The Surprising Truth About Splitting Nobody Tells You

Splitting, also known as all-or-nothing thinking, can trap you in a cycle of seeing the world in extremes—either all good or all bad. This protective but maladaptive coping mechanism is common not only in Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) but also in other disorders like Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Bipolar Disorder. Splitting simplifies stressful situations but distorts reality, amplifying your anxiety, fear, and anger. What if you could break free from this hero or zero mentality? In this video, we'll explore how to move beyond the black-and-white mindset, embrace the shades of grey, and open yourself up to a more balanced and fulfilling view of yourself and the world around you. Join us to discover how to shift your perspective and find peace in the middle ground.

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles and books in these areas and is the author of:

Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

youtube shorts,youtube channel,youtube video,emotions,mental health,facts,emotional facts,youtube short,youtube shorts video,shorts,mental illness,mental health awareness,how to improve mental health,improve mental health,mental health tips,anxiety,dr fox,dr fox shorts,dr fox youtube channel,dr fox bpd,dr fox npd,most viewed youtube shorts,psychology,therapy,depression,therapist,splitting,relationships,relationship advice,healthy relationships

[heatherpratt]

Last night I had another bpd episode. While it was less intense and I was less reactive this time, I still found myself splitting saying things like “I am always wrong” and “ I can’t ever get this right “ which led to the feelings of hopelessness and then urges to self harm and SI was present. With all the courage I could dig up I resisted those urges and went to sleep. I am currently working on emotional regulation in therapy and I think my primary struggle is feeling discouraged when I do get triggered. It’s like my brain is telling me “see you got upset again. You’re never going to heal.” I somehow still believe that I’m never supposed to get triggered or upset again and if I do it means I failed. 😢

[codywilson]

Thank you for including the clip of the Venus flytrap missing the bug, even if it wasn’t intentional. It made me feel better about not always being able to catch myself or my words 7:17

[Cbbybr]

I have been struggling for at least about least 6 months with one person who is a friend and my brain has been completely flip flopping the whole time between when I don’t hear from her I delete her number and never want to hear from her again to once I get a response I instantly reply and really want to meet up and feeling incredibly guilty because she is the nicest person and it doesn’t seem to matter how nice someone is, once I have shared something quite vulnerable with them it just seems to happen and it’s so draining and exhausting.

Your videos are really helping me understand it a lot more though so please keep making them

[steliosmil]

Thank you for this video!What I found helpful managing "splitting" is acknowledging how I feel before expressing thoughts and cognitions, practicing self reassurance, taking breaths and being in a safe place surrounded by calm people.

[katieg]

It might seem counterintuitive, but I've gotten much better with splitting once I was able to normalize it more. The reason these groups are more prone to splitting is likely because they grew up in an environment that reinforced splitting rather than challenged it. It's like a shell that develops the more it's needed and hardens over time, despite maturing and maybe even leaving the original environment. If you think of it like a shell, it's hard to know in the first place it's even there because it has grown with you, and even after you know, it's hard to whittle away at because we intuitively associate it with protection. It really is something that needs to be whittled away at, and we need environments that reinforce breaking it down if that makes sense. People that are forgiving, allowing and safe to be vulnerable with. Does that seem impossible to a lot of you guys? Trust me, I know. I'm right there with you.

[bogdanlazar]

Thank you :) It feels very joyful and relaxing just listening to you and how kind you are. You are a good mother :D

[annahgibbus]

Although I am not diagnosed BPD I watch your videos & received a free copy of your BPD Guided Journal.
I can't believe I received it because if I remember correctly while filling out the application it got to complicated for me & I gave up, so I wasn't expecting a copy.
😆LoL
I finally as a senior was diagnosed properly from a neurologist: Depression, anxiety & CPTSD off the charts, developmently delayed although my IQ is 98, zero Executive function & Asperger's. Even if I'm not formally BPD I struggle severely with everything. LoL
In a week I am going to delve into your book & follow what ever the instructions are, complete it & give a good review for you. Possibly it wouldn't be a good review because I haven't gone through it yet, but from what I've skimmed through it looks very deep & I'm pretty sure it will be valuable & helpful to me.
Thank You Very Much!

[HalseyOG]

Still working on managing splitting. This does help. Thank you

[Ordiornetide]

I played this when I was stressed and it helped

[ismailozerozgul]

Basically, if you pierce their veneer of grandiosity, their shield, if you have your own personality with your own autonomy and agency (free will), this is seen as a profound betrayal to them. This may not make sense to you, but the reason is this: In their mind, you exist as an internal voice, an image, that should have a fixed version. You exist only as a messenger and validation of their own hallucinations, not as your own personality.

And once you show your own personality or demonstrate this to them, it creates anxiety, abandonment anxiety in them.

That’s why they belittle and abandon you; fundamentally to avoid rejection and their own sense of abandonment.

[wendiburkholder]

Thank you so much for this video. It really helps people with BPD. Please keep making these videos. Some people really need them.

[loriholguin]

Dr. Fox! I wrote to you a few days ago asking if you had any helpful information for others who aren't BPD or NPD, etc... Thanks for making this video! I'll be sharing it! I am looking forward to more content. 😊

[jenniferstanley]

I love the practical exercises you give. They are very helpful. Body scans are definitely telling! Thank you for your work.

[ashleyclark]

You are so helpful! Thank you!! I didn’t feel like I was splitting, but I also never heard it explained like you just did. Same with [quiet] bpd.. Now I can see that I split often (mostly towards myself) so now I believe I can work on it.

[hammersaw]

I'm going to borrow your audiobook from the library. The way I do it is by brainwashing myself via repeating chants, poems and songs often to remind me of the nuances.

[clxnsey]

Awful audio Dr but other than that awesome video. Thank you for dedication to this field of work. You are a life saver.

[JWolff-mdij]

I'm grateful for the video. I just don't see myself in this way. A 100% or 0% kind of way. The examples were helpful. I definitely disassociate. But I don't believe I split.
And because I can't see myself like this my interest level is.. "cold" towards what I can't relate to.

[leanegreen]

Can people with bipolar split as well? I would assume so, since bpd and bipolar semi over lap with each other, and also overlap narc tendencies

[lechatleblanc]

for me i fear of future splitting in a marriage...i guess i dont fear it all the time, but sometimes i do ... i dont want my hero to become a devil in a split second cuz of some silly thing they say which triggers my trauma

[okay]

how to overcome / deal with splitting??