These 12 things define a healthy relationship.

Being in a healthy relationship is what we aim for, am I right? Let’s find out together if you’re in a good one. My disclaimer is that some of these are pretty advanced but I want to believe that you can reach these levels in your relationships.

I’ll ask you 12 questions that will allow you to gauge whether or not you’re in a healthy relationship. If you get 10 out of 12 then you should feel pretty good. If you get 6 or less then I’m kinda worried about you. Anything between 6 and 10 means that some work needs to be done, possibly with a couples counselor, but you could totally get there.

#relationshipadvice #dating #therapy

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[Lr_youtube]

1. Open & non-reactive when you are told things you hurt them
2. Saying no without guilt
3. Emotional support love, acceptance and more
4. Not feelings unsafe when your partner gets mad
5. Talk about recurring fights without getting blowouts
6. Your needs & wants are met
7. Safe for Emotional vulnerabilities, deeply seen, heard, and understood
8. Benefit of the doubt; assume the best of your partner
9. Happily giving without waiting to get Ming in return
10. You encourage others at all cost in a positive way
11. Accept each other instead of trying to change each other
12. Obvious playfulness; fun, is essential to any good relationship. Relaxed and authentic together

[tdeniseechols]

If 6 or less items are present the relationship is as issue

7-10 things some work needs to be done but it's possible

10+ the relationship is doing well in terms of health

1. You can be open, non-reactive and non-defensive no when your partner is communicating feedback to you. ****

2. You can say no to/ set a boundary with your partner without feeling guilty about it

3. If you need extra love you feel confident you'll get it when you ask for it

4. You don't feel unsafe if your partner gets mad

5. You can talk about your reoccurring fights without getting triggered

6. You both feel like your physical needs are met most of the time

7. You're emotionally honest and feel deeply seen/heard/understood

8. You give each other the benefit of the doubt/generosity/grace

9. You both happily give without trying to get something in return

10. You encourage each other to grow, even at the expense of quality time together temporarily

11. You accept each other instead of trying to change each other

12. There's an obvious playfulness & you can be yourself

[susanbarao]

I can not tell you how much I love listening to your advice. It is realistic, relatable and specific. Please keep making these videos.

[noemisarahhuber]

I have had a relationship a year ago where I realised that we met maybe 2 of these things... I managed to leave the relationship still feeling pretty anxious however about not finding a partner.. I started to believe in myself however and now I am in a relationship of 1.5 months where we meet all of the 12 criteria... if I had told this to the me one year ago I would have never believed it... I am so grateful to have met someone who fits so well with me and is equally invested and I am so proud of myself for saying no to all the exes and dates who didnt fit well with me

[maiyachekalova]

Hey Jeff! Sorry this is off topic, but is there any advice you can give on how to start believing that you will be in a loving relationship one day? Due to the past trauma I have lost all faith in relationships and cannot imagine anything good ever happening to me 🤷🏽‍♀️ thanks!

[godzillamanstreb]

Common goals, gratitude & a shared philosophy go a long way too❤

[korennaaster]

This is so helpful and I appreciate the confirmation!

[DinaInNY]

What if the partner changed (in destructive way) and I tell him to go back and be the guy I met! Or if he hide it long enough where now it would feel like may get very complicated to break up!!

[toastrecon]

I feel old because your t shirt is vintage and I instantly recognized the album art from when I was in high school. 😂

[ElemenoP]

10½ out of 12 ❤😂 the ½ is I feel guilty saying "no" I still say it and he doesn't guilt trip me but I just feel bad sometimes. Even as little as me saying no to making tea.

[LesleySASMR]

It’s amazing how much I’m realizing that my last relationship was not healthy at ALL.

[bluejay]

I had all of these things, then he called me after five months and said he didn’t feel the connection and we should break up. Idk how to trust again

[SunHawk]

I got like 2 or 3. The biggest is being unable to express what bothers me, then feeling unsafe emotionally. How is it is he doesn't speak to me for 2 weeks even though we live together?

[Chelsea]

Hey I just stumbled on your channel and I’m really digging it!

[maddyjenks]

Hi, Jeff. I love your content. You’re so knowledgeable and down to earth! I just commented on one of your tiktok videos if you can recommend any podcasts? I feel like I learn so much from you, I’m dying for hours of something similar! Thanks a ton. Merry Christmas!

[carlatrujillog]

Totally off, but love your Smash tee 🧡🖤

[marianarocamora]

My bf smokes weed five times a day. I've told him to smoke less. Does that mean I'm not accepting him as he is or that I'm helping him grow? 🥺

[alinaweiss]

I can't wait for your to become one of the top counselor YouTube ❤❤❤

[estargrl]

Thank you for your videos! I'm curious to hear more about #10. I'm trying to find the balance between being supportive of my partner and all of their other priorities and activities (as well as my own), with my own desire for more quality time (which I don't feel I'm getting enough of). At what point does this move from something positive to an incompatibility?

[gypsylvia]

But isn’t telling them how they can help you feel emotionally safe (#7) or how to meet other needs better a form of asking them to change (#11)?