What surprises me about the end of life and why it matters

Even after working as a Hospice Nurse for so many years, I think there's always something new to learn or experience with the End of Life.

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#endoflife #hospice #activelydying

[markrunyon]

My Mom passed in a hospice facility in April, while I was feeding her, I knew that she was gone, The doctor who came in right after said "keep talking to her, she can hear you for at least 20 minutes.I didn"t question it because their was no down side if he was wrong.

[JobyJoby-iwwr]

I'm preparing to die alone. Palliative Care starts this month after Home Nursing discharges me this week. Reevaluating hospice care later this summer. My family visited me this weekend - a wonderful experience. They live 3 hours away and have their own lives. Neighbors from Hell - I avoid them. The second Behavioral Health practitioner dropped me last week, he apparently got tired of hearing me ramble on, same as the first practitioner. I'm somewhat overwhelmed by basic tasks - I'll soldier on to the end. I want to pass in my retirement home, very proud of my home and worked hard for it.

[senseofstile]

I am retired. I worked as an RN. I remember a cancer patient. She was in her 50's. She was ambulatory and had no problems communicating. She was discharged. About a year later, she was my patient again. Now, she wasn't ambulatory and unable to speak. She was not very alert. A lot of her family were in and out of the room. I came in and took her blood pressure. I didn't talk to her but, she looked up at me and smiled. I thought; wow she remembers me. She passed not long after that. I totally believe patients

can hear us. Love your videos.

[andrewjoyce]

My dad was unconscious for the last week of his life. We told him we loved him and that he was the greatest

[j.svensson]

My mother died in 1983. She slowly stopped eating and drinking (refusing food or water) for the last week and a half of her life. She was unable to speak due to many strokes in the speech center. The morning she died, I had to keep track of her pulse as no one else could find it. She was unconscious and yet each time my father entered the room (utterly silent) her eyes would open and she would watch him. Everyone was suffering from their grief. I whispered in her ear that it was time to let go. That we'd be ok and her situation was just hurting everyone. I told her it was ok. And I got up and went out into the back yard. I spoke to her from there. I told her it was a perfect day to go (it had snowed the day before but that day was sunny and warm). Palm Sunday. I seriously felt her hand caress my cheek and it felt like she rushed past me into the sun. Not a minute later, my sister came to tell me "We think she is gone." I knew she was. But I checked her pulse and she was gone. Her passing was so joyful. I could feel her relief. She'd been sick for almost a year with liver cancer. But I'm sure I carried her spirit out of the house so she could go on.

[Kada]

My Dad died almost 25 years ago. He was in hospice for the last 2 weeks of his life. About a week before he died he was visioning. He would stare and reach out to the right corner of the room- always with a small smile on his face. Perhaps he saw family that had passed. That's what we thought and it brought us comfort. I spoke to the hospital pastor and he said this happens frequently. Anyway my Dad wasn't responsive to any of us the last 2 weeks. We would speak to him and got no response. We did not know if he could hear us or not. We wanted to believe he could. 2 days before he died -- I took his hand and told him it was ok for him to go. He said i a low voice - "I'm trying" I was so surprised. I never expected an answer. So I do believe those in a coma or dying can hear us

[sandradarier]

So I lost my lovely father 2 weeks ago. He was very elederly, frail and sick. I watched a series of videos by Nurse Julie and these helped prepare me so much. I was so at peace with his death. You have no idea how valuable these videos are - thank you so much. God bless.

[marathoner]

My mom died on hospice one year ago tomorrow. I was with her. She had the "death rattle" going on for several hours. I suddenly heard the breathing start to change and the breaths getting shorter. I held her hand and said "It's okay Mom, I'm here. I love you Mom. It's okay to go. If you see a light go to it."

Listening to this video tonight brings me some comfort. I'm guessing that if you're right, she heard that.

[PrincessLisaU]

This is true ... Even when my mother stopped responding... I kept talking to her. In her final moments as I was telling her that I was ok .. a tear dropped from her eye and I did rubbing noses and she moved her head ... she hated it lol lol ... she waited until I left and transitioned.

I learned about the fluid because I thought if she had them she would last longer but the hospice nurses told me this ....

Keep educating us ... I was terrified of hospice. But they kept excellent care of her.

[Dawn-cbxf]

My mom held on till my daughter and granddaughter drove in from several states away. They were able to say their goodbyes, give her kisses and tell her they loved her. She passed about 6 hours after they left for the night. All the while my father and I sat there and talked to her. I do believe she heard us completely.

[marynemedez]

I lost my husband On Nov 5, 2023. I feel very fortunate to have had all our children and grandchildren at his bed side. His brothers were also there. My husband was very aware of all of us being there. Towards the end my husband was looking at the upper left corner of the room, behind him, he then got a smile on his face, turned to me, squeezed my hand and whispered, "I love you so so very much honey, but they are here to take me home so I have to go now, bye. That was it, he was gone.

[kensakamoto]

I am a partner to someone currently in hospice. I have also been a first responder and one of the first lessons we received was "Don't lie to your patient or their family" I often think of this when staffers try to comfort me by saying "Everything will be ok. or "She is fine". This is obviously not the case as she is dying.

[catmama]

My husband was in hospice for only six days. I knew the end was coming and I told him as I would talk to him. I’m gonna be OK. It’s OK you can go. I will be fine. Even though I was lying through my teeth because I wasn’t going to be fine. I wanted to let them know it’s OK to go. That day I told him that he waited till my stepdaughter and I left. We call a call 15 minutes later he passed. I will admit the death rattle is horrible sounding but they assured me he wasn’t in pain. Whenever any of the hospice workers went into my husband‘s room, they would address him by his name and say hello how are you today. They talked to him as if he could hear, I appreciated that more than I can say.

[jackpotdreams]

Hi Nurse Julie, my name is Karen. I have been subscribed to you for some time now. Yesterday, my mom Marie, passed from stage 4 stomach cancer. She was 81. I am completely heart broken and feel a piece of me went with her. However, I want to thank you profusely for your candor and your calm compassionate approach to hospice and the dying education. I found this information not only helpful but it helped me maneuver the hospitals, doctors, palliative care process and hospice in a way I couldn’t have had it not been for you sharing everything you did.

I wasn’t shocked by what was happening rather aware, informed, knew what to expect and understand why certain events were happening. I could even question doctors, nurses and hospice professionals more and stop or start certain approaches to her care I otherwise couldn’t have had it not been for you. While I am kind of numb right now as I pick up each thing she owned and cry or smile or just stare out holding something dear to her; I am super thankful to you. You helped me so much. So many ask what can I do to help you, and while I so appreciate them asking, it was you who helped me the most. Thank you seems to not be enough to say but my heart is filled with such appreciation for you ❤. You made an incredibly difficult process much easier to maneuver. Much love and a big hug for you!

[sarahkittelson]

Our minister said that my comatose dad could hear us. He heard his wife and mother planning his funeral at the foot of his bed, while he was comatose. I continued talking to my dad, and he tried to reach up with his hand to touch my face. It broke me heart. He did come out of his coma for a while when my sister flew home, 8 months pregnant, with his first grandchild. He was totally normal, although his brain cancer had stolen him from us months before. It seemed miraculous to me. But he couldn't come out of a coma for me, because I was there every day. Which broke my heart. He did come to me after his death, in a dream, which wasn't a dream. It was a visitation, and meant the world to me.

[jimrebr]

I know for sure that they can hear us. My mom almost died in 2013, she was in a coma from June 19-July 19. When she woke from her coma, she remembered everything about the ICU room she’d been in. She had 27 surgeries and was in the hospital so long, her team of specialists told us the night of June 20th that her chances of living were extremely low. She lived 11 more years, she just passed away 3-19-24, and I miss her so much, we all do. My dad is deaf with dementia and he is in a hospice house, and me and my siblings make the long journey to visit him as often as we can.

[TakeTheRide]

I hated family standing around my grandmother & talking or talking about her, as if she wasn't there, just because her eyes were closed. I know for a FACT, my grandmother's mind was present, until her last breath. She died with only me at her side. Miss ya Granny. ❤

[amadahyrose]

Thank you.

I'm a hospice chaplain and was with my mother this week as she passed. As her passing drew near, I held her face and told her how much we love her, how wonderful she is, and how she would soon inhabit a place too beautiful to imagine. Then, I sang her out of this world. The dementia left her and she KNEW everything I said was truth and had the most peaceful smile as she took her last breath.

Also, I have been in a coma. Not only could I see and hear. But my vision and hearing was amplified almost to the point of being overwhelming. (Dating myself: it was like the bionic man and woman -- ultra sight and sound.)

[censusgary]

The fact I find most astonishing is that hydrating someone at the end of life makes things worse, not better. But when you explain that the body tissues can’t use the water anymore, that makes sense.

[karenminniec]

My mom at age 99 was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and went on Hospice in December. She turned 100 in March, and is not suffering pain from the cancer. She also was diagnosed with CHF 3 years ago. But she is getting more and more tired and less interested in eating. I have watched your You Tube presentations and just bought your book. Mom is in an assisted living apartment. I believe her body is beginning to shut down more to age than the cancer. I hope she passes peacefully on her sleep.