Psychologist Daniel Goleman Reveals How to Strengthen Your Emotional IQ | Conversations with Tom

Did you know that intelligence goes beyond just your IQ? Right within your mind, there is an even greater and more powerful level of intelligence just waiting for you to tap into. It’s known as ‘emotional intelligence’ and by mastering it, you can use it to better all areas of your life. On this episode of Conversations with Tom, psychologist and New York Times bestselling author Daniel Goleman, Ph. D, joins Tom Bilyeu to discuss such matters and more as they explore why it’s critical you become self-aware of your emotional intelligence and begin to develop it, all while pursuing your purpose and meaning in life. They discuss what emotional intelligence and emotional IQ is, how you can develop and strengthen it at any age, the power of practicing meditation regularly, how purpose and meaning is critical to leading a successful life, the common traits of successful leaders, why you need to have empathy, optimism, love and kindness, and so much more.


SHOW NOTES:

Emotional Intelligence | Daniel breaks down what being emotionally intelligent looks like. [0:27]
Learnable | Daniel reveals why it’s never too late to develop emotional intelligence. [2:48]
Training | Daniel reveals what training emotional intelligence looks like. [3:36]
Emotional Centers | Daniel discusses our brain’s emotional centers and responses. [6:52]
Children | Daniel reveals the tools he teaches children to become emotionally self-aware. [9:48]
Adulthood | Daniel reveals what you may need to unlearn as an adult. [11:09]
Meditation | Daniel reveals how he came to adopt meditation and mindfulness. [13:11]
Breathing | Daniel reveals the powerful and positive impact of breathing exercises. [21:35]
India | Daniel shares what he discovered on his journey in India. [24:43]
Importance | Daniel reveals why it matters that the western world adopts mediation. [29:13]
Workplace | Daniel shares how emotional intelligence makes all the difference. [30:51]
Psychological Safety | Daniel shares what psychological safety is. [32:34]
Social Brain | Daniel breaks down what your social brain is. [35:21]
Alone | Daniel reveals how meditators are masters of being alone. [39:39]
Purpose | Daniel breaks down the driving power of purpose. [42:26]
Meaning | Daniel reveals why meaning, purpose, and beliefs are so important to us. [44:09]
Heaven & Hell | Daniel shares why living in heaven or hell begins in our mind. [49:05]
Sheathing the Sword | Daniel shares a story of ‘keeping your sword sheathed.’ [51:26]
Redefining Success Through Purpose | Tom shares his motivation to help others. [53:29]
Money | Tom shares why he never focuses his message on money or a ‘rich life-style.’ [1:00:01]
Life | Tom shares how he balances and blends his personal life and hustle. [1:03:11]
Marriage | Daniel shares the intertwining connection partners have over time. [1:04:43]
Find Your Answer | Daniel reveals how you can find and pursue your purpose. [1:06:00]
George Lucas | Tom and Daniel discuss George Lucas and his pursuit of passion. [1:09:15]
Where We’re Going | Daniel shares his concerns over where today’s world is heading. [1:14:50]
Put-Up | Daniel shares how to turn a negative situation into a positive one. [1:17:39]
Ruthless | Daniel reveals why so many kids can have moments of ruthlessness. [1:19:55]
Empathy | Daniel shares how empathy is teachable. [1:21:42]
Optimism | Daniel reveals how optimism is directly tied to success. [1:23:18]
Your Aligning | Daniel shares what needs to align up to fulfill your purpose. [1:29:39]
Love & Kindness | Daniel reveals the importance of love, kindness, and empathy. [1:31:22]
Compassion & Anger | Daniel shares the power of compassion and the types of anger. [1:34:29]
Left Prefrontal Cortex | Daniel discusses the parts of the brain and our feelings. [1:35:54]
Men & Women | Daniel discusses the differences between the sexes. [1:37:07]
Connect | Daniel shares how you can continue to learn from him. [1:39:43]

QUOTES:

“…no matter what meditation you’re going to do, if you do it regularly, it does two things. It calms you, it makes you less triggered less often and when you’re triggered, you’re not triggered so intensely and you recover more quickly, that’s the calm, and it also focuses you. Meditation is a direct training of the mind in paying attention…” [17:39]

“Cognitive control is a stronger predictor of your adult life than your childhood IQ or the wealth of the family you grew up in.” [1:17:18]

“The first person who benefits from compassion is the one who feels it.” [1:34:29]

FOLLOW DANIEL:

[Darcy]

Daniel I admire you for tolerating this interviewer the way you did

[globalone]

I liked when Daniel (interviewee) tuned into an interviewer, to show to Tom how to handle the interviewing process properly. it pays off immediately and Tom start to give enough space and time for Daniel to finish his statement.

[ady]

Tom I respect your chanel and the work you do and I want to aks you to kindly wait for your guests to answer whatever you're asking them. Sometimes you get very excited about a subject and at the end of the day you talk more than your guest.

[lucasignoretti]

I was impressed by Daniel Goleman attitude. He really showed what empathy is during all the conversation till the point that he starts asking questions to Tom to show how he is interested in the other person! That's a great man and professional, even when Tom is a bit too impatient with his questioning something that could have disturbed more than one interviewee in a normal situation.

[AhmetKaan]

*There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.*

[bugsea]

I am isolated alone and I am doing to many self improvement things that I never could do before. It's amazing. Remolding my home, more meditation, more reading, my animals are getting better care, I'm calmer, I'm happier, I am lonely but I know it's temporary .

[grahamstoney]

The way Tom keeps interrupting Dr Goleman is emotionally hijacking my amygdala.

[tamima]

It's amazing how Daniel Goleman becomes an interviewer and Tom the Interviewee in the middle of the conversation.

[sabrinaoloughlin]

I love this guy!! I feel Tom is getting better with interrupting his guests but I can only imagine it's hard not to when your so passionate and realize there is alot to learn from them.

[LifeNavigation]

“Emotional self-control-- delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness- underlies accomplishment of every sort” - Daniel Goleman

[AnaMarcu]

Tom, I really enjoy your interviews and I am just as impatient as you but you might want to consider letting Daniel finish his sentences.

[What-vk]

I spent all last year in solitude on purpose and meditated 3 to 4hrs a day. I did not feel lonely at all and felt very calm. At 41:00 I connected to this so much. I came out this year and a different person from having done that. My amygdala was very active due to trauma and now I don't feel anger very often - when I do it converts to compassion within a day.

[dr.squidwardburr]

Anyone else notice how Tom adapted his listening strategy after Daniel asked him about how he got into his current walk & subsequently listened until Tom was totally finished?

[alyxh]

I admire your channel, and it would be a good interview if there weren’t so many interruptions. There’s a time and place to talk about what you want to say, but you’ve got this incredible human to interview and it’s jarring when I’m listening to his response and suddenly bam, it’s completely cut off. Let’s incorporate active listening 👂🏻

[sparkleinco]

Another fab interview . I discovered something I do when I can't sleep. I go mentally up and down all the streets in my neighborhood wishing each neighbor who I know " may John Doe be happy" and so on. I keep on until I have visited each house. I have been very happy lately even though in lockdown and do not see these people. Now I understand that there is probably a connection between my practice and my positive emotions.

[yogeshkulkarni]

Jottings:
- Theme: Being EQ (Emotional Intelligence) smart
- EQ: being smart about emotions
- Self Awareness (knowing feelings, cognitive control)
- Self Management (put positives forth)
- Empathy
- Social skills, relationships
- EQ more important than IQ for growth-success.
- EQ is learn-able, so teach in school, better before age 20.
- Any Meditation works, makes calmer, focuses attention.
- Meditation shifts from Sympathetic (flight or fight, amygdala) to para-sympathetic (calm, pre-frontal cortex)
- Social brain: links to brains of others. Invisible influence just by presence.
- Emotional control: Have ability to take down anyone, but don't do it.
- Finding inner drive/purpose: by accident, self-awareness, evaluating choices
- Successful entrepreneurs: growth mindset, visualization, get performance feedback, risk after homework, grit, help others (empathy)

[shembeliever]

Excellent interview thanks. Just some feedback Tom do not interrupt so much, let the guest talk and mentally reserve the Qs for after. He had barely even finished his sentence and he is being constantly cut off. Gracious guest 😁

[oliviaolivia]

Please Tom respect your guests and let them talk !!! It’s like you don’t listen what your gust is trying to say rather it’s about you and your questions ... Best interviewer nowadays is Peter Attia, he has mastered it, he listens, he asks appropriate questions in RIGHT TIME, he is calm, relax and full of respect to all his guests !!!

[jagrutinaik]

Proud to be Indian, Dr. Goleman came to India, got so many insights about meditation. Meditation comes from India from very ancient Times,

[LulaS]

"The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you." Tony Robbins