Don't judge people's BEIGE FLAGS

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[wk]

My "beige flag" husband is balanced, stable, consistent, loyal, patient, a good listener, faithful, trustworthy, and kind.
Before he met me he was rejected by two other women because they thought he was boring.
Growing up with a overt narcissistic father -- I found his "boring" personality perfect for me!!
32 years married, and he's still the one person I most enjoy spending my time with.

[LeannaRuthJensen]

After chosing three flashy narcissists I quit dating for a while did some studying on mental health. Then at a compliance seminar I met Mr Beige. He wasn't flashy, drove a sensible car and wasn't athletic, dramatic or charismatic.
We were in he same profession and he was well educated, thoughtful, kind, and a good communicator. We have been happiy married over 20 years now.
Beige is Best.

[genevalawrence]

"Beige really does go with everything." I love the way you summed this up! After a dramatic breakup and divorce from a malignant narcissist, followed by several years of being deliberately single to give myself time to heal, I've dipped a toe into the dating pool. I'm finding "boring" to be quite refreshing. Give me a man who has solid relationships with his adult children and hangs out with his grandbabies and gets excited over the tomatoes in his garden over the motorcycle-racing, must-ski-fresh-powder here's-a-picture-of-my-abs dudes any day of the week.

[jdprettynails]

Boring is subjective.
I’ve been called boring by my boss because I don’t go out drinking. I find going out and drinking boring

[promisejrhodes]

After 2 long term relationships with narcissists, I found my beige flag boy and I have never been happier. ☺️☺️☺️

[kkryz]

I think talking about pets can be fun. Animals can do cute and interesting things :)

[moniquejackson]

Brilliant. Healthy relationships are "Boring" when COMPARED to the sensationalism in Narcissistic relationships. I feel that, as a society, we are becoming conditioned to more and more narcissistic sensationalism in all areas of life, to the point that we can't discuss mundane things in public without someone rolling their eyes.

[Dragonkrux]

Not going into my husband's and my history, but man we love being boring. We live vicariously through each other's hobbies and are still astounded after 15ys we haven't learned to hate each other like our parents or gotten bored of each other at all. We like "boring" and find lots of "boring" stuff super interesting. We're caring, kind and forgiving with each other... not to mention my husband's astounding patience with people. I might have lost my mind on people more than I want to admit if I didn't channel his cool. People our age think we're kinda beige. We like it fine. Can't speak to if our parents' chaos taught is what to watch out for but I'd rather be bored stiff and loved than stimulated and emotionally torn to hell.

[Bpdbryan]

There’s also an element of feeling like you don’t “deserve” a healthy, well-regulated partner. especially when living with things such as ptsd, because you feel people “wouldn’t put up with you”.

[paulbodi]

"the capacity to communicate like a decent human being" - really encapsulated the minimum requirement that is so hard to encounter nowadays. Thank, Dr. Ramani for your wonderful presentations!

[sushmayen]

They do not pick losers. They target the best of the best to feel a sense of power.

[janeloraine]

Love the topic! My daughter just began a relationship with a beige flag guy. After all the tumult in her life, the "boring" is unfamiliar and unsettling! This will put her mind at ease. Thank you!

[sushmayen]

We feel heightened level of anxiety in the pit of our stomach when we're with them.

[karinmitschang]

43 yo german woman here. Thanks for letting me know about beige flags 🤣 I've always found it strange that my ex said I was going to get bored with him. That's so misanthrope. Been with him for 16 years, and he ended up being annoyed about me. He now is in a relationship with his boss, Good luck and good riddance...
Anyway, your videos are fantastic ♥️

[cornwallismorgan]

This is the first time I've heard something positive about being boring, and it helped make my day brighter. Thank you Dr. Ramani!

[theglobalvagabond]

When I was younger, I was a red flag collector. Today, don't collect any flags. Flags can change colors; what was green today can be red tomorrow. Call it what you want; I look for compatible, enduring traits that can lead to long-term positive work and personal relationships.

[JVS-fm]

I remember one solitary “boring” moment early on with my narcissistic ex, when he was staring off into the distance and there was “nothing there” (meaning that he looked like an empty shell with no soul). He was normally bigger and louder than life (I know—both red flags), but in that rare moment, I saw into him and he was like a hollow mannequin. I found that so boring, as I was studying to be a therapist and have always been very soulful myself. Honestly, I’m not sure why I felt compelled to mention that, but maybe just to illustrate the lack of substance in a narc that leads them to get bored and go around wreaking absolute havoc on the word. It’s as if their “inner beige” is so boring TO THEM that they have to create a big messy oil painting of every color imaginable just to compensate for being so dull inside.

[terriwhalen]

Dr. Ramani, as always you cover things I have never thought of. But, my first instinct on this subject, actually sounds refreshing. With all that is happening in our world today, I would love to be around a "beige flagger." LOL! I never thought I would say this. Great video as, as always. Thank you!❤

[Inahappyplace]

Dr Ramani, can you talk about why narcissists are often sadistic. This is a trait i have realized is most prominent in the majority of narcissists ive come across. Thank you for all you do.

[crystalcole]

Someone in the comments just mentioned how someone being exciting and bigger than life are both red flags. And that's the problem with some of the things said in the video. Being extroverted, exciting, and bigger than life are not red flags. Those in themselves can be very healthy things. Many times they are attached to abusive people, but they are not bad qualities by any means.

And on the flip side, someone boring and seemingly safe, can be hugely abusive. They may be covert or not, but being exciting, bold, adventurous etc etc are not red flags in themselves. Insensitivity, selfishness, inappropriate competitiveness, inappropriate aggression, etc etc those are the qualities to look out for.

Red flags come from unhealthy behaviors and beliefs. Fun and exciting does not always equal abusive. Plain and boring does not always equal safe. And implying that they do can lead to problems.