Best HFY Sci-Fi Stories: Humans Have An Elder God!

NOPE!

An original story written, and granted permission to narrate by u/Obvious_Ad4159

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I am the Net Narrator. I will be narrating various tales from around the internet, which may be spooky, may be creepy, may be funny, may be awesome or may be something else. Stick around and play me while bored at work and enjoy!

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[regiliok]

Chuck Norris is never late
because time knows better than that

[SpectroliteDS]

So at first I thought this was gonna be about Death...and then the quotes of his feats began...

[Primearch-GG]

Chuck Norris memes FTW!
I'd say "Rest in Peace", but I'm sure that he went to hell to "educate" the demons there in proper torture.😂

[weybye]

So these aliens took the chuck Norris memes seriously

[TheFoxfiend]

Listening I was wondering "which elder god are they going to reference? Which one watches over humanity?", then it went to the list of achievements and I started laughing as I realized it was one big Chuck Norris joke. That was great!

[stevedixon]

At first I was 'cool, they are talking about Death', then after a two examples 'cool, they are talking about Chuck'.
I like the part about the darkness just getting up and leaving.

[luzifershadres]

So, some borred elder god took the form of Chuck Norris, introduced himself to the aliens and told them of his achivements. After that the aliens dug deeper and believed all chuck memes.

[bigearl]

There once was a young man who thought Chuck Norris was just a movie actor. When the young man would train, he would say things like how he could beat Mr. Norris. It got to the point that his teacher and fellow students got tired of hearing all of this brag. Teacher, who was a retired U.S. Navy UDT SEAL would try to stop him from saying things like this.
The young man's head got big because he was winning a few local tournaments. (And they were not full contact.)
At the time, Mr. Norris was filming a T.V. show in parts of Fort Worth, Texas. And from time to time, he'd swing by the place called Billy Bob's Texas. Well, the young man and his teacher both worked at Billy Bob's as security.
So, one night Mr. Norris came through and met up with an old friend ...the teacher. He told Mr. Norris of his student that had all this ego.

That next Saturday morning as the student was training for an upcoming competition. This guy arrives and the teacher brings in this guy who would be training with us to prepare for the event. Teacher calls the young guy forward to be the first to train with this middle-aged guy.
So, they start sparing. For about the first two minutes the young guy seems to be doing fine. The young man's teacher speaks up, "Chuck you don't want to miss your plane". It's at that point that Master Norris gives the young man a lesson in humility and respect.
After the light drubbing the young man got from Master Norris, (he was nice enough to pull his punches that still hurt), he was nice enough to point out some things the young man should work on. The total visit to the Dojo was probably less than thirty minutes. The lesson he taught me that day saved my life on down the line many times.
That was over forty years ago. Thinking about it still hurts.
I thank my teacher and Master Norris for this azz beating.

[davidlondot]

This is the stuff I love finding. Original and hilarious without forced punch lines...and not once was the word palpable used 🤣. Two thumbs up

[YukiteruAmano]

Halfway through I was like is this a Chuck Norris meme!' XD

[Flaywind]

Here I was thinking Grim Reaper, but no, even the Grim REaper dares not to cross him.

[RevenantMain]

Everybody gangsta till the humans start sacrificing each other and summoning a giant incomprehensible squid being

[britishbluenekochan]

What about "Him". He's been with us since our humble beginnings and he'll eventually emerge in the 30th millenia for his great crusade. Unless...

[alexander]

You fuck, you had me going, thinking this was a serious story. All praise be to the Norris.

[m.t.fguard]

The moment it said that when he looked up at the Sun the sun looked away. I immediately knew it was a Chuck Norris joke

[blackfire]

And that's just the one they have info on. This other one, on the other hand, will beat you up if you're not playing a specific device so severely that you will explode twice when he throws you. He can defeat a crowd of any size in three moves. He can multiply as many times as well as change size as he needs to. He can stop a missile and change its course 180 degrees while standing on a pane of glass. He can fall from orbit after an explosion of any size hitting the ground unharmed with no space suit or other protection. This one is the only one that can fight Chuck as an equal.

They call him: Sagata Sanshiro.

[heldt]

Chuck sounds like a name not-so-evolved people would give their God.

[chopdog]

The music made me think Death was the Elder God. Didn't give away the twist at the end.

[Just_Tired]

This just sounds like a regular day for Sly Marbo.

[nk_]

Drat, I thought they were going to talk about Santa Claus.