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INFJ Disappointment with Romantic Partners
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Many INFJ personality types and INFP personality types experience a pattern of disappointment with romantic partners. One of the main reasons for this disappointment is the idealism found in both INFJ personality types and INFP personality types. Both types have a strong tendency to base their evaluation of a person on the potential they see in that person, and not on the reality of the person standing in front of them.
Another reason INFJ personality types and INFP personality types experience disappointment with romantic partners is because we often choose partners based on a “healing fantasy,” which means that we have a fantasy that the person will fulfill our unmet childhood needs, and give us whatever it is we believe we lacked in childhood. Subconsciously, we expect that the person will see us in the way we feel we need to be seen, and make up for all the ways we felt like we were not seen by our parents, or our primary caregivers.
INFJ personality types and INFP personality types create an idealized vision of our partner based on these unmet needs, and our hopes that they will fulfill them, and then we become dependent on that vision. When we are faced with evidence from reality that the real person does not match up to the vision in our mind, our vision is cracked, or entirely shattered, and we experience deep disappointment. We feel let down, and resentful, and then we begin to look for ways that the person will let us down even more. We may also experience a resurgence of the original anger we had for our parents that we have buried deep within us.
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Another reason INFJ personality types and INFP personality types experience disappointment with romantic partners is because we often choose partners based on a “healing fantasy,” which means that we have a fantasy that the person will fulfill our unmet childhood needs, and give us whatever it is we believe we lacked in childhood. Subconsciously, we expect that the person will see us in the way we feel we need to be seen, and make up for all the ways we felt like we were not seen by our parents, or our primary caregivers.
INFJ personality types and INFP personality types create an idealized vision of our partner based on these unmet needs, and our hopes that they will fulfill them, and then we become dependent on that vision. When we are faced with evidence from reality that the real person does not match up to the vision in our mind, our vision is cracked, or entirely shattered, and we experience deep disappointment. We feel let down, and resentful, and then we begin to look for ways that the person will let us down even more. We may also experience a resurgence of the original anger we had for our parents that we have buried deep within us.
Subscribe to Lauren’s newsletter!