Best HFY Sci-Fi Stories: The Rules Of War

A mutual enemy...

An original story written, and granted permission to narrate by u/UnfairOrder

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I am the Net Narrator. I will be narrating various tales from around the internet, which may be spooky, may be creepy, may be funny, may be awesome or may be something else. Stick around and play me while bored at work and enjoy!

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[garysmith]

"You killed billions of our soldiers with your weapon!"
"Yes, that was rather the point of it."

[vanevanhaagen]

All i could think of was: "Here comes the Sun"

[davidpoole]

"We attacked 3 boats, they dropped the sun on us twice"

[thisisspeledwrong]

"How have they not had a holocaust amongst themselves" ... who's gonna tell them

[broEye]

Reminds me of a video from I believe Australia. A bunch of idiot robbers decided to hold up a bingo game, unaware that there was a bar through one of the back doors filled to bursting with their equivalent of Hell's Angels. Tons of guys who hear "there's a robbery" not as "someone needs to do something" but as "you can beat the ever-living $h!t out of them and no one will complain!" Suddenly the robbers are running as a stampede of guys in leather jackets come storming out and grabbing random pieces of furniture as they come. Give mankind a foe they feel justified in fighting, and there's no telling what we might do.

[paulqueripel]

An advisor with their back turned to the emperor? Bad move normally, leads to a short career.

[bandiras]

Neutron bomb. There are no defense against neutrons. Expect lots and lots of matter so thick, what would make the ships nimble like a a mountain.

[dj]

Give Humanity an outside threat to unite against at your own peril

[Hostile]

Couldnt imagine anything scarier than total war with a unified Earth

[Heidao]

A friendly alien is a potential business partner
An enemy alien? *MEAT FOR THE GRINDER :}*

[rfactor]

*OMINOUS HMMMM*
*beepbeepbeep*
Nuclear launch detected.

[BaronVonMott]

It's been proven time after time throughout human history - nothing unites us better than a common threat.

[TheHighborn]

sounds like a severe case of finding out

[anathardayaldar]

You have awakened a sleeping giant and filled it with a terrible resolve.

[camohawk]

Welp time to let the Canadians and Polish check off the Geneva checklist.

[ZM]

You have two options, unconditional surrender or death....

Then who ever take over for you has two options...

[gillsmoke]

So about those rules, I think you might want to look them over.

[DRAONWEED]

Human to xeno, " yay, we get to PARTY!!!" Xeno to human, "why are you laughing & claiming you get to party?" Human to xeno, "You misunderstand us, we are throwing you a going away party, War is our favorite recreational sport.

[keithvernonlewis]

LIFE made so much SIMPLER WITH MODERN NUCLEAR WEAPONS and who says YOU can't HAVE FUN WITH THE I KNOW I MISSED MY CALLING IN COLLEGE!!!

[stevedixon]

Ah yes. Humans will fight each other UNLESS there is an external threat we need to remove from the field so we can get back to fighting ourselves. Humans will fight under stringent self imposed rules of war EXCEPT when an external threat has violated those same rules, knowingly or not. You have violated both of these conditions. We are sorry.