𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆?

Tracklist:
0:00 plain., Vilaxxs - last forever

1:44 crp., Tsubasa Sato - yuki

3:41 Rōōh - erased memories

5:44 altered sigh, nightquest - buried sweetness - slowed + reverb

8:15 Swik, Eleftherios - after the storm - slowed + reverb

10:51 cØzY - wait for me - slowed + reverb

12:25 resonantia, Off Dawn - midnight mirage

14:24 widx. - like I’m floating

16:40 Ethergløw - it's not the same without you (slowed + reverb)

18:47 Ethergløw - forsaken road - slowed + reverb

21:05 🔁

#ambientmusic #snowfall #darkambient #sleepmusic

[CouicheSniffer]

honestly this channel is the only thing keeping me sane and if your reading this god bless u i hope all your dreams come true i hope u pull through the hard times i hope your happy i hope your in good health i hope u are loved and finally i know that everything will work out

[galaxygaming]

Love how you can just get lost in your head where you find yourself in the most comfortable place while hearing these...❤

[ajayviadocastro]

Life is just one trip there is no going back you just need to enjoy everything, all of us can do what ever we want. Cry if you can't hold the pain laught when you feel joy embrace positivity face all of your fear, trust me this is the first and last trip only. We are all warriors!

[pletres]

I love you all and the atmosphere here, the music, the background photos, and thank you all so much.

[HealingBeatsChill]

I love how this music lets you get lost in your thoughts, taking you to the most comfortable and serene place in your mind. 🎶✨ It's a beautiful escape that brings peace and clarity. 😊💖

[CosyBooks]

Life before death
Strength before weakness
Journey before destination

[Dan_Taketo]

I was going to sleep soon, thank you for the vid❤.

[trev-rznk]

И снова классная связка, каждый раз радуете все сильнее и сильнее

[dmac]

My body is living one reality which everyone can see, but my Heart is living a completely different reality.. Miss you Fali, and hope you are well…

[cozyjazzdays]

Not bad, the music is very suitable to listen to at night

[pb.pb.pb.pb.]

Great content ! Hope they can turn that land into crop growing.

[Novastar.SaberCombat]

"Before I start, I must see my end.
Destination known, my mind’s journey now begins.
Upon my chariot, heart and soul’s fate revealed.
In time, all points converge, hope’s strength resteeled.
But to earn final peace at the universe’s endless refrain,
We must see all in nothingness... before we start again."

-- Diamond Dragons (book I)

[synchronicityrain]

magnificent
ima use this one for self-soothing practice

[zulusenclobos]

This channel feels like my brain, except with really good ice creme!

[DanielTheCat-fqns]

Not bad, it is very deep sound, like a deep space but deeper

[ZEZEBREZY]

Like my comment to receive a reminder to trust and believe in yourself.

[ajb]

I listen to these to remember the good times me and my ex had think about her all the time but Ik I have god on my side and he will bring her back to me again one day );

[paxonearth]

This photo is mesmerizing. Strikes me as early morning, but I guess it could be twilight as well. How do you all see it?

[coffeebeansonastove]

Been 6 months of being in a household where my parents don't even love eachother. Lots of challenges; I always resort to music.

I will go back to this comment when divorce bill is approved in the Philippines

[ananzadiayt]

(Sorry for the really long vent. I just meeded to let things out)

I dont feel real
I dont know who i am anymore
Idk why. I forgot the reason.
Why cant they just leave me alone
Why do i have to talk to them
They make me so uncomfortable and they pressure/force me to do things
I dont wanna. I wanna be left alone. I wish they'd stop pestering me so much. Im tired. I cant do this anymore. Everythings too overwhelming
I cant even eat properly
Or take care of myself
All i do is lay on my bed 24/7. I onky get up 2-3 times a day
Its been over month. About 6 weeks i think. Its like my life has paused
...
Was there even a life to begin with?
I mean.. i dont know actually. I dont wanna think about it.

I dont wanna get help. I dont care. Im too comfortable in my own suffering. Plus i dont wanna end up in a fucking psych ward or something.
And getting help woukd be a waste of time. Im not gonna live that long anyways. Just a few more years.. i need to fullfill those stupid promises. And then i'll be on my way outta here.

...

Maybe i might not even make it this year

My episodes are getting pretty bad
And the affects of them are pretty bad too
Im in a constant state of dissociation now
And i cant get out
It feels so wierd yet so comforting in a way
Well.. no. Not comforting. Augshsh i dont know.

Its so wierd that i dont own my body
The people in my head own it too

Im going insane slowly
Oh well
Its really painful
But i dont care anymore
Im too tired to do anything about it.
Im too weak
Its not like i wanna do anything anyway

I just wanna rot away in peace
I just wanna die
But i cant
I cant yet.
I still have to fulfill those promises.
I still have some responsibilities..

...

Just a few more years
And then i'll be gone
I'll be gone
Yay

But what if i go earlier
What if those episodes get even worse
And i die

...

Haha, dont worry. Theyre not gonna get worse so quickly

But what if they do get worse

Haha i really do need help

But i dont want it.

...

Its so funny how i used to be so confident and extroverted (kinda)

And now look at me
I cant even leave the house without breaking down and crying
How pathetic have i become
..

I should go eat something. But i feel sick from what i ate yesterday

This always happens
I hate my fucking life

I cant even open the door to someone because of how paranoid i get
If they knock, i'll be even more scared
You know why im like this? because of my stupid fucking 'father'. (TW: mention of abuse and SA)


He was really abusive
He would hit me
Shout at me
Humiliate me in front of other people
S**ually abuse my mom
And when i told him about some guy sa'ing me he didnt even acknowledge my existence

.. do i really exist or am i just watching someones life play out
That sounds stupid. But yeah anyways.

He would also starve us
And his mother? Oh she wasnt any better
She would lie about my mom cheating on him and shit. And he always believed her. Which got my parents in alot of fights. He also beat her up idk how many times

Lmao in the end he turned out to be cheating on my mom for 5 years or something idk

And now he has married that woman

Eh, well my mom is gonna divorce him in a few months.

Wanna know why im scared of opening doors to people? Well last year and the year before he kinda forced himself into our house- and while i was asleep. I would always be woken up by the sounds of loud knocking and him fake crying and begging us to let him in.
And eventually, we did. Well not me but my family.

Once we argued for like 5 hours straight
He kept gaslighting me and guiltripping me
"B-b-but i had a job.. i was struggling with my job ://// " and didnt acknowledge anything i confronted him about.
While he was 'struggling with his job'
We were being beaten and starved and abused and shit (btw we were living in another country, if u were to transfer what he earned to the money back in my homeland it woukd be alot. So he COULD feed us properly but he chose not to)

Anyways. Yeah. Fuck him. I hate him. I hate him so fucking much
The day he dies i'll fucking celebrate it
...

Okay, you know what, i'll try living longer than im supposed to just to celebrate his death. Yeah :D

Woah nevermind. I wont be able to celebrate bc im academically a failure
Well bc i havent bene able to focus for a while
My brain has been so foggy
And empty
And silent. But its still loud somehow. Well, all the shouting and screams and conversations are pretty muffled. Like theyre underwater or something.

My emotions feel very muffled too
Like.. i dont know how to explain.

Imagine my emotionsas a person whos drowning. The more intense the emotions are, the higher the person can swim thus almost reaching the surface (the surface= me feeling the emotion). And the more weaker the emotions are, the more far away they are from the surface. Which means i cant feel them at all. The more intense ones i can almost feel, but not quite.
My body does react to those emotions by the way. And i can make facial expressions too- lmao most people call me dramatic and childish bc of how i act. But idk, i think im more mature than they'll ever be. I may act childish but im not. It just a mask i've put on since i was a toddler or somthing. And now i cant seem to take it off.
...

I cant even feel anything for people im supposed to love...
I cant feel empathy but i said i do
Im just good at understanding emotions and how the brain works
Because i've been observing people for yearss and yearssss now. And i've also done plenty of research on psychology. So yea.
I do understand emotions but i cant actually feel them
...

Am i selfish
I dont wanna be selfish..

....

But i use people around me for my own benefit
But like- i give them benefits too. I help them. I treat them with a lot of respect.

Idk.

I guess the way i view relationships is just a bit different

If the other person can give me something, i give them something in return. If they do a favour for me, i do one in return. Most of the times i dont even expect anything back.
I make alot of efforts to maintain my relationships.
Am i still a bad person? I dont wanna hurt anyone
But as someone who doesnt feel their emotions i cant see any other way to view relationships other than a busines transaction

...

Why am i like this

I dont even feel bad for anything
Well, i do.. but only sometimes.

....

Anyways im gonna go eat something.
(08:48am, Thursday 6 june 2024)