How Lin-Manuel Miranda Orders a Pizza

I spent way too much money on this.

Cast:
Lindsay Zana as Vegan
Savannah Doss as Gluten-Free
Instagram: @savannuuuhhhh
Joe Ganley as Pizza Man
Instagram: @j0ebartend
Jack Quinby as Tree
Instagram: @jack_quinby

Additional Vocals:
Jacqueline Bonsignore

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When you accidentally write songs that already exist:

[mantic]

Here's the recipe for Daniel's final order:

The largest rule of the order actually comes last. The pizza needs to be dairy-free, gluten-free, and vegan (3:33). So all of the ingredients/toppings/sides that follow need to be dairy-free, gluten-free, and vegan.

The base order is really spoken at 0:05 and repeated in the chorus "peperoni pizza please." This is just a dairy-free, gluten-free, vegan peperoni pizza with 17 toppings and 17 sides. Let's start by hand-tossing some dairy-free, gluten-free pizza dough and stuffing it with dairy-free cheese at the crust (0:03). Then add an "extra" amount of tomato sauce to the dough (0:08). Then, presumably, add dairy-free mozzarella cheese (although the ingredient (nor the request for cheese) is never mentioned in the order, we're going by the base order of "peperoni pizza please" which traditionally has mozzarella cheese).

Now that the sauce & cheese is added, it's time for toppings. Add vegan pepperoni (0:05). Add vegan sausage (0:07). Add vegan salami (0:19) Add olives (0:19). Then thaw frozen, vegan baloney. Then soak the vegan baloney in tap water and add it to the pizza (0:24). On top of the baloney goes gluten-free spaghetti, vegan eggs, vegan bacon, & avocado (0:29). Add a hefty ("flood-"sized) amount of vegan, dairy-free garlic butter to the pizza. Make sure the vegan, dairy-free garlic butter is from the Himalayan peaks (0:33). The last toppings that go on the entire pizza is just fajita vegetables (so likely some sliced bell peppers, red onions, and mushrooms) (0:40).

The next set of toppings should go on a particular part of the pizza. Add pineapple and spinach in the middle (presumably meaning center) of the pie (0:11). Add chopped peanuts to the left side of the pizza and skittles to the right side of the pizza (0:55).

That's all 17 toppings done! Now onto sides. The 1st side is a Sprite with grounded Oreos mixed in. From my research, the gluten-free Oreos are vegan (as are all Oreos). So just make sure to ground up the gluten free Oreos and mix it into a Sprite and the 1st side will be done (0:59). 2nd side is 100 gluten-free quesadillas stacked in a fryingpan and then mixed with canned tuna in a tub. Add "nice little sprinkles" to the quesadilla-canned tuna mixture and the 2nd side is done (1:03).

For the 3rd side, prepare and cook a vegan clam cake stuffed with jam. Then put a "hand-grill" 10-pound vegan steak on top of the vegan clam cake and put both of them floating atop a dairy-free milkshake (1:33). Daniel also wants a dairy-free McFlurry on the side (1:57). Sides 5-11 include Cheetos, Doritos, Fritos, Taco Bell (presumably any Taco Bell order), sushi burritos served on platters by puppets in pink tuxedos, nachos, several dishes of Gazpachos served between "a couple of waffles and an awful lot of falafel and some beef stroganoff" (so really, that last side could be considered 4 or more sides in 1) (2:03). Prepare a platter of "spicy wings for two, " as well (2:49). And then add a 20-ounce mountain dew on the side (3:03).

All sides but 1 done. There's one side requested to be added last "because it spoils real quick" (1:41). It's any vegan/mock white fish boiled in a thick oil (1:41). But once the fish is boiled, "crush it into powder" and then pickle it. It's also requested to be "sauerkrauted" which I don't *think* is an adjective for a food. Sauerkraut is just a food by itself (I think, I'm not a professional chef). But since the defining feature of sauerkraut is its fermentation, let's assume Daniel wants his 14th (or 17th, depending on how you count) side of pickled, crushed, boiled fish to be fermented, too (1:49). Once fermentation is complete, combine the fish with Cheez-its (it'll likely have to be an off-brand substitute for Cheez-its so the dish can remain dairy-free & gluten-free) (1:52). Then add that mixture to a dairy-free, gluten-free chowder with a vegan buffalo chicken base (1:54). All sides done!

Just double check to make sure all the toppings and sides are gluten-free, dairy-free, & vegan before serving it to Daniel for his sister's wedding celebration.

Now that was a lot of instructions. Let's simplify Daniel's request into 1 concise order. Daniel would like...

A dairy-free, gluten-free, vegan peperoni pizza stuffed with dairy-free mozzarella cheese cheese and topped with vegan pepperoni, vegan sausage, vegan salami, olives, vegan baloney thawed & soaked in tap water, gluten-free spaghetti, vegan eggs, vegan bacon, avacado, extra dairy-free Himalayan garlic butter, sliced bell peppers, sliced mushrooms, and sliced red onions with pineapple and spinach in the center and chopped peanuts on the left and skittles on the right. On the side, add a Sprite mixed with crushed gluten-free Oreos, 1 McFlurry, cheetos, doritos, Fritos, 1 order of Taco Bell, a side of vegan, gluten-free sushi burritos, a side of vegan, gluten-free nachos, several orders of Gazpachos, 100 gluten-free quesadillas stacked in a frying pan & mixed with canned tuna in a tub topped with sprinkles, a vegan 10-pound steak "hand-grilled" on top of a vegan, jam-filled clam cake on top of a dairy-free milkshake, a side of "spicy wings for two, " a 20-ounce mountain dew, and a dairy-free, gluten-free, vegan buffalo chicken chowder with boiled, crushed, pickled, & fermented vegan fish & vegan & gluten-free Cheez-Its. And for special instructions, serve the sushi burritos on platters by puppets wearing pink tuxedos and serve the Gazpacho dishes between waffles, falafels, and beef stroganoff.

For bonus points, prepare this meal in New York after 10 P.M. with no internet access. Hopefully I didn't miss anything.

[lukebridge]

“Take a break”
“Eliza I have so much on my plate”

[iflykaya]

I love people who use their amazing talent and skill to be unhinged as hell

[drumsy]

I wanna peel back the layers on the effort that went into this video, and then peel back the layers on those mustaches

[StevenHe]

You make theater kids cool. Thank you Daniel🙏🏻

[GleamDrawz]

Okay but “and a 20-ounce Mountain Dew” was sung so well 😭

[mortosenjoyer]

The pre-story: "Get us some pizza, Alexander. That's an order from your commander"

[Livurochy]

I love how the facial hair is peeling off of everyone and they just keep going and suddenly it’s fixed and then it’s coming off again and it’s just- it’s glorious. This whole thing is perfection.

[DenderFriend]

Can we please get a behind-the-scenes breaking down how this came to be? Writing, recording, costumes, filming... even though it looks low-budget most likely for a joke, I honestly would love to see the process that lead to this amazing creation.

[cold_chimp]

I fantasize about calling a pizza place and playing this on the phone

[JeannieInABottle]

Before I clicked this, I said "I'm sure Lin-Manuel Miranda just raps his pizza order because he can" and then you give me not only a rapped pizza order, but a full on pizza parody of Hamilton's opening number that also tells a gripping narrative about the mundane yet risky business that is ordering a pizza.

Your performance was glorious! I congratulate you sir.

[yesno]

For once the tree can proudly say “I played the tree in the play”.

[DAMIENDMILLS]

One brilliant thing Daniel does is during the "Hundred Quesadillas" line.

He turns around so he can sync up perfectly with Red Hat guy when they both sing "Frying Pan/Insane Man" at the same time.

It's a subtle thing, but it helps to look at the person you have to sync with.

[-Astrae-]

I like how at first he is saying, "If it's not a bother, " but then he is straight up demanding oreos and skittles on his pizza.

[kurfdafolf]

I like how this implies that Lin-Manuel’s entire life is played out in a musical.

[quackymcgee]

I love that he had one guy dressed as a tree for the whole song for one punchline at the end. Absolutely perfect

[kashinoarchive]

I love how at 1:05 when Daniel fades out for the pizza guy he says "Just stack 'em up inside of a frying pan, " ensuring that even without the pizza guy's interjections he's maintaining the rhyming scheme

[LordPickle]

0:29 I love how he feels so normal about asking for spaghetti, eggs, bacon and avocado on a pizza all within like 3 seconds

[mariogibbs]

TRULY EXTRAORDINARY!!!

I’ll be waiting for Daniel’s song, “I am not throwing away my crust”

[gotyagachashorts]

The fact that bro was dressed up as a tree the entire time just to say

"And me, im a tree"

Is absolutely amazing 😂