My Mother-in-Law Kidnapped my Baby... and I got REVENGE in the only way that Hurts - Reddit Podcast

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[ravennm]

As a new/1st time mom, I can comfortably say NTJ. You don't just take a baby from someone's house in the middle of the night!! I'd have called the police and pressed charges!! And as for giving formula when a baby is on breast milk, babies can have very sensitive stomachs and switching their food suddenly can cause digestive issues, upset their tummy, and they could have an allergy to an ingredient in the formula. So I say again, totally not the jerk

[bluerose]

The fact that the Mother-in-law just happened to have formula on hand tells you that this was premeditated. She planned this! That's a whole different story.

[DEAN]

that mother in law is nuts. the idea that you can take someone elses child to your house without any notice is absolutely insane. even if you think it would be the best thing to do, its not for you to decide. the reaction from the mother is understandable towards the mother in law, while the husband is trying to avoid conflict with his mother which makes sense. if i were the husband id have taken the key back when i went to collect the baby and told her do not come near the house for a few months because youve breached our trust in a way that cant be quickly forgiven.

[lizzytheowl]

The problem with the second story is that when a kid has developmental issues to that extent, you *need* a professional caretaker or at the very least a decent education on how to care for them to make it work. Otherwise the kid is constantly frustrated and unhappy, and so is the person taking care of them. They did incidentally walk into the right solution, hiring a professional while both of them work, but the husband ruined it entirely by stealing OP's means of transport to *literally trap her at home twice* .
Her husband seemingly never just *asked* her about important things and just assumes her opinions. He assumed she wouldn't stay home for a *scheduled check up* and decided to trap her there. On top of that, he seemingly adopted his niece out of obligation and not actually familial attachment. Otherwise he would've never suggested turning over to the state's care to get his wife back nor would he have just left her care entirely to someone he knew didn't want to.
I honestly can't really blame OP throughout any of this except for when she left the kid alone after dinner, but even then at that point she was burnt out and literally bleeding. It's not ableist to be exhausted from having things literally thrown at you all the time or being yelled at during frequent meltdowns. I genuinely believe OP could've gotten along with the niece if there was a professional there long enough to help them. Everyone has a limit, hers was ignored long enough for everything to be ruined.

[carmenvazquez]

Story #1: OP had every right to be upset. I can't imagine the terror she felt when she saw her baby was gone. I hope the OP and her husband can come together again since it seems he now realizes that what his mother did was... not just "out of line" but criminal.

[dragonman]

Story 2: NTJ. The husband knew about the OPs past of having a gaslighting father, and did everything that he did anyway. Trust is very fragile. It takes a long time to build and can be very easy to break. They were together for a total of 16 years. One year marriage and 15 years dating.

Skirting responsibility when you promise to take care of everything is never ok. It's like having a baby and passing full time responsibility and care of it to your in laws or someone else.

[TheDecoCottage]

Mom that has breastfed two babies here: Breastfeeding works on supply and demand. At 4 weeks old you are still establishing your supply and it’s crucial to feed baby on demand (about every 2 hours; they generally wake up when they’re hungry). The MIL taking the baby could have affected her supply and future breastfeeding journey with her baby.

[yesthatmousyiris]

1st story: NTA, the MIL cross a major boundary. OP was not overreacting, she decline MIL's offer and MIL went on with it and scared the daylight out of her.
2nd Story: NTA, OP and the Husband are not capable to provide care for the niece. The husband should've searched a place for her that will give her what she needed or give her to the state. The husband went too far by stealing her keys and passports.

[TiffWaffles]

The fact that this mother woke up to find her baby missing and is suffering through post partum anxiety and depression makes me so enraged for her. This could make things so much worse for OP and could cause her depression to get worse. Clearly, she's now suffering through severe anxiety and the fact that her husband and the father of the baby won't back her up and condemn his mother's actions makes me feel extremely angry. You do not take a baby from the mother unless there's grounds for removing that child for its safety.

[strawberrysangria]

Story 1: I'm impressed that everyone is on OP's side, including the mother and son who realized how wrong they were. MIL really is sick, even the most evil person wouldn't break into someone's house in the middle of the night to steal a baby for a sleepover and tell the parents through text. Everyone is finally being considerate of boundaries, and the ball is in OP's court as it should have been. I'm happy with this outcome and I hope MIL is getting the help she needs too.

[DEAN]

that story with the autistic niece hit home. i have witnesses a similar situation and i can guarantee i will not take on that level of responsibility on my own. i have seen how needing to provide constant care for someone causes immense stress and can destroy a person when theyre left on their own to handle it. paying someone to help in these situaitons is expensive for a good reason and do not underestimate how much of a strain it can put on you.

[AutumnKat]

The niece story drove me crazy. The husband just wanted to make his wife the caregiver without her say.😡

[AlanoDantas]

About the last story: I have friends who work in orphanages and one thing they tell me about people who change their minds after taking a kid home is that they don't understand the emotional labor and responsibility that is to raise an orphan because those children are almost all full of traumas from their previous homes or just by being raised without parents and the couple don't understand that before adopt someone. I think the guy might have all the good intentions on doing that but it's easier to delegate everything to his wife and not thinking about making sacrifices for the choice he made by himself, he didn't understand what he signed for when he adopted his niece and didn't want to accept that. The wife have all the right to be mad about him specially because of what he did to sabotage her job because he thinks his job is more important. He was manipulative and coward and I despise people like that. I hope he has changed for his niece sake.

[Tontteman]

Last story is literally about stealing somebody else's life with out their consent, You can't just make somebody an caretaker and expect them to be ok about it. That relationship is over, it doesn't matter how long they have been together, it actually never matters. Only thing that matters is state of that relationship. You should never be with someone only because you are too scared to be alone. You can't find new happiness when you live in a limbo, so get rid of him, life is too short to waste by being with someone like him.

[SamSam-qtbu]

I decided to take care of a relative with advanced Alzheimer’s. My family was supposed to help but they forgot about that. After six months I told him I was leaving and they would have to put her in care because I could not do it. She became very violent, and I was worried. Plus none of them could seem to remember where she lived.

[revydragneel]

I think some people don’t realize the situation with the first story. Some people are talking about the mother overreacting and being crazy.
This is a mother that for a moment thought her precious baby was taken from her forever. It’s not a matter of bad communication or overreacting. Mother’s are overprotective, especially in the first years of their child’s life. A moment far from a child can result in their death if the parents are not careful! Also, the mother said no again and again when the mother in law asked to have the kid for the night. She said no for a reason. She wasn’t comfortable being far from her child and the mother in law didn’t respect that.

I understand that it’s hard for some people to see things from her perspective but I’m 100% sure this mother is not crazy. She was in a very stressful situation and was very emotional in the moment but she was not crazy and she did not overreact.

[avaduffy]

Story 1 + Update: Not the jerk. MIL crossed a line big-time and there's no taking that back. Yes, MIL communicated her desire to help out, but she was rejected numerous times. As a result, MIL sent OP into a rage, resulting in a loss of contact. OP was correct to leave that house for a while due to not feeling safe, and it is her right to do so. 100%, not the jerk.
Story 2 Part 1: Not the jerk. OP and DH are nowhere near qualified to be caring for a child with the level of neurodivergence described in the story. DH should have tried to find a place to care for his niece due to his severe lack of qualifications. He also should have discussed this with his wife beforehand so they could formulate a plan to try and care for the niece to the best of their ability and in a mutually beneficial manner. And given that the niece physically harmed OP, she has every right to air her grievances with DH after that incident. Stealing her keys was technically illegal, and forcing her into a full-time caregiver role was not okay.
Story 2 Part 2: Still not the jerk. OP was well within her rights to call the non-emergency line to help find her passport after DH stole it and hid it so she could stay behind to care for the niece. DH had zero right to do that, and OP is, in my opinion, doing the right thing by divorcing DH. He is a heartless narcissist who only cares about what he wants being done to his specifications. And it's a good thing that OP kicked DH and the niece out of her house before the welfare visit since it would give DH a cold hard dose of reality - he and his wife are not qualified to care for a severely neurodivergent child.
Story 2 as a whole: Not the jerk in any way. OP was doing what she believed was right and safe for her. I genuinely hope everything worked out for OP in the end and I hope DH got his comeuppance. I do feel bad for the niece though, and I hope she's getting the care she needs. Neurodivergence is not an excuse to mistreat family members though, regardless of the severity of said neurodivergence.

[cadence]

The impression that I am getting from that last story is, the husband may have said, “yes, I can take care of my niece” but what he really meant was “my wife can take care of my niece”. I know it’s tough to take care of someone with mental disabilities, especially when it’s a family member, but it was ‘his’ niece and he wasn’t willing to bend over backwards for her. He wasn’t willing to put his time and effort into actually caring for her and that was a huge disservice to her and was doing her more harm than good. My cousin had severe disabilities and I watched as my aunt, uncle and their entire family, both immediate and extended, rallied to help support them and my cousin. My cousin’s condition prevented him from living a normal life, but it didn’t stop him from living a happy life. My cousin lived the best life that he could because of what the people around him did for him. If that man wasn’t not willing to do what it took to give his niece that he offered to take care of the best life possible for her, to make her more comfortable, then for her sake, he should of given up his guardianship of her.

[keeganlafferty]

for the second story OP is definitely not the jerk for holding her husband to his word about taking care of his own niece, and she was even more justified when he stole her car keys and passports just to keep her at home to take care of the niece instead of finding a way to stay with the niece himself or even find a home more suited to care for her

[yusi]

Last story if the husband said the he would take care of her niece, he should be the one to be home full time and let his wife work. Take a big responsibility and then throw at someone else's back, is very easy.
And then manipulate things to get what he wants regardless of what the OP wants and needs is totally narcissistic.
She totally should get divorce, because ev n staying alone is 100 times better than this kind of person