the DANGER of confronting partner lies

More Relationship Advice:

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In this video, I am going to talk about...
- How lies manifest in relationships
- Why there is constant lying in relationships
- The reason why you should not expose lies in a relationship
- Why it's important to not take lies personally and how to view lies differently
- Why creating emotional safety is the key to stopping lies in a relationship long term
- How to be proactive in creating the safety for your partner to express themselves in whatever way they see fit
- Why deep validation of feelings creates safety and connection in order to prevent lies, which leads to building a positive environment.

if your partner is lying, that is an action that they are choosing to take and they are doing it to protect their feelings. Notice how you are not in this equation whatsoever. But the fact is, is that this is all about them. And that is not a bad thing. It simply just is.
A lie is actually an expression in itself. And if you know how to handle this expression of somebody else's emotions, then it can be very, very powerful,
exposing a lie actually does the exact opposite of what you think it does. This destroys emotional safety and it creates an even bigger atmosphere of feeling unable to tell the truth.
Focus on crafting an emotionally safe environment. So think of emotional safety as kind of like a greenhouse.
Rather than exposing the lie, you can start to create the emotional safety by validating why they may not feel fully safe opening up to you, why they may not feel fully safe in telling the truth right now.

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Chapter Titles with Timestamps:
00:00 - Intro: Dealing with Lies in Your Relationship
00:35 - Understanding the Root of Lies
02:49 - Changing Your Perspective on Lies
05:54 - The Pitfalls of Exposing Lies
07:48 - Creating Emotional Safety

#relationshiphelp #RelationshipAdvice #Marriagehelp #relationshipcoach

[BeUltranormal]

👋🏻Hey y'all! Hope you enjoyed this video! Let me know if you've experienced lies in your relationship 👇🏻
- Chris

[Lonewolfz]

I dont lie ... And its not a lie ... And i'm sick of hearing "everyone lies". And I've explained this before too, being wrong isn't a lie. When you lie, it requires intent to deceave. You can be wrong while thinking you are right. That's not the same as a lie.

[dani]

I don’t agree that the onus is on the person being lied to in order to create safety. The person who feels so unsafe they need to lie either needs therapy, to make some changes, or to leave the relationship if it is so wrong for them that they cannot be honest and who they are. In no way does anyone ever, ever need to apologise for their reaction to being deceived. I think the only thing that needs to be clear from that person is “this reaction is due to your lie, not the content of the lie”

[alleung]

Well, there needs to be consequences for unacceptable behavior. This is Permissive versus Authoritative styles of relationship.
So while I agree we probably should try to be encouraging and create space for making the partner feel safe enough to open up, we also deserve an explanation from our partner for their behavior and we can't just wait around for them to feel safe enough to do that. That sort of seems like making an excuse for them to continue their behavior.

[WickedB_]

This video is really making me think about my son. Thank you for sharing!

[TheNrocinu]

I feel this is somewhat one sided. Yes, u have to expect being lied to, if u cant handle the truth, dismiss the others feelings, down play them etc but there are ppl out there, just lieing, no matter how u react. And this is just bad. I have experienced the situationen where one lied to me to lure me in, and this is hard to not take personal.. i did everything to respect them and make them feel safe and they told me lies over lies to keep me near, yeah, they did this for themselves, but also against me because they were exploiting me and used the lies to keep it going. Now they are lieing about me to everyone they get to listen, so nobody would beliefe me.

Feels like this video says, the one reciving the lie has to work on themselfes no matter the situation, like its allways ur fault if someone lies to you..

When u feel like u cant be honest with someone, bring it up, try to talk it out and if this isnt working out, go and find someone u dont feel the need to lie to. If u feel u are lied to, bringt it up, talk about it and if it isnt working out, leave. Respect yourself and others.

[forgedude]

Yeah, I don't lie ever..either by omission or commission ... i have Autistic ADHD, I am bluntly honest, whether i am praising or insulting you. For the sake of argument, I can be okay that if you woke up late and hungover, and your boss asked why are you late, and you replied it's b/c of a traffic jam, since you are not my SO i don't give an F. But lying against SO is a sin in its principality. a lie is a lie. There is no harmless/fun or serious lie. Lying shows a flawed character, and there is no building over that. IMHO. I most definitely confront and let them know I am cutting them off (been there, done that); whether I expose them or not, depends on situationality.

[allychar]

What about lies on top of lies, like 2 timing player who then gaslights you on top of the lies because now he fears for his reputation?

[superpoodlehead]

If you don’t talk about lying, then the other person has to live in illusion. They don’t have enough information to make decisions. They don’t know what’s real or sincere. And if the other person is insecure enough to continue to lie, then why bother being in that relationship.

Their sense of safety does not need to be validated by me. I do not expect that I would lie them, so why should I expect them to lie to me?

[AmanitaWoodrose]

Surely it depends upon the lie? Big lies can be unforgivable

[RiCia]

Insightful video. Though maybe it should be considered how this information translates differently for people in abusive relationships. They often think their relationship is "normal", blame themselves easily and take too much responsibility for the issues. This video in the current form might exaggerate these things, there not being any disclaimers.