Acting Out Viewers STUPID D&D Moments (#1)

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[.jiggawatts]

Warforged Artificer attempts to pick a lock. He says out loud, “INITIATING LOCK PICKING PROTOCOL” before trying to pick the lock with his thieves tools. After falling twice, he says, “INITIATING SECONDARY LOCK PICKING PROTOCOL” before pulling out his Warhammer and and breaking the lock into pieces.

[florianesser]

The Artificer wanted to cast fly on the party to get them across the chasm. The barbarian jumped off shouting: "Cast it while I'm falling!" He then learned that Fly requires touch.

[DanielLCarrier]

"That's odd. This illusion seems to be made of floor."

He then falls through the floor, which is made of illusion.

[skillshiketrek]

My players whilst trying to escape prison protended to be guards and ended up being promoted to the highest rank, befriending one of the BBEGs henchmen (who was going to be a miniboss) and escaped using there vacation days.

[drainerded]

after killing 12 goblin as a party of two wizard and a familiar i made a nat 20 perception check and found in one of the goblins pocket a letter where it was written that :
"Dear mom and dad, I found a new job and could pay off the debt we once add, don't worry i'll come back soon".
since that day i still think about him...

[hippolover]

If I may... I am a Dm and last session I introduced them to an ancient copper dragon and he looked all big and menacing but then he said... "What is up my dudes!?" And thus they meet himbo dragon

I will never forget the like solid minute of stunned silence that came from my players. It was priceless.

[wilton]

Just gonna throw mine in there, because it's still amazing.

Half Elf Scout tell two druid elves "LOOK, AN OBVIOUS DISTRACTION!" Both somehow fall for it, the party frees our Barbarian, who proceeds to one turn murderize the druids while Scout stands stunned in disbelief it worked

[zoade]

The party was composed of two wizards. They succeeded at capturing a goblin and thought the best way to get information out of him was that one of them would be disguised as the goblin's dad (just the same goblin but with a moustache) and say "HELP THEY CAPTURED ME TOO!", as the other wizard beat the shit out of the goblin. This resulted as the goblin crying for his dad (and himself), effectively revealing informations.

[nicholass]

Most recent session?

The party decided to try the famous “Demon Curry” at a local tavern.

A whole crowd gathered to watch because it’s really spicy and the portion sizing is about the size of a large platter, half rice, half curry.

3 of the 5 party members lost that fight in a big way (failed con saves) and spent the next two ingame days having the worst diarrhoea.

And they all tried it cos I said the Demon Curry has a very small chance to raise one random ability score by 1.

DC 20 CON Save. They are level 4.

[timjo]

Our DM told us that the module said "when presented with these overwhelming odds the players have no choice but to turn back" we took this personally. We used a ship in a bottle which when opened transforms into a full pirate ship manned by hostile skeletons. Convinced the skeletons to join us, used a ring of wishes to turn the ship into a flying ghost ship, and challenged the boss to a pirate ship battle which he accepted and then we kicked its teeth in.


In the same campaign we accidentally found the demon lord that was the chapter boss on the first session in the chapter, we then proceeded to convince the hero king to join us in beating the demon lord up, and killed it in the second session of that chapter.

[shadolimar]

DM here: My party was doing a stealth B&E into a nobles mansion. They made some noise upstairs and knocked out a female guard, hiding with her in the bathroom. The Kenku player proceeded to roll to "make the sounds of a woman pooping"
Three nat 20's later, that female guard was later fired for pooping all over the bathroom

[MagnetHero]

I'll throw out mine: When starting a new campaign, my elephant monk was investigating rooms and opened a pantry where there were a few dried goods and a broom. As I turned around the broom came to life, attacked, and dropped me to zero hit points. From that day forward the drunken monk had an irrational fear of brooms.

[louiskemner]

My party's dwarf druid got his beloved beard burned off, so he obtained a potion of hair growth. But instead of applying it to his face like a lotion (as intended), he drank it! He soon morphed into a giant furball and had to wait for the excess hair to fall out. He spent all day in the inn's bed, waiting to stop being a giant furball.

[northfrost]

In order to add health to the dying artificer the wizard turned him into a mammoth, after the battle the barbarian, Druid, and artificer attempted to collect the artificer’s ivory, removed the tusks and waited for the artificer to change back to normal at which point the tusks turned to normal teeth.

[pinkgreen]

2nd ever dnd session: We just finished defeating a bunch of enemies and was investigating the rest of the dungeon. Our Blood Hunter thought it would be better to store the loot we we found in our bag of holding for our Wizard identify later since he was low on spell lots. This resulted in us accidentally placing a portable hole (that we thought was fancy fabric) inside our bag of holding and sending half the party on a one-way trip to the Astral Sea.

[ZealotZeke]

When starting out our Curse or Strahd campaign, we encountered the dreaded Broom of Animated Attack…

We quite literally rolled SO BAD, and couldn’t hit the thing for so long, our DM sent the NPC Paladin in to deal with it instead.

She could not hit it either. We almost TPK’d to a goddamn broom.

[biddle]

Last session, my paladin tried to jump over this tiny model of a moon (we were fighting in a broken planetarium) to get to a party member who was in trouble. I rolled a nat 1, tripped and fell face first over it XD.
He realized though, in touching the moon, it gave him the spells Jump and Longstride for 1 minute. Instead of actually fighting, he got super distracted and started bouncing everywhere. He even did a flip XD

[timheffernan]

My favourite moment would have to be when an NPC rogue jumped out through a building window and rappeled with a rope he had prepared earlier to the ground. The paladin while wearing full plate, without hesitation jumped straight out of the window and dive-bombed the rogue. The thief had just enough time to see an X shadow(like a crosshair) before the paladin landed on him. Neither of them survived. So the lesson is don't steal from paladins.

[Noah]

After spending about an hour trying to steal an item we needed from a wizard our barbarian decided to try and befriend him, and actually managed to get the item after a few minutes of friendship RP.

[detectivealex]

My two favorite D&D stories:

1) So our party of four (a tiny gnome named Galindan who carried a giant staff, a bard elf named Kass, a human named Robert who always wore pink slippers, and me, a warforged wizard named Phil who was meta) was trying to get through a forest and so Gallindan, who had like a +9 in every stat, rolled a nature check. It was a Nat 20. Then Kass made a roll (the purpose wasn’t important). Nat 20. Then I picked up a D20, said “if this is a Nat 20, Phil hacks into the game, becomes a god, and destroys the world.” I rolled the dice, it was a Nat 20. Then our DM walked away and told her co-worker to take over. The co-worker sat down at the table and said “So as your new DM, I quit.”

2) Later in the same campaign, Galindan got arrested for yelling at what he thought was a child. We later learned that the “child” was actually a halfling named Niblin. So at some point we were looking for Niblin and rolled investigation. I rolled a Nat 1. The DM said “so Phil, you start looking and then you go ‘Ooh is that a bread market?’” It was and because of my Nat 1, our party spent the rest of the session at the bread mart trying to help Robert figure out how to get the most bread by spending all his money.