Depersonalization & Existential Thoughts: A Guide

In this video, Shaan gives a brief breakdown of the mechanics of depersonalization/derealization, why they happen, and how existential thoughts occur side-by-side. Shaan discusses how to respond to existential thoughts so that they they no longer bug you and you aren't obsessing around intrusive thoughts and feelings. By the end of the video, Shaan breaks down the general approach he recommends the members in the mentorship when overcoming these thoughts and sensations.

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This video is intended to be for educational purposes, not diagnosing. You should work with a physician to seek a medical diagnosis.

#Anxiety #POTS #HealthJourney #DiagnosisJourney #MentalHealth

[Pinocio]

I had these crazy existential thoughts a lot. I couldn´t do or look at anything without questioning it. It felt like i had figured out a secret, which nobody knew expect me. I would think I was the only human alive, who got concious about everything. Really scary.

[rhysh]

One thing I've learned is that the anxious brain WANTS ANSWERS to questions that cannot really be answered. When we're not in an anxious state, we don't care about not having the answers, we just take things as they are.

As I'm slowly recovering, I am realising this.

[jakefromstatefarm]

If you're reading this with intense anxiety, it will get better. Stop reading the comments on these videos, and stay away from reddit as well. Go to counseling, put in the work, you can do this. (Copying this comment here, because this video really helped)

[jaes]

The part where you said you used to enjoy deep thinking and talking about philosophy / spirituality but the anxiety cycle made it terrifying to think about is EXACTLY what I'm going through right now. I also have a hard time looking up at the sky and I haven't been able to watch true crime or any of my usual stuff because I've been sooo scared of it inducing psychosis or another panic attack. It's such a relief to know I can get through this, thank you!! ❤

[THEFlea]

Sir, I just want to tell you that you’ve likely saved my life. You are so helpful. You really helped me out in a very dark time of my life. I’ve always had some anxiety even as a kid. Then early this year I had a horrible panic attack and had no idea what was happening! Then came the anxiety, then the physical and mental symptoms, namely: fast heart rate, weight loss, sleep disturbances, and headaches.

As for the mental side of things: worrying that others can somehow read my mind, or that I am reading theirs without realizing it and they know. I began to have crazy thoughts, really strange things. That outer space doesn’t really exist. That certain parts of the world are completely made up, some countries don’t really exist. I began to think I was reincarnated and wasn’t born, but actually woke up on earth somehow and am being punished and that when I die I will just be reincarnated AS THE SAME PERSON to suffer the same life all over again. That no one else is real. That it’s all a simulation meant to punish me for something I did, eternally.

This caused such panic that I even began to have FALSE MEMORIES! I kid you not. My mind made up fake memories and I started to believe them! Then I realized what was happening, and began wondering if I had early onset dementia or some other degenerative brain disease, hence the false memories. Also had considered the idea that I fell asleep or that I DIED one day and just don’t realize it, and that I am currently just dreaming or am in a parallel universe right now. That nothing is the same or real and nothing matters because I died and don’t know it. I realized I can’t test these theories and that caused even more anxiety and panic.

My panic and mental state deteriorated to the point that I wasn’t sleeping. I went days without sleep. I began slipping mentally and even had more slightly psychotic thoughts, such as believing (false memories again) that I had a lobotomy performed on me. To me at the time it made sense, yes! A lobotomy would explain it. Or when I watched a video about mental health from a doctor, I began to believe the video was made just to make fun of me. That it was made just to play a gag at my expense, because someone knows I’m suffering. It got really bad. The paranoia. And the videos and information online just intensified the negative feelings and strange thoughts.

I began trying to “self-diagnose” myself in a way. And realizing I likely didn’t have schizophrenia, as I KNEW this was all crazy and that it wasn’t a normal way of thinking, just delusions likely. That I probably didn’t have dementia. That it’s highly unlikely a HUGE simulation was made just to punish me eternally… I actually became depressed. Because I saw no end in sight. AND because if I don’t have schizophrenia, or another well-known disease, then what is wrong with me??? If I don’t know, then the doctors won’t know. And they can’t just treat it with medicines like a more common mental disease! This made me so depressed.

Then I saw your channel!! And it all made sense. I didn’t feel alone or crazy anymore. I saw comments on your channel also describing similar symptoms to mine and it just blew my mind. I finally was able to put a name to the condition. And it isn’t a death sentence! I began just accepting these thoughts and feelings, however strange, and moving on with my life. Like you suggested. It helped TREMENDOUSLY. I began having fewer and fewer symptoms, fewer negative thoughts. I was even able to stop the SSRI I was on! Three months later and still feeling great. I haven’t had ANY strange thoughts, feelings, and thankfully ZERO psychotic type symptoms like the ones I had at the height of the ordeal.

Long post I know. I just wanted to thank you. You did what no one else could.

I hope some of what I wrote (however embarrassing it was to write) helps whoever is reading this, and maybe having similar symptoms or thoughts. It gets BETTER!

[Akemi-love]

Anxiety makes us forget how crazy our dark conclusions are and makes it feel very real.
Before anxiety, I watched the movie 'matrix' and got interested about life and philosophy and read a lot of books,
Then anxiety hit me and I could not even go near the books, just looking at those books would give me full blown panic attack.
But now after a bit of recovery, on the advanced level, I can read about those concepts just fine. It still gives me anxiety, but It's not like before.
Recovery is possible, 100%

[sCRNDo]

This is the one right here. Marijuana induced panic attack that lead to some serious existential crisis. It is fun to think what it’s all about but when I’m anxious about it, nothing is worse.

[sourcehealing]

This! This is what I experience. In 2019 I just had to know the truth of why we are here. I went down this crazy spiritual rabbit hole and was obsessed. But it started giving me more anxiety and I felt confused. I feel better not trying to figure it out, we are here, I no longer care why.

[Hystor-y]

WOW, I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER FIND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS ME. I SMOKED WEED ONE TIME AND MY BRAIN HAVEN'T THOUGHT THE SAME SINCE. THIS MAN UNDERSTANDS.

[jeffjeff]

Had DR after drug induced psychosis. Fully healed now, I had to take lamotrigine (100mg) and psychotherpay. But you just have to stop freaking out and begin accepting these thoughts little by little. Don't try to run away from them because you will just freak out and make it worse. Accept them and slowly they will be gone (at least this thinking has helped me, a lot). My thinking was whenever I think "is real life?" and instead of freaking out - I just think OK, cool thought and just accept it. In three months I was a new man. Good luck and stay strong! I know that DR sucks.

[lafariuss]

Struggled with this for so long now, It breaks my heart knowing there’s so many people that struggle as well, but is also so relieving to know I am not alone

[magneticmoonstone]

I had an episode of an existential depersonalisation but in a more spiritual way. I felt like i woke up from the Matrix, like I was the one with the Source and the Universe, I had a massive download out of nowhere but it was too scary… I somehow knew that we were just consciousness in bodies but the thought of what’s above and what’s after was giving me a massive anxiety. I think it may have been triggered by my fear of dying since it started with me seeing a dead cat by the road. I feel much more grounded now. The gym helped me.

[toplipetko]

It’s been a wild ride these past three months. I know everyone says this, but I literally had a taste test for every symptom lol. August was nothing but physical symptoms, If you saw me, you would see in front of you an utter mess. I looked like Syd Barrett: Black eyes, messy hair, reclusive, and paranoid.

Back story: I’ve always been an anxious dude and had my bouts with panic attacks. But I never seemed to fall into the cycle until of recent. I’m an extremely creative and driven guy with aspirations of having a successful career in writing and directing. I’m also in a band that’s doing pretty well, especially in the LA scene. In July I got the opportunity to write for a producer from WB. I finished the first draft and he had his notes and gave me a two week deadline for the second draft. During that time I randomly decided to try out shrooms. I don’t know if it was the shrooms but after that I started to feel apathetic towards life. Even though I would go walking around silver lake during my “trips” lol and find everything beautiful. But after that, everything was bleh to me. And that feeling was weird to me… so back to the writing.. i was a week into my two week deadline and I was putting myself under so much pressure and stress. I remember having a panic attack at a Costco parking lot and telling my dad I can’t go in. I eventually did after a few minutes. And that was the start of just feeling completely “weird” . I eventually finished the script and turned it in. The producer fell in love with the script and gave me the green light! But I felt an enormous amount of fear and dread and that even made me feel more weird! “This is what you want! And now you’re filled with fear! WTF?!” But soon after that, within a week, I got laid off from my studio job due to the strikes, got my car stolen, got it back, then immediately got in a bad accident after I got my car back, and gotten all four of my wisdom teeth taken out. This was all within a month. Losing my job caused me to lose a my grip of routine and and a sense of structure for my days. Then BOOM! I had fallen into the pit. As I mentioned earlier, august was nothing but physical symptoms. You name it. I had it all. Palpitations, shaking, lack of sleep, no appetite!!! I would vomit after I ate. And I food. Then September was DP/DR. It was so hard man. Especially to look at my parents and feel nothing and to have no connection. And I have a very strong relationship with my parents. To look at them and think “do I know these people? Who are they?” Was uncomfortable!!

And now October… intrusive thoughts, catastrophizing, existential thoughts. I’m afraid to write now, afraid to watch a movie, and even think about films. And that thought puts me further in. “I have no purpose.” “I am now afraid of the thing I loved all my life” “what’s my purpose in this world” “I don’t know what else to do” “I’m unemployed and im a deadbeat”

here’s the deal!! All that junk is under the umbrella of anxiety. I haven’t fully recovered, maybe I’m at 62% . But I’m going on about my life even though it feels suppppeerrr uncomfortable. And the funny thing is, these past two months i have been in the circles of artists I have looked up to. Wether it was being backstage, going to restaurants, or house parties. But I felt nothing lol . The universe is putting me in places that I’ve always envisioned. And now that’s here, the DP/DR just makes things uncomfortable hahah. Anyway. This is all a paradox. We will all get through this. WE WILL!!! We just need ti live, even if it soooo uncomfortable!! We got to be here for each other. I wish everyone luck.
I never comment on yt. Sorry this was long.

[alejandraorozco]

This might actually be my #1 favorite video so far on my journey but of course it’s been because it’s one of my BIGGEST struggles! This just validates that these thoughts are to be thrown into the anxiety umbrella and I need to stop entertaining the ideas..

[eliaspenhos]

Currently going through my third anxiety cycle in a year and this depersonalisation is the most terrifying part out of all the symptoms, with me it got to the point of having suicidal thoughts but your videos are really help full and when i archieve being healhy again i want to be able to help anyone with this problem

[kunjalgupta]

I have had a lot of symptoms like panic attacks derealization and like lots of things. I am just a teenager from India so here there is this huge stigma around mental health. But I just want to write a BIG THANK YOU to you Shaan for creating such meaningful videos in the channel. Your emotional story to anxiety really works with mine. My parents especially father can't fully support me, I sometimes do not like that my father rejects that I can ever have anxiety. But my mother has supported me through thick and thins. And I know I am there for myself and I can actually work on accepting anxiety to accept myself in a better way♥️♥️

[leo-dp]

One of my existential thought is I feel that I could be anyone in the world and in history. I highly resonate with Egg by Andy Weir and I was horrified. It feels like Lovecraft’s story of Yog Sothoth. I realised that this intense feeling is only triggered by dpdr and extreme anxiety and has nothing to do with philosophy or existential problems. Anyway, love your videos and your work really means a lot for people having depersonalisation.❤

[rabiesgirl]

I’m a little over three months into my personal journey and I’ve hit one of my biggest set backs. your videos help me so much! not using them as a crutch, but sometimes I need to be reminded and guided in the right direction. I’m so happy with my results so far. wishing all of you luck

[chlover]

This is actually how my anxiety started in 2020 after a fat head rush and derealization.... been panicking ever since! Not constantly but def havent mastered it yet... doing much better now than before! Responding moment to moment towards freedom is my best weapon against anxiety/ocd 😊

[abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz]

7:07 Ive never heard anyone explain my situation so well. Just that alone helped me feel a bit better