Don’t Fall For THIS Early Dating Trap!

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[cookWithYuyu]

Who's here watching Matthew's dating tips and not dating at all 🤣

[hmnorvell]

stop using text/messaging as a way to develop a relationship before you even meet. Text a little bit maybe even have a phone call but keep it brief and set up a time to meet to see if you even want to take it further. Don’t text a lot until you’re in an actual relationship otherwise it becomes a virtual fantasy.

[kcd]

Dating activates all our triggers, insecurities and wounds

[NakedTruthbyDrMelanie]

Audrey's comment about the fear of dating again because of the risk of being triggered (disrupting the peace) is so true. Working on ourselves is essential to gain resilience, but it's an ongoing self-therapy.
You will never be able to control what comes at you.
Working on your ability to manage the stress from the outside world is the key. ❤

[GodHelpMe]

He is into you if he's CONSISTENT.

No mixed signals.

Keep your spirit of discernment sharp, ladies!

[vilmacabanbabilonia]

This is true. I met this guy who had recently divorced, had his hurt, but needed to experience love, felt lonely, and sad. I saw that he got excited quickly and expected things to go the way he wanted in his own time frame. Because he wasn't healed, he'd got easily triggered and his defense mechanism put up "a wall" that kept him in his pale. I just felt unable to reach his heart in those circumstances simply because it wasn't really available. I pray for this person to heal and find the peace and sense of security in himself. No one goes hurt to a battle. Life can be complicated.

[luvmypet]

I think early dating is difficult, because you guys are in an early stage to know each other, it is important to do what you say, if you say you'll call, then keep your words, if you are unable to for some reasons, it only takes a few second to text and let them know, I don't think it is difficult, I think it is a courtesy and respect. These are part of the red flags.

[Yasmin-pipr]

This is life advice. My mom often says she is good being on her own (she get's triggered often and doesn't have friends). The best answer I could give her once, was that that was the easier path. But yet, it made much more sense as Matthew put it: living in our cave is living an incomplete life, and part of being wise/confident is being robust enough to be in contact with others.

[JustKate]

Ugh, thanks for this. I’ve really never dated in my life. Got married fast in my 20’s. Married 26 years, divorced and now I’m trying to learn. I’m used to a husband and put someone quickly in that roll. I’ll just make friends first.

[xtina_]

I recently met a new man online and the energy I got from him right off the bat was so intense that it made me uncomfortable. Not in a creepy way just in a way that felt like he put way too much excitement so quickly and I fully understood the reason why healthy men have cut me off in the past because I see how I may have come off like that to them. It was very eye opening and kept me from that “love bombing” type of situation too. It made me realize that I would have gotten swept away in that in the past if I had found him attractive and thought he had potential. Wow, very humbling. I hope he gives himself time to heal too.

[miz]

BOTH the woman and long-distance guy are toxic. Red flags on both sides. I am always thankful when a new person shows his bad side early on because then I don't waste time on someone unworthy.

[kittycatsheavenog]

As i watch this....everyone does get but the difference of a "emotional healthy" person and not....is the response

[queenj.i]

You have NO IDEA whether you truly like someone or not before you’ve met in person. Set up to meet safely and in public as soon as you know you’re both interested. Then take your time to genuinely get to know each other. Keep sex off the table and let them show you who they are as you do the same. Just have fun being yourself. Let jokers fall off and be glad when they do.

God bless ❤️‍🔥

[Xiawase]

I love Audrey’s questions! Especially the part about getting triggered when starting relationship even though you’re at peace and happy without being in a relationship. I think she has been suchhhh a great addition to an already awesome podcast! Thank you both ❤️

I am experiencing something very similar and this video has provided so many insights!
Always looking forward to new episodes and thank you both for the work that you’re doing :)

[heathergeorge]

I think a way for a person to meet their own needs in this situation is to do some self reflection about why they feel so upset before they talk to the other person and if they feel like the person wasn't consistent by not calling they should take some time to get back to a calm state and then have an honest conversation about how it made them feel and what they need from them next time. Then I feel it would also be ok if they didn't text that guy as often as they had before to help them maintain some distance and personal safety or boundary. There may have been some trauma leading to her reaction but it also is a signal to her about what is important to her and possibly that this person may not meet her needs in the long run. I think the girl in this scenario needs some compassion shown to her, not just saying it's a red flag or an overreaction. She just needs some time, self reflection, and belief and trust in her own feelings to get to a place where she is able to clearly communicate and have boundaries that help her feel safe and happy.

[linnie]

I do think the woman addressed here at the beginning reacted (outwardly) too strongly, but I don't agree with the idea that she shouldn't have expected consistency because they'd only just started connecting and hadn't yet met. I think this idea is based on a fallacy...it's something that we convince ourselves of because of the (highly unnatural) way of modern day dating. They were texting all day long every day and talking on the phone every day for two weeks. Let's take this back 45 years, when there were no texts, and long distance phone calls were very expensive and would never, ever happen every day unless the parties were rich. No one in history (prior to very recent decades) would have had this much contact and no expectations, because this much contact would have been happening in person on dates or via local phone calls - so, the equivalent of 7 to 14 It's unnatural and really too much to ask of anyone to have that amount of contact and no expectations of the other person...think about it.

[annatalig]

I feel like neither reaction is accurate. The love bomber doesn’t apologize. He gaslights you and makes you feel like you’re crazy. Like he was never supposed to call and you imagined it. Or he’ll simply deflect and pretend he did nothing wrong.

[NicolaDietrich]

To be honest though if you say you're going to call and you don't that is rude. That person is waiting. If that was work it would be unacceptable. I think people think treating someone as if their time is not important is not acceptable. Yup give him 1 pass, but I would bring it up as well. If he did it again, he's gone. I am FA and I'm single. I'm also happy.

[kittycatsheavenog]

Love this ! I would agree. When you retreat and center yourself and work on you it is a beautiful thing. And partly on reason we do that, is to not only avoid triggers but WE don't want to see "the worst part of ourselves " whatever that looks like

[teresareid]

I’ve done this the pasted 4 years on and off dating apps like a yo yo because when I started to want to date I’m triggered by men so off I go into my little hole again because of the hard work around dating not this time I’m in dating sites and I won’t let the unhealed men make me hide away I will keep trying to find that just one person who is a good one ❤