How to survive the holidays as a dementia caregiver

Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.)

In today's video, I am talking about specific tips for you and your loved one with dementia to enjoy the holidays. I hope it can help.

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Find out: "why you should lie to your loved one with dementia"
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacare

[dlight]

We're not visiting family this year. last year was a disaster. the year before was more traumatic for the person that I care for. The person that I care for his behavior has declined over the last year there were more behavioral issues. The year before, family did not understand what my loved one was going through, berated him, criticized him and told him that he was not going through a lot of stuff, when he was going through more than anyone could ever imagine. This September when family was coming to visit, us he tried to take his life and this is a direct result of the past two years and experiences during the Thanksgiving ~ Christmas holiday. I am just not doing this anymore. I am over it. I have to put my foot down it's not a matter of what other people want anymore. it's a matter of what is best. I have been trying to please other people in my family for so long hearing their please all we just want everybody to be together well this dysfunctional family is just too much and it is just not in my loved ones best interest. My loved one is getting Parkinson's which is clear to me now and this month of October I started seeing symptoms in the early summer not sure what was going on I thought it was dementia but now I know it is Parkinson's. I'm sure everybody's going to reply with I'm sorry you're going through this which is the typical scripted reply does not matter all I want to share is that I think that if your gut is telling you that you do not need to be around family because they just don't get it then don't be around them and that's what my gut is telling me this year. It was telling me that 2 years ago also but I gave into other people's wishes not a good thing to do at all especially when you get that hunch that you really shouldn't be doing it. Go with your gut feeling you know your loved one better than anybody else and the worst thing is to have people criticized and then make them feel terrible to the point that they just want to take their life. If dysfunction is involved stay away. It's not worth the emotional wear and tear and damage.

[redering]

My mom thinks we’re close to Christmas all year long! So when the holidays actually come around she’s over it. Last few yrs not so good bringing her around to family. This year we will stay at home and if anyone wants to visit us, they are certainly welcome. I’m not going to put her through that anxiety again. Thanks Dr Natali for the tips.... I’ve been doing what everyone else wanted, this year I’m doing what’s best for mom.

[UFRAZ]

Just found you. I'll be tuned in daily. I'm an only child dealing with my mom's dementia but I am afraid it is out of control at this point. Thank you angel

[jrob]

My moms other sons rarely see her, both live less than 3 miles away thankfully she doesn't realize how long it is between their visits. I am sure they will pop in for Christmas maybe even meet us at our favorite place to eat, thankfully she is still able to go to lunch daily at the same spot with help from me and the restaurant staff they love her some of the servers call her mama. All our old traditions of big home cooked meals for holidays and Sundays ended several years ago. On the bright her having zero short term memory she doesn't recall how sorry some people around her are. I do.

[alanr]

Thanx giving was hard alot of memories of past holidays.She would cook everything my Mom pies turkey.

[dlight]

My perception of the whole thing is that the person I'm caring for I only have a short period of time with him yes he is going to try to take his life again so I am just trying to make this time with him as enjoyable for him as possible.

[deborahj]

I want to get through Thanksgiving with a little stress as possible. Thanksgiving day will be 1 year to the day of my dads passing and their Anniversary 2 days later.. I do not want to just ignore those events, but neither do I want to upset my mom.

[Lynchbricks]

Hi from the U.K.
I’m Desperately looking for advice.
My mother has spent thousands on credit cards in a few months. All on clothes. Never worn but receipts deliberately ripped up and labels swiftly removed. The clothes are stuffed into wardrobes that are bulging with unworn clothes.
We’ve talked about how much she’s spent. We’ve talked about her income. We’ve talked about having a month ban on clothes buying
But 2 days later back at it. Sneaking up the stairs, lying, pretending she can’t show me as they are gifts for me etc.

I’m awaiting power of attorney. But was able to get the credit card and replace it with a new prepaid debit card.

She can self-travel and finds comfort looking around the shops. She’s been shoplifting/ spending money for food on clothes and somehow it seems has managed to get a replacement credit card. Which she’s hidden.
She’s still buying clothes. Still hiding it and won’t be reasoned with.

Now of course it’s Xmas time. So she’s buying Xmas present over and over for people.
I sat with her and we went together over everything and what is for who. Wrote it all down. 2 days later bought pretty much the same items. Which she’s hidden but I’ve seen and is refusing to bring them downstairs.

I’ve been to the shops. I’ve tried to find the damn card. She’s being really devious, hiding things, lying etc. I’m really struggling.

What can I do that I haven’t considered?

[retroguyretail]

this year is gonna be tough my mom has been gone for 6 years it was just me and my grandmother I was always working on the holidays as a chef but we always had the time to have dinner

[Pete_carp_whisperer]

Hi Dr Natali
Firstly thank you for sharing all the great advice.
Do have any tips or advice for my Dad who is the main carer for my Mum what has dementia. She is very anxious every time Dad is on the phone talking to me. Mum also wears hearing aids and struggles following our conversations. She is pulling at her skin and leaving friction type wounds. She has a real problem with time and Dad is really struggling caring, but refuses respite care.
Please help.