Cousin Demands I Also Pay For Her Daughter's College Cos I Pay For Her Bro's Kids I Adopted... AITA

I (45F) and my husband J (49M) have 4 children, T (20M), S (18F) and V(9F) and C (7M). The older two children are biologically my cousin brother's kids. Him and his wife unfortunately passed away when the kids were just 2 years and 3 months old. None of the family members were able to or wanted to take in the children. I was the youngest and still in med school then but my husband was financially stable. He was extremely fond of T (S had just been born) so he suggested we become legal guardians for the time being. It was the best decision of my life.

Last week at a family get together S announced she got a full scholarship to her dream university, my cousin sister pulled me aside to tell me that my niece was 18 and had gotten excepted into the same university as S. I congratulated her but then she said to transfer S's and T's (he got scholarship as well) college fund to her account to pay for niece's tuition and living expenses as the university was out of state.

Story 1:
AITA for not paying for my niece's college even though I can?
Story 2:
AITA for refusing to pay for my niece and nephew's college?
Story 3:
AITA For Not Wanting To Share My College Fund?
Story 4:
AITA for telling my wife I wont/can't watch our son?

#AITA #Parenting #Family

[GCRedditStories]

Story 1:
AITA for not paying for my niece's college even though I can?
Story 2: 5:58
AITA for refusing to pay for my niece and nephew's college?
Story 3: 10:45
AITA For Not Wanting To Share My College Fund?
Story 4: 14:23
AITA for telling my wife I wont/can't watch our son?

[toniwilson]

Why didn't the sister put money away for her own daughters college... she's disgusting for expecting OP to pay for nieces college & living expenses...

[juanhaines]

Story 1 she didn't even ask she demanded. The fact that they barely contact them other then when they need money shows how shallow both the sister and niece are.

[lucifermorningstar]

If the other family members are calling about not paying for college then they should help them out instead complaining to op

[Sinturions]

"The fact that you have money does not mean that you owe that money to anyone else"

Love this quote, wish more people felt this way. Sadly all over everyone seems to think this is false, be it as minor as small family squabbles, or as major as people reeing about wealthy business owners. You are entitled to keep what you earn.

[Mia-dtgl]

Yeesh, Redditors in Story 4 are acting like OP is a monster for having steady employment. Telling someone to just quit their job and get another one is crappy advice when you’re already employed full-time, which means you have health insurance covered (so in this case it’s a family plan) you have a retirement pension already in place, and you have a guaranteed salary. Some of these Redditors need to do some serious growing up.

As for OP’s wife, if she thinks it’s so easy to get away from work, then maybe she ought to get a part-time job herself so that OP can negotiate to reduce his hours and _not_ be working so much.

[LoveableNiki]

Story 4: NTA. If OP is working too many hours, the couple needs to discuss what changes need to be made to reduce his hours. More than likely, wife is going to need to go back to work. It's definitely time to have this conversation, but wife is TA for expecting OP to take off with no notice. Wife knows OP's schedule.

[annabordelon]

I hate the "but family" when AHs want something

[bdhu]

Why is no one mentioning that the sister spent her kids college funds I just two years, supposedly. If she lost her job, she would have been eligible for enhanced unemployment. If the deceased father left enough for the kids college, then he probably left enough to supplement their ongoing life also. It looks suspiciously like the sister spent her kids funds, or is saying she did, so that she’d have an excuse to try to get in her sister’s pockets.

Personally if I had college funds set aside for my kids, I would downsize and possibly move in with my mom, before I’d spend my kids money. But I just don’t believe the pandemic is the reason she spent both college funds in two years

[markusb.]

10:46 Rich aunt story.
There has to be a backstory to this, because the aunt giving money to OP and her cousins but not to her sister is not "normal" behavior.
I think the aunt (at age 21) found out or was told by her brother that OPs mother had an affair and the sister is a product of it.
The aunts brother worked it somehow out with his wife (I think a great part of it was OP), but the aunt told them, she would be cordial with OPs sister, but not helping financially with her.
And that is the reason the mother is denying the favoritism over the years, because she will not upset the aunt who could come clean to the kids.

[CaitlinIrwin-cdhh]

Story 4: NTA. If the wife wants a 'day off' she should firstly get an actual job. That way her husband doesn't need to work 84 hours a week, then they can start a consistent schedule of who can look after their kid and do the dishes. OP's wife is YTA. The friends are slightly YTA - for traveling during a pandemic.

[ZValerian]

People do realize that the aunt probably won't give OP the extra money even if she goes to a less expensive college, so the sister won't get it regardless.

[jerriewyatt]

When OP adopted the children, they became her children legally.. she doesn’t owe anything to the cousin..the mother should have been saving for her own children.. OP’s has no reason to give anything to anyone outside her own family..OP has young children still.. OP should tell the others they can chip in and pay cousin’s daughter’s college expenses if they’re so anxious about it! ... #2..OP’s not the AH! Her mother certainly is ..ambushing her into this situation.. She should go NC on both mom and sister....#3 My bet since the aunt is a paternal aunt, is that OP’s mother had an affair and sister is the result...Aunt unfortunately is punishing the child, especially since OP’s dad has accepted her as his, because of it.. this is just my thought.. however OP doesn’t owe sister anything unless she wants to without being pressured..

[odisea]

Some of the commenters in the 3rd story need to get the hell of their high horse.
OP should stop the unequal treatment going back to the time when she was still in the crib?
Yeah, because it's up to literal babies to oppose adults in family on moral issues, otherwise they are the asshole.
Also, the aunt can do whatever she wants with her money, even if it's scummy. It's only the parents who need to make things equal.

[malcolmholder]

Story 1. Again family members playing fast and loose with other peoples money! The demand by the sister is so laughable and now family are supporting her another joke. OP make an open post on social media detailing sisters arguments and list down family reasons for supporting her. Then say that if they feel that niece should go then they are free to pay for it. The other option is to say you will match every dollar sister puts up with 20 cents as it is not your child and you have 4 children to put through college not just 1. The final option is to just ignore them all and start blocking on mass. NTA

[angelicakaufman]

Sometimes it really hits me how much more savage I am than other people. In that sister story I would have literally told everyone calling me up complaining that she is a wretched B that tried sending my husband nudes to attempt to steal him away, I haven't spoken to her in years, and they can feel free to be loose w their own money and pay for her kids

[tomaszurbaniak]

Last story. Ef the right off. He is NTA. Let sum this all up. She expects him to not only be the sole provider but also do the chores and take care of the kids? Great. Then what do he needs you for?

[Bleg]

1. Story: NTA
How did OP destroy the nieces dream? OP never promised to pay for the niece
If the sister wanted her daughter to have a college fund, she herself should've saved something for her

[wwondertwin]

Whenever people demand or expect other people to pay or give them money that they're in no way obligated to do, they lose any sympathy I might have had. Asking nicely is one thing, and even offering something return after initial denial is fine if done respectfully. That attitude means I wouldn't even consider it later again!

[kpeggs]

Why do people not understand that workig for home means you still have to work. Its not leisure time. And if yoi treT it that way you wont have that job for long.