7 Things You Need to Know When You Don't Feel Good Enough

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We all go through times when we don't feel good enough. When we wonder if we're lovable enough, valuable enough and worthy enough. We all struggle with our self-esteem in this way at least from time to time. Here are several things to remember when you don't feel good enough - and the more you remind yourself of them, the better you're going to feel about yourself and the more your self-confidence will grow.

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[niaselah]

I think part of the problem for many of us is that we were not praised or recognized for doing something good or right but only criticized for doing something wrong.

Therefore we tend to do the same and we are not aware of things we have done right.

I like an expression I heard the other day. " Even God waits for the end of times to judge humanity". I grew up with the distorted interpretation of this. Even God was used against you like a form of thought police or a constant judge. But now when I listened to this expression I saw the completely different meaning. It's not that God is waiting in the sense of expecting to judge you but the precise opposite, God wouldn't judge you now, wouldn't use one single mistake to judge you. Independently from if someone believes in God or not ( totally valid and respectable) the distortion has been impose to a lot of people, modelled parenting and cause trauma, it's internalized and reproduced.

[Slutibartfast]

This is an amazing talk. I wish i had you as a voice in my head instead of the negative one I was traumatically raised up on.

[chrisdigitalartist]

Hi Julia!

Senior Shifter Chris here!

I am feeling very sentimental here and I hope you see my comment but I want to once again thank you for being here for me, being my coach and never giving up on me. You are the first person that has really made a difference in my life for making me feel better. I am encouraged by your words but also appreciate that you had taught me that I can make myself feel better by reminding me of this inner work.

I really love these reminders.

One take away, however, is I freeze when you say Life is Short. Because I know it is. But even that stops me because then I feel like I have so much I want to accomplish, not because I need them to feel good enough about myself, but to live a fuller life...but you are right. We don’t even know when our time is up. I have a family member who is ill and that is putting that perspective in me.

I recently heard this from someone (can’t remember the name) but it goes something like, “We don’t have to be good enough - we just have to do the work.” I love that because it takes that pressure away that we don’t have to worry about being good enough. Just do the work. Be it this inner work, or what goal you want to live a fuller life and like you said, it is for that reason and not to prove that we are good enough, worthy or have value.



Here are my quick notes:

1. When you compare yourself to others, know that there will always be someone with more or appears to be better. Don't compare.



*What is that goal or thing that you think is going to make you finally feel good enough? We don't need anything or accomplish anything to feel good enough!



2. Thoughts are not truths. Recognize the distorted thoughts.



3. Our mistakes, failures and shortcomings do not define us.



4. Life is short.

5. We are all average and that is okay.

6. Good enough is NOT earned. Worthiness is NOT proved. We are worthy because we were born. That is the only prerequisite.

7. You don't have to make big and splashy things to make a difference in the world. Small things can make a big difference for others.



Good enough is NOT a destination…it is a decision.


To anyone and everyone reading this – you are a worthy and valued person. ❤

[svdyxbr]

Im having issues with my job and my past love leaving me when we were doing so well.. i wrote down alot of positive affirmations and I am starting to believe most of them now.. thks Julia, ur amazing!!

[zakiamwoma]

Yes. Yes, Yes. I remember how I did bad in subtraction and addition in class 1. Others understood it. I was shamed by the teacher and classmates. It still rings in my head head from 50 years ago. But, I later was one of the best students in math in high school and beyond.

[daisyrowaro]

Thank you Julia loved this. Always enjoy your videos.

[Marekcatholic]

Myself -dealing with serious mental illness. Its one of few crosses to bear. We cannot all be CEOs, someone has to sweep the streets . it doesnt make me any less valuable :) . So trying to do my small bit, by being there for people, with people I know, that are in my life, while being well aware of my limits. thank you for the video Julia

[lesliengo]

I really appreciate your knowledge and compassion for us Julia! Personally, I use a comparison between water to plastics. Water is liquid and natural while plastic is solid and artificial, and I think to myself "water does not need to become plastic to be good enough. Water is good enough just the way it is. In fact, I'd rather see less plastics in the world." I also water plants on public property that are dry due to the dry spell we are having in the west coast. That made me feel good that anyone can do too

[maryscott]

Thank you Julia, this blew my mind! Thank you for reminding me that I AM good enough! ❤

[SpotterSky]

This video is immensely uplifting and full
of words of wisdom! Thanks JK

[Beckford]

This popped into my YouTube recommendations today and I really needed it, really needed to hear these words. I cried throughout this video.

[nomics]

Hi Julia, hope all is well with you! Always great to see you post and to be helping people! We need more of you in this world! Massive Respect and Love for ya!

[ivee]

i always look forward to your videos. Thank you, Julia!

[trudibarraclough]

Thankyou! I really appreciate hearing that I am normal! My family hold me to absurd standards, especially my sister (71yrs) who tells me I am too kind to others while she also feels entitled to be rescued by me. Catch 22 all the way lol

[stevecatanio]

You're good enough. More than good.

[TatiaDee]

So true! Waves and troughs of emotions ❤️

[elliottr-zxiv]

I immediately calmed down after watching this.

[freshfrozenfruitonastix]

Hearing this today made my day!!
Mucha appreciated. Thank you so much.❤ Ana

[stacyklesen]

I've been doing a lot of self-inquiry work (I swear I'm using up all my pens!) and you talking about the shame connected with not feeling good enough is very validating. I had the realization recently that pretty much all my negative beliefs/feelings/situations stem from some form of "not (good) enough"-ness. Also realized I was feeling a LOT of shame due to feeling like I've messed up a lot lately - and that the shame was rooted in my not feeling good enough.

I've also had the realization that the not good enough program is so engrained in most of us and that we often take on the meaning that we're not good enough based on someone's actions/response to us, when in reality THEY were feeling not good enough which is why they acted the way they did. But since we're so conditioned to think we're not good enough, someone else's not good enough-ness becomes a statement/reflection on our own not good enough-ness. But we don't recognize that the other is feeling that way - we think it's just us.

I had a HUGE aha years ago with a friend. I always felt she got all the attention when we went out and I felt like the invisible loser. I mentioned it to her one day and to my shock, SHE felt that I was the one who got all the attention and she was the one ignored. We were both extremely surprised that we felt the same way because we were both absolutely SURE the other got the attention. So that was an eye-opener in that we really don't know how others are processing the same situations.

Basically, just about everyone feels not good enough but we think everyone else doesn't suffer that like we do.

Damn that negativity bias.

[denisf.]

Thank You Julia For Another Great Video Giving A Better Understanding Of This Topic 😊