NOBODY WILL WATCH THE F*CKING TONY AWARDS WITH ME - Rachel Bloom

This is what I go through every year.

Starring Rachel Bloom
Written by Rachel Bloom and Jerome Kurtenbach
Directed and Edited by Greg Burke
Director of Photography: E. Gustavo Petersen
Featuring: Danny Jolles, Lou Perez, Emma Koenig, Jessica Haymond, Tess Paras, Nate Clark, Greg Burke, Shelly Slocum, Emiana Slocum, Ayla Slocum and Dan Black
Song Produced by Jack Dolgen
Orchestrated by Jerome Kurtenbach
Sound: Adrian Yarbrough
Makeup: Rachel Olsen
Pizza by Danny Jolles

Lyrics:

WHO WANTS TO WATCH THE TONY AWARDS THIS YEAR?
DO YOU WANNA WATCH THE TONY AWARDS THIS YEAR?
IT'S LIKE IF BASKETBALL WERE INTERESTING
OR THE OLYMPICS HAD NATHAN LANE!
IT'S LIKE THE OSCARS IF THE ACTORS HAD TALENT
IT'S KINDA LIKE THAT ONLY SO MUCH BETTER!

Ugh, what kind of pizza is this?
It's gluten free.
You people are terrible!

I KNOW WE BROKE UP, BUT DO YOU WANNA WATCH THE TONYS THIS YEAR?
You fucked my brother.
DOES YOUR BIG DICKED BROTHER WANNA WATCH THE TONY'S THIS YEAR?
IT'S LIKE IF BIRTHDAYS ACTUALLY HAD ANY MEANING
OR YOUR WEDDING WAS WRITTEN BY STEPHEN SONDHEIM
IT'S LIKE IF YOUR NEGLECT HADN'T DRIVEN ME TO YOUR BROTHER
WITH A SPECIAL PERFORMANCE BY THE CAST OF THE LION KING!

I THINK IT'S TIME TO ASK MY MOM.
TONYS? No!
Enjoy your nursing home!
I'LL PUT A PERSONAL AD ON CRAIGSLIST.
I'LL DO IT IF I CAN WATCH YOU SHAVE.
I COULD ASK MY TWIN IF I HADN'T STRANGLED HER IN THE WOMB. Fosse!

Hey Rachel, I just saw your Facebook post about the Tony Awards and I'd love to watch them and catch up!
Oh, you know what? The Tony Awards were canceled.
What?!
Yeah. Broadway exploded.
What?! What do we do?
There's nothing to do. Bye. Ugh. She's so weird.

WHO WANTS TO WATCH THE TONY AWARDS THIS YEAR?
THIS GUY WANTS TO WATCH THE TONY AWARDS THIS YEAR!
I LOVE THE TAP!
I LOVE THE WITTY BANTER!
MY FRIENDS MAY BE TRASH
AND I MIGHT BE A SOCIOPATH
BUT TONYS -- I'LL WATCH YOU EVERY YEAR!

[gi]

"It's like the Oscars if the actors had talent" omgggg the shade!!!

[LateStudiosandmore]

I've only just realised the ex boyfriend is Jordan from Crazy Ex Girlfriend

*it's george*

[SarahZ]

i can't believe you predicted the tony's being cancelled because broadway exploded

[lynnkusmin]

oh, to live in a world where the Tony's being cancelled was an absurdity

[davidwh]

"It's like if your neglect hadn't driven me to your brother, with a special performance by the cast of The Lion King."

[natenax]

That "big dicked brother" line is the hardest I've laughed all week!

[iSpunkrandom]

"Does your big dicked brother want to watch the Tony's this year?"

[dakotab]

Dude it's Greg! Or Steve? Or is it George? lol Can't be that hard to remember right?

[EllieC]

I just heard that first “ah” in the end clip and instantly went into “I was working hard at a new york job making dough but it made me blue.”

[b.]

Rachel has so much energy, she's is a one-woman show. (But always works with very talented people as well.)

[buttonstheturtle]

The "enjoy your nursing home :)" KILLS ME

[racheldoesstuff]

New music video about the Tony Awards!

[robatsea]

The choreography totally kills in this.  It's totally taser-worthy!

[humanexperiment]

wait... George dated Rebecca?, i'll admit, that's the one ship i did not see coming.

[CassesVultus]

Why do I get the feeling that this is a true story?

[kittykapow]

Happened upon this treasure while searching for Crazy Ex GF songs. It's hysterical and wonderful and so catchy, I've been humming it all week and come back to watch it every day! I think Rachel is a comedic genius. With fabulous taste in music. And an unapologetic, in-your-face, take no prisoners sort of edgy. She actually might be my idol. Yes, just realized she is. Awesome.

[emmaslife]

Did she actually have a twin... she's mentioned killing it in the womb twice

[leanne]

Anyone else watching this before the 2019 Tony's Tonight

[xsotax]

Every damn year is the same story, time to post this again on my fb timeline

[stevenolson]

And now she's at the Tonys! I'm so happy for her.