Why It Really Is All About Your Childhood

The founding principle of modern psychotherapy - that it is all to do with one’s childhood - can sound especially irritating. Why should we be forever tied to things that happened infinitely long ago?

FURTHER READING

“In certain moods, the founding principle of modern psychotherapy — that it is all to do with one’s childhood — can sound especially irritating. Why should we be forever tied to things that happened infinitely long ago? One hardly ever sees one’s mother now and dad might have died twenty years ago. And anyway, aren’t genetics more important?”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

EUNJU CHOI

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions

[asexton]

Unfortunately, I have found this to be true in my own life. Most of the things I hate about myself and struggle to overcome lead right back to my parents and my upbringing. I am so grateful to be in therapy now and to have a guide and an ally to help me navigate the healing process. Videos on YouTube alone cannot help you to heal from deep traumas, but they can offer some solace, just finding others in the comments section who can relate and understand our pain. Sending love and support to all of you!!

[DrSearingstar]

The idea is to prevent a new generation of parents to cause the trauma, by being good parents, and stopping the cycle of trauma. Bad parents are usually not aware of the huge damage they do to their children, which will continue to cause damage to adulthood, and not only to them but probably to their future children if they don't behave correctly.

[Galedlothia]

I’ve done this throughout life (the first part). It’s helped tremendously since I ended up having digestion issues due to childhood stress never ceasing. Now dealing with emotional and physical issues as I’m older. I’ve grown to understand why my parents were the way they were and why their parents were the way they were. I struggle a bit with pardoning their actions completely. I understand their intentions though. I see them as humans not knowing anything better but thinking that whatever they did was best in those situations. I love my ancestors very dearly.
Now as I reparent the little me; I’m growing as my own parent and as my little self. Giving into creative moments and being patient. I’m also taking care of my physical self. Loving myself more.
It’s still hard to talk to the people who caused this grief but I’m at a better place now. 💖

[Ryan-Horgan]

Bad parents are the biggest threat to us all

[BigBoss-rwmn]

That’s why I have never lay a finger on my son or bully him or scream at him ! I have learnt how to parent just by doing the opposite of how my parents raised me.

[rhondajohnson]

Yep, the older I get, the more I realize it's much more about the imprint of our childhood more than anything else.

[PowerofThought_]

It is definitely the first step to understanding ourselves, unrecognized and unresolved childhood trauma can plague us throughout life. The key is that we are influenced by our past, but we are in no way obligated or morally required to keep it as part of ourselves. Reflect carefully, suspend judgement, and value how you feel first and foremost.

[CLBOO]

Remind me of Interstellar. “Once you’re a parent, you’re a ghost to your children’s future.”

[rileyburnett]

Oh no I'm first, this can't be a good sign.

[thosarnott]

I constantly tell my Psychology students that things happened to them, that they cannot remember, but which have lasting impacts on the people they are today. This video's comparison to learning to speak was brilliant, and I will use this analogy in class in the future.

[avidhossanmansur]

Childhood is a very delicate stage of a person’s life in which what he/she experiences, he/she inculcates for the rest of his/her life. It becomes subconsciously embedded in their memories. It is therefore very difficult to remove a childhood trauma or a phobia that was created during the early stages of development in childhood.

The most adverse effects of childhood traumas come from the relationship between the parents, the father and the mother. This is because they are the people that act as the first role models for their children. Any kind of bad experience that comes from poor relationships between the parents always has an extremely adverse effect on the children. They become less interested in things, and their ability to cope with situations also decreases. They are not the most chatty people either. Such traumatized individuals seek help from external sources and often end up in the wrong hands. Those who do not seek for help become shallow and lose faith in love.

The second most adverse effect of childhood trauma comes from the peers, the siblings and the yes, the first love. This is another important aspect of a person's life that can either lead to a beautiful life for the teenager(assuming this takes place in teenager) or ruin their life beyond recovery. The choices that the children make play an essential role in this stage. Moreover, in the first stage, the relationship between the parents also plays a major role here. If the person is constantly failing at making friends and is miserable all the time, it's time to take action. As a parent, talking to the child is the most powerful key. We cannot go asking kids to become friends with our kids, that would worsen the situation. The people who suffer from this kind of trauma(loneliness, low self-esteem, self-doubt) take time to come out of their delusions but they can recover from this phase.

The only thing left to state is that though their ears might be smaller than yours, they listen to you, they observe you with their tiny eyes and they learn, they adapt. So before you take any action think about your kid, and kids, life is beautiful if you have seen the side I never could.

[mariamsbayji]

oh as much as it is rewarding it's unbelievably painful to dive deep in our own childhood to figure out the real reasons of our current struggles! it is unbearable at times but worth it! my support to anyone going through this ❤️

[UnschoolingCOM]

"Thoughts of self-destruction mean that you are trying to “kill off” parts of yourself that have been directed by other people." ~ (Rosen 2002) “Listening to Depression: How Understanding Your Pain Can Heal Your Life” by Lara Honos Webb

[shinigami]

True and it's sad to see it all was my childhood, and it's more sad when I go to therapy and they just say: it happened a long time a go. But it keeps hunting me, and I didn't even know before.

[Zajcooo]

During the past couple of weeks of psychotherapy sessions I've been focusing on the role my parents had and, to my very unpleasant surprise, still have in how I function everyday. I find it extremely hard to deal with. There's tons of shame, guilt that I think they should feel, not me, a lot of grief from that, suppressed anger, constant frustration. Until now, I was concerned and focused on my anxiety; now it turns out the root of it really is in my childhood and there's a lot to untangle in this new context of relationship with my parents. I just hope that with time and help of my very brilliant and empathetic therapist I will be able to find some inner peace after 15 years of anxiety, guilt and unrealistic ambitions.
Tough shit.
Great material, as always; thanks.

[dsanchez]

I never had enough money to go to a therapist. So I did all this path reading in libraries and bookstores. It helped me a lot also doing a genealogical tree. I've found patterns in it and I'm very glad I had left that place and that people behind. If you can go to therapy go!! So many people can't.

[Anarcath]

Since my children were born, 17, 13, I've spent my every waking hour trying to be a good parent. Never judging, embarrassing or putting undue pressures on them. I have tried. Man, and how I still do try.

[PositiveWomenTV]

“Don’t you know yet? It is your light that lights the world.”

Rumi.

[gfcg]

My 'parents' completely fucked up my life, I'm now 64 years old, I struggled at school from chronic bullying, I've never worked, I was never taught how to socialise. I've achieved absolutely nothing in life thanks to my evil, toxic, narcissistic mother and paedophile sexual psychopath of a father! The worst part is I only learned that it was all down to such chronic child abuse so recently in the scheme of my long life from a counsellor! All I can do right now is look back and see that little girl I was, her soul being murdered and destroyed - its beyond words!

[ppmico]

it's weird. with this channel I feel like I learn a lot, but what i learn always feels so hard to pin down, i can never really tell what is it I've gotten from these and yet i know I've gained much