 60 years old and thru-hiked the AT in 2021 at 58. Your video encapsulated everything I have felt since I got back. I will never be them same and I have been restless ever since. The trail changes you, forever. For me its interesting that someone so young had the same experience after the trail. It seems that these feelings are not age dependent. There were times on the AT that I hated being there, now all I can think of is getting back. It's unsettling but "The Mountains are Calling, and I Must go". Thank you for an excellent and well thought out video! It had me in tears....

[RC-qfmp]

Neither utility theory nor regret theory capture the thru hiking experience. It’s about meaningful growth and personal transformation, not the crude seeking of pleasure or avoidance of pain. Being human is a more full fledged and salient experience on the trail. The utter meaninglessness of walking essentially nowhere for no real reason thrusts upon us a simple appreciation of life itself. The not-having-anything-to-do of thru hiking puts us face to face with the emptiness and fullness of our being in the world. This is too much for some people to handle, and then crash out of the hike or cling to a tramily to avoid the solitude of their own thoughts. The quiet desperation of people who walk at the same pace and tolerate each other well enough can lead to strong bonds. But underlying those friendships is the contingency of circumstances that will soon disappear as the terminus approaches. You will be alone again, but transformed.

There’s no going back to that experience because you yourself are changed. Just as there’s no going back to the first day of high school or college. There’s no going back for anything. We only move forward, until we stop moving. Our being in the world is a being carried through time. Sometimes it feels like being dragged along by our hair and sometimes it’s a wave we can surf.

Your mistake is to think the trail ends when you reach the terminus. That you can’t be on the trail when you go to work. The whole world is the trail, whether you are in an cubicle or on s ridge line. The only difference is your attitude towards it.

[maddys]

“I can look around and not resent the place I live” that was deeply moving. I have often resented places I lived because I didn’t let myself develop a strong connection to the land and now years later I miss those places and regret the missed opportunities I had while living there to not explore more. I’m a firm believer that everywhere has a type of natural beauty if you look for it.

[Emma-vnzt]

Big hikes have never brought me instant clarity. They’ve often left me with more questions about myself than answers, and a constant longing to do more and be more. As a paramedic I’m offered a unique insight into being elderly. And I can tell you, the joy and love that comes onto my patients faces when they talk about both small and big adventures is how I now measure the course of my life. “Is it worth it?” Has become “How rad will this story be when I’m old”. Enjoy the journey, love your videos!

[kelly-mariestevens]

Girl I cannot explain or express to you how deeply this video touched me, deep within me. I feel lost more often than not. I miss being free. I miss adventuring. I miss not having the constraints of bills and materialistic things. My partner has never travelled, has never had the feeling of adventure. Never experienced meeting new people on the road. He can't understand why I want to sell everything and pack a backpack and travel the world. He doesn't understand why I am mourning, but that is essentially what I feel like I'm doing on the daily. Maybe I should just do it and to hell with it all. I can always start again right? I only just found your channel today. I can't wait to see where you go next. YOU ROCK!

[madjack_]

To accept the risk of failure and pain in pursuit of freedom amidst the wind and the rain- for I am the moth and what I love is the flame. Few people get to realize what sets them on fire. The hardest, most rewarding thing is pushing to create a life doing what you love. People will think you are crazy, sacrifices will be made, but in the end the success if worth it. Rootin' for ya CEW.

[bartetzenhouser]

The best vlog I've seen in a long, long, time. Fantastic expression of a truly unique experience !!!

[stephens]

Well done video! I’m a 73 year old backpacker, I started backpacking and climbing when I was a 15 year old teenager. I have depression between each hiking adventure, my whole life has been like that. I seem to be at my happiest moments when I am out in the wilds climbing or hiking. A lot of people complain of trail depression setting in after a long thru hike, I can relate to that as I get depressed in between even short hikes and section hikes. Best medicine for me is to spend as much time on the trail as I can.

[lovedogsontheloose]

"So now the real work begins..." Brilliantly done, Courtney. Just beautiful. I feel like this is the age-old phenomenon that we each have to eventually grapple with, whether we're mountain climbers, backpackers, sailers, or hell, even my military experience offered a bit of the same feelings. These experiences change us at our core. Then what? I've always found some inspiration in the words of Gary Snyder:

"The wilderness pilgrim's step-by-step breath-by-breath walk up a trail, into those snowfields, carrying all on the back, is so ancient a set of gestures as to bring a profound sense of body-mind joy. Not just backpackers, of course. The same happens to those who sail in the ocean, kayak fjords or rivers, tend a garden, peel garlic, even sit on a meditation cushion. The point is to make intimate contact with the real world, real self. Sacred refers to that which helps take us (not only human beings) out of our little selves into the whole mountains-and-rivers mandala universe. Inspiration, exaltation, and insight do not end when one steps outside the doors of the church. The wilderness as a temple is only a beginning. One should not dwell in the specialness of the extraordinary experience nor hope to leave the political quagg behind to enter a perpetual state of heightened insight. The best purpose of such studies and hikes is to be able to come back to the lowlands and see all the land about us, agricultural, suburban, urban, as part of the same territory -- never totally ruined, never completely unnatural. It can be restored, and humans could live in considerable numbers on much of it. Great Brown Bear is walking with us, Salmon swimming upstream with us, as we stroll a city street." (Gary Snyder, "Practice of the Wild") 

Anyway, this is incredibly well done. Thank you so much for sharing.

[pineconewanderings]

A friend sent this video to me a few weeks ago. I've been avoiding watching it, knowing what you'll say because it's exactly how I feel. I finished my thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail 6 months ago and although I'm home in a place I love, nothing still feels quite right. I'd drink the coffee again anyways. I'm forever changed and forever grateful to the trail and I hope one day I find the person I was on trail again.

[rbphilip]

Drink the coffee. Don’t let yourself be boring. I’m traveling all 2023 and it’s amazing how long it takes to let go of a life that lacked. But a hike today in the mountains of Cyprus woke me up. The future, mine and also yours, is going to be awesome! Also, I was on Kosciusko in early January 2015 without the snowstorm! A fun mountain.

[sllalomcoach]

Such a great vid to explore the transition after the trail. Turns out that Hiking the PCT takes less time than you think and life goes on. I'm so grateful for my PCT experience, I met my younger self out on trail. I'm trying to connect with that person a little each day, starting to look forward to new experiences not only back to the experiences on trail. That's easier said than done. Thanks for sharing your personal refections on your post trail life.

[thomasdecarlo]

I felt this way when I left college. Everyone at college was real, they were human, they were raw, they were their true selves. Take them as they were or leave them. Let’s work hard but enjoy the hell out of ourselves. Let’s share the good, the bad, the ugly. Let’s be spontaneous. Let’s experience. That all disappeared when we left our own small world and entered the real world and corporate life. Those in the real world were showing and being only what they wanted you to see and for what reason they wanted you to see it. Only those from our past did we still share and give the truth. Never will we go back to that again.

[jasmynbarca]

Ever since I got back from the PCT in September, I've felt dulled, underwater, disconnected. How can such a valuable experience end and leave more questions than answers, more doubt than hope, more loneliness than intimacy... All the confidence, independence, and resolve that drove me to the beginning of the trail seems to have dissolved into the stale air of an office afterwards. What is left of me and that beautiful person I discovered out there? You said it perfectly when you asked the questions of achieving a balanced life... "Am I wasting the days, weeks, or months before getting back on trail? Does discontent follow us everywhere we go? Once you become a thru-hiker, is being a thru-hiker all you have? Surely Not. I fucking hope not."
I am seeking to find these answers and I really appreciate your ability to talk about this. Thank you.

[purelightlove]

“Not All Who Wander are lost” The Sacred Mountains in New Zealand have called to me, they are not very far from you if you are in Australia, possibly try your hand at getting an outdoor job in New Zealand river runner guide, trail guide I don’t know whatever’s available in that area, (just a thought…) Awesome video here too! Hugs from the Pacific Northwest 🫶🏼 USA 🇺🇸

[jimo]

Thanks for sharing. Post trail depressions is real. I felt the same way. It's hard to go back to "normal" life, so I worked and planned the next thru hike, and when i saved enough money, I hit the trail. I eventually realized I probably couldn't thru hike forever, and I needed to find something challenging that I could be excited about. I got involved with marital arts and have started a few businesses that I love and challenge me in a different way than all my long-distance hikes. I still take shorter hikes and might do another thru-hike in the future. Good luck with your journey on trail and in life.

[andreslburez]

You create some crazy good videos, I've watched the whole series and it's amazing.

[hikingmamitags]

W O W O W O W ! This video captures my whole heart! I didn’t do a long through hike like yours, but I did 95 miles on the JMT last summer, solo, at 52… and I’m still trying to figure out the life I want to live forward… end? Nope! Thanks for sharing your journey ❤

[Ryan-xqot]

Your PCT documentary is the best one I've seen so far. I'll experience that amazing wonder in the future, thank you

[sammyborel]

Hey Courtney! I've struggled a ton with feeling generally lost in life after some stellar outdoor experiences. I totally get where you're coming from. I feel like I'm stuck on a mountaintop with an incredible perspective on the world around me, but zero clue on my destination or the fulfillment I might find there. Thank you for making such an awesome and vulnerable video. Keep up the good work and hang on to that adventurous soul always. Cheers from the States!
- Sam