Unraveling the Mystery of Apotemnophilia: The Bizarre Desire to Remove Healthy Limbs

Explore the enigmatic world of Body Integrity Identity Disorder, from its historical roots to the present controversy, revealing stories of self-mutilation, black market surgeries, and the quest for identity.

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[ProffesionalZombie]

Honestly, in a way these folks are already disabled, before the loss of any limb. Having a compulsion to physically disable yourself is something that requires as much medical help as any true physical disability ever would. I have my own disabilities, chronic pain, I could never fathom WANTING to live like I do, not in my wildest dreams, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. To desire that, especially to the point it drives you to suicide, is, without a doubt, a clear disability.

[Sting]

I have had brain cancer twice in my right parietal lobe. I lost the use of my left arm and a lot of use of my left leg after the final surgery. After a while, like 6 months, I started to feel like my left arm wasn’t mine anymore.

I had learned of this condiotion from an episode of FX’s Nip/Tuck. That’s what was stuck in my mind through out. I knew it was my arm but it didn’t feel like it. I could look at my arm, but my brain didn’t recognize it as mine. I solved my problem by getting a couple tattoos done on my left arm a couple months later. Now i feel fine never had any more of those thoughts since i got those tattoos.

[mrjones]

A study found that some of these people—a very specific group—suffer from a disorder of nerve development. The affected people have always wanted a specific limb removed, saying it doesn’t feel like part of their body. Not only does the limb never change, but the person has a specific point on the limb where their limb changes from them to not-them. This point doesn’t change. They don’t suffer from any other psychiatric disorders, at least not more than the average person. They’re perfectly normal people who are convinced that after a certain point on their limb, their limb is intrusive, not-them, and they want it removed at that spot.

Researchers who study proprioception traced the path of the afflicted people’s proprioceptors. They found that in each case, the person’s proprioceptors ended at the line where they indicated they wanted their limb amputated. It turns out that proprioceptors don’t just tell the body its location in space. They also tell the brain the difference between “me” and “not-me.”

These people weren’t crazy. They weren’t suffering from a psychological disorder at all. Because of a glitch in development, these people’s proprioceptors stopped short on one limb, so their brains works and designed and told them the limb wasn’t a part of their body.

[DoloresJNurss]

I wonder if it might be possible to acknowledge the alienness of their limb, but help them to befriend it as a loving other who wants to assist them in life? Perhaps give their foot a name, give it a different color sock from the other one, treat it like a pet dog? I don't know, but maybe they need a different kind of accommodation.

[guyanomaly]

I experienced something like this around 11-14 years old. I desperately wanted a limb cut off but I wasn’t picky about which. I attempted on several occasions to cut off a finger but never was able to go through with it—I still have scars on the bases of a couple of my fingers from trying though. It took up so much of my thoughts, I couldn’t stop ruminating over it. It was also accompanied by other self-harming behavior and an eventual suicide attempt, but it went away completely after the suicide attempt.

I don’t think I had BIID. I think I had a host of other issues that made me just want to destroy myself, and once I started resolving those issues I no longer wanted to destroy myself.

[colinr]

There was a case of this last year in Innisfail, North Queensland, Australia last year. A man paid a friend to cut his leg off with a power saw. He was found dead, in his car, having bled out. The friend was charged with murder. It was known by the family that he suffered from this disorder.
Tragic all round.

[WolfieDawn]

I'm almost impressed these people can handle the pain of harming their limb beyond saving. Sometimes the pain I feel gets so bad my ears ring and I can taste the stress.

[jrmckim]

When I was still working as an ER nurse, we had a guy brought in by ambulance. He had stuck his left foot in a styrofoam cooler of dry ice until his entire foot and half his calf were frozen solid. It shocked us that this man would do something like this. At first, he told the paramedics he got drunk and must have fallen asleep and accidentally put his foot in the cooler... This guy had no drugs or alcohol in his system 🤨. That's when we figured out this was intentional. This was Independence Day night so we were dealing with lots of burns and drunk people. After the surgeon consult, he was taken for emergency surgery and I never saw him again.
Even though I knew he had a mental illness, it still bothered me a lot. I had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (PPMS) a few weeks before and was coming to terms with it. I was only 24 and had a young son. I worked so hard to be healthy despite type 1 diabetes and then MS yet this man would disable himself. He was a bit overweight but overall healthy.
I don't know what happened to him but I hope he went on to have a good life. I hope he was able to live a happy life without regret. He suffered from someone many people will never understand... I pray he is no longer suffering.

[claywest]

I am a left leg transtibial (below the knee) amputee resulting from accidental injury and infection. I had heard about BIID before seeing this, but this was interesting in the description of the neuroscience involved. I would urge anyone with a desire to lose a healthy limb to seek cognitive behavior therapy or other psychological treatment before going through surgery.

[thehangmansdaughter]

That's totally messed up. I'm disabled, I have MS, and I walk with a crutch as my left leg drags. I cannot imagine wanting to live like this. These poor people are clearly unwell, maybe it's a neuro issue, maybe a psych issue, but either way it's got to be awful.

[Tignya]

When I was a teenager, I wanted so bad for something to happen to one of my legs so it had to get removed. I'd imagine removing one leg, and even did do some self harm because of how little I cared.

Even now as an adult, I don't exactly feel like my legs are a part of me, but I'm not in any rush to lose one of them. In an odd way, one of the large scars I gave myself has allowed me to feel that at least that one leg is truly a part of me.

And yes, I'm in therapy. With the help of my therapist my wish to amputate one of my legs is because I want to have something that you can actually see is wrong with me instead of all the invisible mental illnesses I suffer in my head

[irock]

You treated this subject with empathy and respect. There were no shocking imagery. And the only shaming was of the pedo doc. Thank you for the quality content.

[George_M_]

Dysmorphia in general needs to be talked about much more. Most people have one form or another, often weight, body shape, etc, and not badly enough to take action. But its a *spectrum* It's too easy for people to not extend compassion to people at the "feel it so strongly they must take action" end of the spectrum, whatever form their dysmorphia takes.

[vipbaepsae]

to me this sounds like 2 different disorders mixed into one - one being an actual disorder of not feeling like the limb belongs to you physically, and the other one more like an urge and crave to be disabled. Like one is about the specific limb and the other one about the goal of being disabled if that makes sense

[purpleheart]

As someone with many life altering disabilities, I feel for these people. Having such debilitating thoughts that you’re considering suicide… it’s hard to not feel sympathy.
I hope one day we can cure the condition without amputations.

[DarkWarchieff]

From what I could find this is a brain defect where the ''hated'' part is no longer recognised as belonging to the body. Like an USB your PC doesn't recognise and wants you to eject.

[asylumental]

I actually heard about this quite a few years ago, it was a story about one man in particular who used dry ice on his leg. They interviewed him afterwards and he was so happy, swimming laps in a pool with his one remaining leg

[EpicgamerwinXD]

I’m glad to see Simon still has control of this channel too, Brain Blaze and Into The Shadows are my two favorites after all.

[thepagan]

Hopefully this will not be too long. In Dec. 2003 my neck collapsed/broke severing and crushing nerves mostly based on my left. The surgeon done a fantastic job and with the aid of titanium plates, bone, screws I was repaired, but the pain in my left thigh was debilitating, my GP gave me a cocktail of opiates and other pain killers. The biggest killer for me was being told I can never work again. Dozens of scans, tests, x-rays took place, a neurologist checked my right thigh for nerve conductivity and found that normal, my left thigh had zero conductivity. Walking was slow but I coped with the support of my family. There was pain in the left thigh which was weird, often like ice needles akin to pins and needles but much more intense. Then more intense pain as heat, I could not make sense of it. I had other numb areas in my left arm and foot, these were numb and still are. I thought about whether the leg being amputated would stop the pain, I was told probably not, but as the leg was good except for the nerves it was unlikely. I had no wish to have the leg amputated it was the pain that drove the question. I gradually got used to the normal pain and endured the high pain. I then contracted cellulitis in my right leg and this was due, so the doctor stated, to my inefficient immune system. They prescribed antibiotics which I took, but they did not stop the infection. After 3 weeks and multiple antibiotics the infection was still evident. At this time my GP warned me that my lower right leg may have to be amputated. Thankfully in week 4 the antibiotics began to work. At no time had I wished for the removal of a limb, which made me think about the BIID sufferers that I'd read about in the early 80s. I was puzzled by the condition, but this post definitely cleared things up a bit. Mind you I had not thought about BIID for years, until I saw your post. Thanks for posting.

[ProtagonistVon]

I know I don’t have the condition but as someone with a lot of others(Chronic, painful, and started in childhood) the amount of time I’ve thought about cutting out the offending areas isn’t small. Especially in a bad mood, so if someone had a brain problem and genuinely thought about/needed it that doesn’t surprise me.

Hope they can find peace in their lives, everyone deserves it.