physicists only have 5 jokes

The most boring person you know explains the joke. That makes them more funny right?

I am the arbiter of fun on this channel and I will delete unfunny jokes from the comments.

[cyphern]

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician are hunting a deer. They see it in the distance. The physicist calculates a parabolic trajectory, pulls back the bowstring the calculated amount and fires. The arrow lands 10 feet short. The engineer adds in a fudge factor for air resistance, pulls back the bowstring and fires. The arrow lands 10 feet long. The statistician yells "we got him!"

[adandap]

A countably infinite group of mathematicians walks into a bar. The first says "I'll have a beer". The second says "I'll have half a beer". The third says "I'll have a quarter of a beer". The bartender sighs and pours two beers and puts them on the bar, saying "you guys really should know your limits".

[edemerperson]

Heisenberg got pulled over, trooper asks him, "Do you know how fast you were going?" "No sir I do not", replies Heisenberg. "80, you were doing 80." Heisenberg exclaims, "Great, now I'm lost."

[ClavisRa]

Logicians only have one joke, but they can derive every other joke from it. (Also they proved it's funny, and it only it took 257 pages.)

[SIB]

A string theorist is kissing his secretary when his wife walks in. She bursts into tears and turns to run out. The string theorist yells, "Wait! I can explain everything!"

[drucktown]

100 quadrillion neutrinos walk into a bar, one of them says ouch.

[tezzeret]

My personal favorite:

Student: "What is spin?"
Teacher: "Imagine a ball that's spinning but it's not a ball and it's not spinning"

[TomFarrell-pz]

A zoo couldn't get their snakes to reproduce, until a mathematician advised them to put some dead trees in the terrarium. It worked, and they asked the mathematician how he knew. He answered, "They're adders, they need logs to multiply."

[chrisantoniou]

I didn't realize that Einstein was a real person. I always thought he was a theoretical physicist...

[zeveck]

Einstein developed a theory about space. And, boy, it was about time, too!

[BarakPearlmutter]

"Consider a spherical cow radiating milk uniformly" is the way we told it, because radiating milk uniformly is funny.

[WadePEvans]

i'm 2 minutes in and I heard you say "...he grabs a piece of chalk and he walks to the white board..." and I was sold. you're a comic genius.

[ynvch]

- What's a polar bear?
- A Cartesian bear after a coordinate transformation.

[frustbox]

I think my favourite is from Futurama: "No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!"

[johnedwards]

Q: Why does a burger have less energy than a steak?

A: Because it’s in its ground state.

[matta]

A Higgs Boson walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "You've got some nerve walking in here. We have a lot of Catholic patrons, and they're pissed that people call you the God particle".
The Higgs Boson says, "But without me, there wouldn't be Mass".

[TIOS]

“Because it’s only 10 years away…” Angela’s own physics joke.😂

[MatthewBrpg]

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is.

[kylecow]

A favourite of mine in maths circles is

A lecturer makes some remarks at the blackboard, and he said "this is obvious". A student raises his hand and says "sorry professor, I don't think that is obvious". The lecturer stares at the board, back at the students. He thinks for a bit. He starts pacing in front of the class, thinking. He looks back at the board. Eventually he leaves the room, comes back 20 minutes later and says "I've thought about it and yes, it is obvious".

[paulwinner]

My #1 go-to joke is "When does a joke become a dad joke?" "when the punch line becomes apparent".