The Myth of Female Friendship

Hello Loves!

If you're like me, you also have maybe one or two friends (if that). In today's video, I want to talk about why. Make sure to give this video a like if you like it and subscribe if you haven't already!

xo,
F.

00:00 Introduction
00:55 Therapy made me realize I had no friends
3:00 Disney Channel set us up for failure
5:26 What friendships REALLY look like
6:52 We think we don't have to work at friendship
9:10 An insightful phone call with a friend
10:47 "Big Friendships" How We Keep Each Other Close
11:36 Not every friend is for every season of life
12:50 Not having friends doesn't make you weird
15:41 Your values can determine the amount of people in your life
17:42 We still need feminine connection
18:16 "Am I a good friend?"
19:22 Put yourself out there
20:49 Become friends with your husband's best friend's wife
21:14 Reconnect with friends from your past
22:27 Conclusion

[CaseyAvalon]

I realized over the years that just because she's YOUR best friend, doesn't mean your HER best friend.

[Divinegirl]

I wish I could meet other girls who value friendship the same way they do relationships. I think it’s so important to maintain friendships when your dating but it’s common for them to get into a relationship and completely forget about you

[MathPiHanan]

As I get older, I value quality friendships over quantity

[NotJessH]

Not one of my “friends” attended my engagement party, wedding or baby shower. I never had any real friends. All of my friendships were transactional. As soon as I wasn’t “useful” they cut me out of their life.

[heatherwillis]

I've always been so insecure about the fact that I don't have friends. I didn't have anyone to have in my wedding or throw me a baby shower. Several years ago, I had a partner who specifically asked "Why do you think you don't have any friends?" and I was so embarrassed. I don't think a day has passed where I haven't felt lonely and thought about that specific moment.

[clerknorth]

Nobody talks about also how devastating a friendship breakup is, especially if you've been friends forever. The fake cordiality in public is so sad, just like a romantic breakup.

[theonewhosthere]

friendships really need to be treated more like relationships cause that’s what they are.

[waterfall]

Being a woman and approaching 30 I lost all my friends from my twenties. Either they showed their true colors or we grew apart. At this point I only have an online friend who I will text occasionally. Appart from that, I have no real friends. I asked my neighbor to go eat out with me and luckily she agreed. Making friends when you’re older is hard.

[myzzkim]

What makes it worse is having a mom that doesn’t have friends herself or doesn’t think it’s a big deal to not have friends. My mom has coworkers she goes to lunch with occasionally but that’s it. She says she understands how I want friends but not really. She’s been with my Dad since her early 20s. I feel like women get married and the don’t see the need for friends too. Some of these comments are interesting. Especially the ones coming from married women. Balance is everything. As soon as their marriage hits the rocks. Friends matter. Smh.

[JaM]

I had one 'perfect' friend that was my ride or die, my sister, my best friend - the dynamic that is displayed in the media. Our parents were also close so naturally we grew up together into our twenties. We had the same interests and hobby's (horseriding) and would see eachother every day at the barn for years. She sadly passed away two years ago in a car accident. A big part of my grieving journey is learning how to live with the loss of this relationship, figure out who I am without her. A difficult thing to learn for me was that this was a once in a lifetime thing, a friend for life, the friendship was very rare and my other friendships are never going to be like it. If you are fortunate enough to have a friend like I did - please cherish it!

[bliss]

I really thought I was the only one. Everyone around me seems to have such a strong core group of friends and yet here I am with so called “friends” who don’t even bother checking up on me. I used to be so desperate for friends but now I’m slowly learning to accept that friendships aren’t everything. I’m gonna continue to welcome positive people into my life but I will no longer actively search for friendships. If that person is meant to be in my life, they will so I’ll just leave it up to God and let what happens, happen.

[AllysCorner]

I remember being so upset and disappointed at myself for "losing" friends that I was so so closed with in high school/secondary school. Like I just couldn't understand why we were so close to each other before and now, we're just not. Sometimes it's because of an argument, sometimes it's just not because of anything. And all I could think of is how bad I was as a person that no one wanted to be close friends with me. But I have this bestie and she said her sister told her this: "Throughout different phases of your life, your friends circle will change and it cannot remain the same anymore. You will see this the clearest when you get married, have children... Your former friends are gonna fall out and you'll make new friends along your journey as your needs and values change. That is completely normal."

[Chloemm]

Over the years, I've realized that friendships can be a lot like dating. Sometimes you're really into them but the other person doesn't feel the same way and vice versa. It's a rarity when the enthusiasm matches up. I cherish it when it does happen.

Also, I feel that one of the reasons that friendships have taken a back seat in adult life is that people rely too much on social media to check up on their friends and see what's going on with their lives. I appreciate the ones that will meet up in-person or even be willing to pick up the phone and have a conversation rather than just texting.

[euphonical]

I feel so jaded from old friendships that it really has prevented me from even attempting to make a new long lasting one. Being backstabbed from someone you took so much comfort in and trusted really wears you down. It's unintentionally taught me to stay very surface level with everyone I know.

[Cadisainmduit]

I was a nail technician from the age of 18 until 33. I'm 35 now. What I learned from doing women's nails is that we do not prioritise female friendships. Particularly women who grew up a generation before me. They seemed to prioritise getting married and dedicating their lives to their children. A lot of them their marriages ended and their children grew up and had their own lives and they were left feeling lonely. I have worked really hard to maintain a really strong group of women. Women who want to spend sober time together, who have lives outside of romantic relationships, who are intelligent, ambitious, empathetic, and have good communication skills. I will always prioritise my female friendships. I am independent, I'm a single mother, and I can support myself. So If I have a romantic relationship it will complement my life, not take over time spent with my friends.

[Mrslovett]

I was basically bullied by my "friends" growing up. It wasn't just light roasting either. It was consistent put-downs, minimizing of my feelings, taunting and sometimes physical violations :( I got to college had no idea how to be friends and basically accepted "crumbs" and didn't really think I deserved strong connections. I took what I could get. I'm just now starting to make good friends and I'm 33 years old :/

[DH-uwus]

I don’t still talk to the friends I grew up with. It takes both sides to put the effort in to maintain the friendship, which wasn’t the case for me. I’m someone who likes quality time with people, so communicating through social media or even texts is not enough for me to consider you my friend. I have found success with reaching out to people I work with and asking them out. So that’s something I will continue to do and see where it goes.

[xannabelliax]

As an introvert I've always really struggled with friendships. This is refreshing to hear

[everafter]

I had a female friend. I thought she was my friend until she lied about being in a car accident just to avoid going to the movies with me. If she didn't want to go she could've just said I'm busy or no. It's insanely depressing

[sarlut]

Honestly, in this day and age its all about shallow friendships and not people who you can sit down and have deep conversations with.