Here’s Why You Should Stop Aiming for Happiness

At the Wheatland, CA stop of Dr Peterson's Beyond Order Tour, he walks the audience through the pitfalls of aiming for happiness.

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[melrussell]

I retired about a year ago. I have a bad back and neck. I bought a house to renovate. Everyone said I was crazy but it's the best thing I could have done. It's physically and mentally great for me. We all need a challenge. Playing in a blues band as well and getting involved in church. The wife would have me on permanent holiday. How tragic that would be. We travel for 3mths. I want to keep doing until everything stops; trying to add goodness to the lives of everyone I come across. That is my great adventure

[immersokinawa]

How could you take something seriously if the consequences aren't serious. This statement is utter genius.

[Norman_Fleming]

Simply put, the value is defined by the challenge/struggle.

[andrewwolff]

I am convinced this is why men are so often addicted to video games or movies. They can have both security and adventure without needing to risk their life or property. But eventually it isn’t enough because there is no real risk, cost, or need of effort.

[Joel-ewzm]

This is a lesson I have had to piece together for myself. In the first few years of my adulthood, I had a lot of challenge in my life, joining the army, doing ROTC at a senior military college, working hard labor in a factory 12 hours a night from sundown to sunup. Fast forward to now in my late 20's, I have the life I dreamed of back then. I am out of the military, I have an extremely cushy work-from-home IT job that rarely challenges me. My mental state is much worse now than it was 5-10 years ago. After long reflection I finally realized that while my life was certainly harder back then, I was definitely happier. All my favorite memories are from those days. It shocked me to realize that getting essentially everything I want has made me miserable because now I have it too easy and life feels meaningless. When I finally figured this out I started talking to a recruiter to rejoin the national guard to sprinkle a little challenge back into my life at least on a part time basis.

[DonTruman]

Reminds me of the image of retirement some people have: not having to earn anything and doing whatever you want every day. Retired from any stress in life, just "enjoying" it. From what I've heard, of people who go down that path, they decline very rapidly. Emotionally, psychologically, physically. And I suspect it's because of what JP said here. We need stress, challenges, living on the edge of what we are capable of and moving forward, etc, or we decay.

[DTM.]

“Happiness requires problems plus a mental attitude that is ready to meet distress with action toward a solution.” - Harry Levi Hollingsworth

[jdlaurence]

Dr Peterson is truly a Godsend. Thank you Sir for sharing your wisdom to the masses. May we be willing to listen and draw from your study and teaching.

[Simply_Simian]

I’m starting a family relatively young by modern standards - 26 - I’ve been working my first real career for the last 4 months and am finally feeling engaged and like my skills are being tested. I’ve never felt better in my entire life, but I wouldn’t describe myself as ‘happy.’ It would be more accurate to say that I’m productively and strenuously engaged with my life. Every day there are important tasks that need to get done and them getting done determines the stability and resources I am able to provide. There’s a rather immediate cost to just being lazy and selfish. I like that. I feel a general sense of engagement and responsibility and that seems to be much more sustaining and practical than just seeking to be in some poorly-defined state of happiness which commonly means ‘easy’ and ‘pleasurable.’

[furiosity]

"People don't regret what they did that didn't work, they regret what they didn't do that could have worked."

[cynthiah.a.]

The parent who over protects and serves will cripple the child. Never give them the idea that you think they can't do for themselves as they grow. Our job is to make sure they don't need us

[shedactivist]

I remember once wishing for more drama in my life and then getting what I wished for. That was when I came alive and learnt the most about myself and the world around me.

[seanedwards]

Similar to the story of the Hobbit. Bilbo is living in a very secure and happiness/pleasure oriented community where everyone lives in there safe hobbit holes and eats 6 big meals a day. Then one day Gandalf, who symbolizes wisdom, comes knocking to invite Bilbo on a great adventure. At first he is hesitant because his whole life he has been immersed in a culture where nobody takes risks and where pleasure in the only goal. Fast-forward to the end of the journey, after making wonderful friendships and overcoming great challenges he would consider following Gandalf on an adventure the best decision he ever made.

[evansmith]

I think in order to gain longer term happiness a lot of struggle and figuring shit out is needed. Hard work is what it is. Nobody wants to do the hard work. In many cases are pitying hard work. Sometimes there's tough shit you gotta do to be genuinely happy.

[WvlfDarkfire]

Don't avoid conflict, tragedy, or challenges. Love them

[crankpatate]

Wow, that one's interresting. Don't chase happiness, chase adventure. Makes a lot of sense the way Peterson explains it.

I can also wholeheartedly get behind his example: "This was extraordinary hard to do... But worth it!" I have such a memory and it is still one of my proudest moments and something I enjoy remembering to this day.

[brian_a]

Brilliant. You got such a gift Dr Peterson, you open up so much perspective that I'm actually filled with joy

[munemuso]

“Keeping on the edge rather than the mere provision of security.” Well said, well said.

[ross]

Such wisdom! Whether true or not, my perception is that I've always had to do things for myself and my whole life has been difficult until now when I've retired. Now that I'm not struggling, I am bored and not happy.

[Nettamorphosis]

“Consciousness is dancing on the edge” beautiful 💃🏽 ❤