AITA for calling my wife unreasonable for backing out of spending Christmas with my family? #aita

We had a full on argument about it and she stated that my mother caused this but I told her that my mother is pretty serious and careful about the food she offers to the guests since we are going to have relatives coming from all sides of country. She told me to stop mentioing it.

Later I heard her cry despite telling her that her baking is amazing and people have preferences that's all.

AITA for insisting that her decision was unreasonable?

Info. If you're asking whose cookie sample made it to the menu, the answer is my sister and my 2 cousins.

Info Few things to put on here:

My wife wasn't the only one whose sample was rejected. We have SIL's (brother's wife) and my younger sister's.

My mother did not force anyone to participate, it was up to whoever wanted to take part.

This is just about the dessert since my mother tends to be very careful in this category but for other types of foods. Dishes/appetizers/salads/stuff like that is welcome as she stated.

Update: Great!, so I just got off the phone with my brother and he told me that his wife is doing the same thing as my wife and that she has decided to back out of the invitation to spend christmas with family as well. Turns out my wife must've told her about her decision and she decided to follow her lead. My brother is pissed saying my wife is encouraging his wife to do this. I see that the problem has just gotten bigger now. Who knows, my younger sister might join in and decide not to go as well. I don't know how this got out of control so quickly. I guess we'll try to have a discussion with my mother about this soon and see how it goes.

[Spilled_Ink_]

Rest of the post here:

We had a full on argument about it and she stated that my mother caused this but I told her that my mother is pretty serious and careful about the food she offers to the guests since we are going to have relatives coming from all sides of country. She told me to stop mentioing it.

Later I heard her cry despite telling her that her baking is amazing and people have preferences that's all.

AITA for insisting that her decision was unreasonable?

Info. If you're asking whose cookie sample made it to the menu, the answer is my sister and my 2 cousins.

Info Few things to put on here:

My wife wasn't the only one whose sample was rejected. We have SIL's (brother's wife) and my younger sister's.

My mother did not force anyone to participate, it was up to whoever wanted to take part.

This is just about the dessert since my mother tends to be very careful in this category but for other types of foods. like that is welcome as she stated.

Update: Great!, so I just got off the phone with my brother and he told me that his wife is doing the same thing as my wife and that she has decided to back out of the invitation to spend christmas with family as well. Turns out my wife must've told her about her decision and she decided to follow her lead. My brother is pissed saying my wife is encouraging his wife to do this. I see that the problem has just gotten bigger now. Who knows, my younger sister might join in and decide not to go as well. I don't know how this got out of control so quickly. I guess we'll try to have a discussion with my mother about this soon and see how it goes.

[thetableoflegend]

??? YTA your family would rather only allow people to bring carefully standardized desserts? Nuts
Why wouldn’t you just allow everyone who wants to bring a dessert. And everyone can choose to eat what they want. What batshit quality control is this.

[aphelion]

No, vetting food to that degree is what is unreasonable. OP's mother is a freaking control freak, good lord.

[kristi]

YTA and kind of so is your mother. Mom is very controlling. Let anyone who wants to make a dessert bring one. Just because it is not mom’s preference it doesn’t mean that others. She can’t speak for everyone. I can see if the men where raised by such a controlling woman they don’t see the problem.

[sambodyknows]

YTA. You don't have to like that she's rehecting an invitation, but to call her unreasonable when she's clearly upset is a dick move. She needs support before advice, and maybe the whole cookie thing was just the straw that broke the camels back and not the only problem. Communication is seriously needed here

[andyscandiesaregood]

She has every right to turn down an invitation to an event. Op calling her unreasonable when every single time she does the sample was rejected is just a dick move. OP is more than an AH

[lunap]

Something about the mothers demand that all food be prescreened by her some how seems really insane and controlling. That the husband just accepts seems odd.

[lesleyperry]

I find your mother's behaviour strange and unacceptable. It's possible that your wife is right, that it is deliberate. Find some way to support your wife. Good luck.

[YeaIc]

Either mom is picking on the wife or the wife can't bake I'm leaning towards the mom being a Bword and hubby is kinda spindles

[bethannhoward]

You are TAH! Why wouldn't you support your wife when it's obvious your Mother is a control freak. It would seem your Mother is showing her dominace over everyone in the family. You are lucky she hasn't refused to go before this. Support your wife, put your mother in her place. Good luck to your wife and SIL.

[Lazyspaceout]

This isn't a contest. it's a family celebration .
Why is his mother so controlling?

[suzannavandokkenburg]

Why would anyone make family audition for a family potluck? In my family we just sort of hobnob to find out who's bringing what so we have a decent variety. It's all good because it's all made and received with love.

[pamlew]

When your divorced, you'll still have mommy

[laylafuller]

Sending samples is a dumb idea. It’s only gonna hurt peoples feelings

[Whysoserious]

Bro stand by your wife and not go to Christmas party with ur brother. It’s not that serious about the food or dessert’s. Your mom is making it difficult for y’all’s spouses. Get a spine and stand by the one you married wtf

[WhyWouldYou]

Cookies should be welcomed whether burnt, disgusting, ugly but yummy, no matter what! A holiday dinner should have ridiculous dishes and some SHOULD be gross to help people grow with their cooking! Those meals should be about INCLUSION and unity and family amd LOVE. Put your mom in jer dang place and host yourself or dont go! Once you marry, every parent should understand that their kids' spouses are now immediate family and parents become extended family. We all LOVE our extended family but immediate family comes first ALWAYS

[KarenBowling-cx]

Hey, rejected ladies, I bet homeless people or many low income children, would love those cookies. I would definitely take my rejected treats where they and myself are appreciated.

[denisetidwell]

YTA. And it's a guess you take it after your mother. Your wife worked hard to try and it isn't "just some cookie sample"
Plus just because your mom didn't like it doesn't mean anyone else wouldn't.
I don't blame your wife at all for not wanting to be attend.

[Ashofscraps]

If I was the wife, I would just pack my own cookies and only eat my food. And when they ask me why more eating anything else my words would be well apparently my food’s not good enough for you so I’m going to eat my own food silent protest, since y’all can’t be inclusive at all. And then I would sit there and eat my cookies. I’m also petty enough to tell the other sister-in-law and the younger sister to bring their cookies with them so that we can share each other cookies and not let the mother-in-law have any of them. If anybody else asks to try and cookie, we are more than willing to share. Of course I’m petty like that.

[babe]

Well seems like OPs mom hates the dil. So yeah I wouldn’t go either. The mother is super disrespectful. First of all this whole vetting thing like she is the queen or what and then OPs wife working her ass off for cookies to be rejected once again. OPs Mom is bullying his wife and he needs to be in her side. YTA