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Now - Landon Austin (Original Song) - Now on iTunes and Spotify!
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I hate being this vulnerable, but I feel like I need to share something. For as long as I can remember Ive dealt with my pain completely alone or not acknowledged it all. Ive consistently felt a sense of pride in not being hurt by anything and always being fine. It’s kind of my thing.
I say all of this because I went through a pretty significant breakup a year ago, and at the time I was perfectly fine with it. It was a serious, longterm dating relationship, and when it ended I immediately acted like life was normal. I went months unfazed. In retrospect it seems completely crazy, but I was proud of myself for moving on so quickly and not feeling anything. It made me feel invincible. But then many months later a combination of things happened that exposed my weakness. It brought to light everything I had been running from and my armor began to crumble. It was brutal.
I did not want to deal with any of it. There were places that I hadn’t been to in half a year because they reminded me too much of that era of my life. I had found new music to listen to and even changed grocery stores. I didn’t even eat popcorn anymore because we ate a lot of popcorn. It was stupid, but there were just too many memories. I had no idea what to do. As I began to grieve, the weight began to grow, and for the first time I felt like I couldn’t carry this one on my own. So I confided in a good friend about everything, and he recommended that I write a goodbye letter to that time of my life. If I’m being completely honest, I initially thought the idea was stupid and didn’t want to do it. However, nothing else was working, so I begrudgingly wrote some things down.
As I wrote, It started to turn into a song, but It was near impossible to finish because it felt like I was digging up all these feelings that were buried six feet under ground. I had to relive stuff that I had blocked out of my mind for half a year. I hated it. However, I spent a few days writing and the weight actually began to fade. It was weird.
Now I think about how hard all of that was, and I feel oddly peaceful about it. I can see how God used that situation to grow me in areas that I was resistant before. There were parts of my heart that needed to be exposed, and as difficult as it was I learned things I had never known. For example, I learned that some things are not meant to be faced alone, that being strong doesn’t equal not feeling, that God really is for me and not against me, and that I can never let a relationship be a replacement for community.
It’s been a year, and I know that things worked out for the best. In the low points it was so easy to romanticize the situation and only remember what i missed, but when I started to be completely honest with myself I realized that things worked out the way they did for a reason. I really do believe that.
In regards to this song, I didn’t know if I wanted to release it. It seemed maybe a little too personal? However, I decided that if I did put this out there I had to wait until all of these feelings were properly laid to rest.
So here we are.
Song Written by: Landon Austin
Produced by: Christian Fiore
$20 OFF WITH CODE: LATUBE20
I hate being this vulnerable, but I feel like I need to share something. For as long as I can remember Ive dealt with my pain completely alone or not acknowledged it all. Ive consistently felt a sense of pride in not being hurt by anything and always being fine. It’s kind of my thing.
I say all of this because I went through a pretty significant breakup a year ago, and at the time I was perfectly fine with it. It was a serious, longterm dating relationship, and when it ended I immediately acted like life was normal. I went months unfazed. In retrospect it seems completely crazy, but I was proud of myself for moving on so quickly and not feeling anything. It made me feel invincible. But then many months later a combination of things happened that exposed my weakness. It brought to light everything I had been running from and my armor began to crumble. It was brutal.
I did not want to deal with any of it. There were places that I hadn’t been to in half a year because they reminded me too much of that era of my life. I had found new music to listen to and even changed grocery stores. I didn’t even eat popcorn anymore because we ate a lot of popcorn. It was stupid, but there were just too many memories. I had no idea what to do. As I began to grieve, the weight began to grow, and for the first time I felt like I couldn’t carry this one on my own. So I confided in a good friend about everything, and he recommended that I write a goodbye letter to that time of my life. If I’m being completely honest, I initially thought the idea was stupid and didn’t want to do it. However, nothing else was working, so I begrudgingly wrote some things down.
As I wrote, It started to turn into a song, but It was near impossible to finish because it felt like I was digging up all these feelings that were buried six feet under ground. I had to relive stuff that I had blocked out of my mind for half a year. I hated it. However, I spent a few days writing and the weight actually began to fade. It was weird.
Now I think about how hard all of that was, and I feel oddly peaceful about it. I can see how God used that situation to grow me in areas that I was resistant before. There were parts of my heart that needed to be exposed, and as difficult as it was I learned things I had never known. For example, I learned that some things are not meant to be faced alone, that being strong doesn’t equal not feeling, that God really is for me and not against me, and that I can never let a relationship be a replacement for community.
It’s been a year, and I know that things worked out for the best. In the low points it was so easy to romanticize the situation and only remember what i missed, but when I started to be completely honest with myself I realized that things worked out the way they did for a reason. I really do believe that.
In regards to this song, I didn’t know if I wanted to release it. It seemed maybe a little too personal? However, I decided that if I did put this out there I had to wait until all of these feelings were properly laid to rest.
So here we are.
Song Written by: Landon Austin
Produced by: Christian Fiore
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