Let Me Be a Messy Feminist: How Liz Plank is Breaking Free From Toxic Men and The Biological Clock

Before we dive back into the final episodes of our What’s Underneath: Masculinity series in partnership with Man Enough, we are kicking off the new year with an episode featuring Man Enough co-host herself, Liz Plank!

In this episode, Liz, an activist, author of "For the Love of Men," and co-host of both the "Man Enough" and "Synced" podcasts, shares her journey of becoming a self-loving feminist, complete with imperfections and contradictions on the path to embodying her own beliefs. At 36, Liz is breaking free from a lifetime of body image struggles, toxic dating patterns with unavailable men, and the pressures of starting a family in her 30s. Instead, she is wholeheartedly embracing the richness of her single life. Inspired by the summer of Barbie, Beyoncé, and Taylor Swift, Liz is confident that women no longer need to be in opposition to men or to act just like men in order to be powerful, but can rather define their own lives and culture on their own terms.

Directors: Lily Mandelbaum & Elisa Goodkind
Producer: Melissa Bindi
Director of Photography: Carli Rabon
Camera Op: April Maxey
Sound Mixer: Rommel Suniga
Editor: Mariana Blanco
Intern: Mya Constantino

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0:00 My Pattern of Letting People I Date Treat me Poorly
00:40 People Put Women in Boxes
02:17 What Does Your Style Say About You?
03:19 Defining Our Own Culture of Womanhood
04:30 People Assume I’m Dumb
06:50 Growing Up in a Culture of Misogyny
08:00 Recovering From an Eating Disorder and Learning to Be Okay With My Body
10:42 Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men
12:34 I Surrendered To the Idea of Having a Family
15:08 I Feel Vulnerable When I Have to Beg Someone to Love Me
16:16 When Do You Feel the Most Beautiful?
18:43 What An Honor to Be in My Body

#lizplank #stylelikeu #selfacceptance

[theelodown]

For some reason, I haven't been the biggest fan of Liz. Something about her annoyed me. And I think I've discovered in this video, it's because I see a lot of myself in her and I judge her for feeling the way that I do especially when she seems to have so much more than I do - the figure, the look, the bold style, the career. And I recognize that that's all my own insecurities projected onto her, when I should be comforted knowing it's not just me struggling with these things. I think I learned more about myself in this video, so thank you for this interview. And I'll check my judgement at the door next time I consume her content.

[tipsycat]

I do really weep for our generation because I feel like we're really paving the way for future women by doing the suffering in our lifetime. I see more and more women move through their 30s single and childless and feel like they "failed" in some way. It is not failure. Society failed us. It failed us for pressuring as to work and be independent and our own bosses, and then failed us again when it also expected us to be wives and mothers before 30. It failed us by making it seem "worthless" to be entering your 40s without husbands or families.

Yes, we have biological clocks. But love and family and community and partnership does not die with your eggs. That is an archaic mentality that belongs in some dusty old medieval scripture. Love comes in SO many shapes and forms, and can be equal or even stronger to the traditional family unit. Shit, you could even HAVE the traditional family unit through other means. If you were meant to have children and a husband by 36, it wouldve happened. But life, God, or even yourself deep down, wanted something different. Take ownership of that and be excited about the rich life youve had and are still GOING to have.

[ChanoWilliams]

I didn't expect to connect with Liz's comments as much as I did. I've always been fascinated by the thought of still being my kid self even at the age of 39. I still ask questions, discover and learn. I continue to gather more information, ask harder questions, and exert myself to discover. I, too, never thought my life would be where it has wound up and continues to unwind. I thought I'd be married by 25 easily! It depressed me for a bit, but then I learned to stop putting that unnecessary pressure on myself and to just enjoy life. I've traveled, made friends, enriched and been enriched. I have so much more to offer now at 39 than I did at 25. Especially where she talked about someone being emotionally unavailable and not being able to give to them. It's so true, whether romantically or platonically. I'm so fascinated by others, but if someone isn't even remotely fascinated with me then I just need to move on. "I know what I got, " so they say. Haha

Thanks so much for this interview and for Liz's willingness to push herself outside of her comfort zone!

[alexagates]

I really enjoyed this interview so much, I’m really happy y’all had her on! My thoughts on the beauty thing: I think there is also a shame that comes from being objectively beautiful/pretty when you have the societal awareness that a) you have social capital over other people because of it, b) you wish that for all people, it wasn’t a defining characteristic and that pretty privilege/the halo effect didn’t exist but also c) you don’t want to experience the negative side of all of these benefits as someone who isn’t physically attractive would experience. No one really wants to feel pain or be rejected so it’s a tough place to be where you hold privilege, wish that the world wasn’t the way it is, but also if you’re honest, you would prefer to not be on the negative side of this societal reality. definitely just an opinion but I struggle with this daily.

[pcossunshine]

I really like the “when do you feel the most beautiful” question. Because- I honestly feel the most beautiful when I’m swimming in a river alone, or jumping off of some low cliffs, or climbing a big hill and I get to the top. But I guess FEELING beautiful and LOOKING beautiful are 2 different things for me.

[DerpGear]

I listen to YouTube while I work and I love this channel. As someone who didn't even really watch this, but mostly just listened, THANK YOU for being here. She put into words a lot of how I feel in relationships or around other people and it really meant a lot to have someone say that stuff that resonated so highly. Thank you.

[juanitapardogarcia]

Growing up in a family where beauty is the most valued aspect of being a woman has brought me on a journey to find my value beyond how I look like through having acne for over 10 years. It has been very painful and hard, but also very profound. Hearing Liz talk about how beauty should be the least interesting about her hits home, and makes her even more beautiful overall. Thank you <3

[estenas.]

I finally understand the blessing and privelege I have to be single and childfree by choice in my 40’s. I was in a series of abusive relationships in my 20’s and 30’s, partially bc I felt I needed to be in a relationship to be considered worthy or loveable and working towards creating a family by any means necessary, and at my own peril. Programming deeply ingrained from early childhood. Now accepting myself, loving myself, dressing how I like, living in my integrity, enjoying my career, enjoying my friends, family, hobbies, travel, music, books and date when and who I want is a privilege many women in this world do not have. I’m so happy to know other women are awakening to our power and beauty. We are more than just a potential wife, sexual partner or mom.

[jessietipton]

I’m super solo at 36 with no children. I relate with everything Liz is saying so much, including the pop culture of the time we grew up in and how disrespect was normalized and reflected in the way people treated others. I think many people our age are still recovering from whatever has happened to us as the result of the choices and reactions we have had to combat or protect ourselves from those far away moments of trauma in the past that can still feel so heavy. Thank you, Liz, for the vulnerability and for your perspective on how you absorb and process the many feelings of living differently than most. ❤ I am definitely feeling more in touch with my wisdom after this interview.

[dkm]

Oh wow, the way she feels about beauty and how if she senses it's important to you, she doesn't like it is something that I've always felt about sexual attraction but have never known how to express it and the way she expresses this so simply resonated soooo much with me. I feel like I can appreciate beauty, but I always get this icky grossed out feeling if I hear someone solely focusing on superficial attractiveness.

[Etwasxy]

Being a single, childless woman in my 30s, this spoke to me in so many ways and left me feeling empowered. Thank you so much.

[tracyguillemette]

I could relate so much to the beauty thing. I am 60 years old and feel relieved that I don't get noticed for the outside of me. I was always screaming inside, my outside is not me!

[josephshumake]

I'm just really happy Liz Plank could break free from HER--toxic relationship--to Men. Accountability is important and attachment wounds can be difficult to undue. Good for you Liz😀

[jackiew]

I loved this, related to almost everything she said. It’s really nice to see someone I look up to as a brilliant mind, also be so open about her struggles, and where she is at the moment. As women- or even just as people- we’re lead to believe that if we are struggling we are worth less to the world. Her sharing helps me reinforce that even if I am in pain and imperfect, it doesn’t negate my intelligence or possible impact on the world. Thank you Liz and thank you to this channel. I cried for most of this video lol.

[yb]

This resonated so much with me, as I am also 36 years old and have similar struggles. Especially the part about being bullied by the whole class as a teen and being stuck in the wrong relationship because of my patterns. I'm so happy that I came across Liz, wish her the best 💖

[SG-ktxp]

So many of these videos have a statement that’s so simple but taps into a very internal “ah ha” moment for me. Those quotes resonate with me so deeply that find myself repeating them back when I need to hear them. Thank you!! ❤

[daveedson]

I love Liz. She's a brilliant communicator. It was fascinating to watch the progression of her answers down as the layers came off. There was much more intentional, in-the-moment thoughtfulness heading into the end.

[TruthSeekerJunkie]

Im curious how many bodies does it take to turn out like this at 36. Living a free spirit will create soul ties to the individuals. Realistically, she want a family and kids as the people who she grew up with has now what to fix whatever issues. It's good she is bold, knowing the truth, and is happy. As a young lady seeing this I will make sure I find a husband that loves me not to turn out like this!

I'm now seeing that truth lies within the saying "when you were young, you look like your father and when you get older, you look like your choices"

[Highvibin]

I’m going to be 43 in February and I am single and childless by choice. We recognize our worth and stop accepting bread crumbs. We deserve a baguette . I no longer will let unhealed unavailable men steal my light. We must ask ourselves why we are a magnet and what the universe is trying to show us . Solitude and inner engineering is the key to a much higher frequency that most humans do not vibe with and that’s ok you will find your tribe! ✨we only get hotter with age and we all have different stories . I dropped the program of believing that being childless and single is a bad thing 😊 Happy New Year✨

[kurenno]

@Liz - YOU ARE

Your heart echoes through your intellect, your words. Your clothing to me reflects both your heart, mind, heart-mind combined.

Tears of recognition when you spoke of your twelve year old body-self also being present in your adult self - we are all like this, bearing or brandishing, opening or shielding, our hearts. And our hearts, our true unarmed hearts, are with us through all of it.

Do you think the more unguarded hearts attract the more guarded ones? And the guarded attack the unguarded because the unguardedness, or willingness to be unguarded regardless of past pain, frightens them, brings them to the edge of what unhealed past wounds are making them feel unsafe in the present? So they act out to externalize their pain, make it the other person’s, not theirs?

Grace, dignity and integrity to you always.