I’d like to think they’re not dumping like this to be edgy or burden you but because humor is how they deal with trauma and trivializing it like this is how they’re trying to move on. As their friend, I think you should take this as a sign that they’re trying to open up and ask them to do so without pretense, but also understand that they may just like really dark humor and they might have already moved on. If they’re your friend, they will be clear about the distinction and avoid trauma dumping constantly, at bad times, or if you’re not ready for it if you make that clear.
If they’re doing this all the time though, not as jokes but because they’re using you as an emotional sponge, that is not healthy especially if they’re not doing the same for you in return.
IamLegendAnon
Whenever someone does this I feel so awkward 😭
VioletAlysse
People do that because they don't wanna let everyone else be worried, they just wanna look like they're alright
ItzHapi
I used to do this ALL the time without realizing it. (I didn’t know my parents’ treatment counted as abuse until much later in life, so I assumed a lot of it was a common experience.) I’m better now, but there’s nothing worse than telling a “joke”, genuinely thinking it’ll make people laugh, and seeing everyone suddenly get uncomfortable and sad.
eileensnow
People like this were often told to bottle up their emotions growing up.
gloriajj
Why… why is this me?
Well actually I know why it all stems from the fact that I repress me emotions because as a chil-
ella_cupcake
I guess that's how we build a conversation, i don't know how to explain it, but mentioning bits of our traumas to each other brings us closer and slowly gets our friends prepared for the time when/if we would need a serious emotional talk. My friends and i usually share pretty related traumas, so exchanging our feelings casually lets us understand what exactly happened/has been happening to our friends and us ourselves. It's much better than, for instance, you two are constantly having fun without revealing your unwholesome past but then one day unexpectedly you have to deal with your friend breaking down upon smth which has been devouring them from the inside. So basically if you can't relate to your friend's trauma, you can say something like ''Damn, that's twisted.'' And then share some of your traumas as a gesture of exchanging, not dragging all the attention to you
anhdethui
i do this a lot and my friends are always like “hol up wait what?” and then i like feel bad because i don’t want them to worry. idk it’s like embarrassing to show emotions other than (happiness) or like make them worry, at least it is to me lol.
gen_iveve
As someone who does this, i just mention bits of trauma or stuff bothering me into convos sometimes so that i don't feel like an attention seeker for having a whole convo about me but don't feel unheard at the same time. I'm weird🙃
Dina-hvul
As someone who is kind of guilty of doing this: it’s generally because I literally have no one else to tell. I just slip it in to conversations because I’m too afraid to ask for help about my issues and I want someone to take notice.
Am i selfish? Probably.
Will I be able to stop anytime soon? No.
salem-
I'm this person on accident cause my whole life is trauma. Every time I think I'm telling a cute little casual childhood story people are like 🙃
jjkelly
It's the "you never told me this" that's the most relatable. You know someone for 10 years and they finally drop something like this. Dude what? I could've been hyping you up so much more and helping you out
DarkWaWeeGee
if you need to vent: ASK FIRST! AND BE OKAY IF THEY SAY NO!
JulianneFreytag
ok this is legit me but like only bc being casual and humorous about all the horrible shit that’s happened in my life is like one of the only ways I can talk about it or cope with things 🙃🙃🙃
this is me just trying to open up and attempting to be okay with things without feeling like I’m being a burden to others 💃🏼 yayyyy for mental health issues & deep-seated trauma !!!
jodi_kreiner
These are the days you know your friend is a moment away from a mental breakdown. I only do this when I’m about to blow because it’s a final attempt to laugh instead of cry
cowgirllife
i do this purely because i don't realize that what im living through is abnormal, most people with trauma do this for humor or to feel heard without feeling like an attention seeker, or like me, who don't realize it's abnormal/ think it's not a big deal
nekoettewings
I've actually done this quite a few times ☠️ because i feel the pressure to explain myself lol it's probably because my parents kinda don't trust me much or at all and always questioned my intentions growing up so I've developed this habit of overly explaining things so that i don't seem like an evil monster to ppl ... also my mom does this even more than me so it could just be generational trauma of some kind
jk_ilyu
That one friend? Nah that's each and every one of my friend groups! Sometimes we go around in a circle, trauma dump, all collectively say "that's not very pog", and move onto the next person
zoe_moth
I used to trauma dump, I don't anymore because I've seen people who vent or tell there problems to others a lot get called rude or attention seekers
asecretsoulll
There’s a lot of people in the comments calling other people “bad friends” or not good people or generally excusing trauma dumping. I don’t think that’s fair because there has to be some kind of boundaries even in close relationships. When you trauma dump without consideration of what the other person is going through emotionally and the fact that maybe it’s not the right situation or context, then that’s not good. I had a friend like this and while you care for them, it is exhausting and really hard to deal with it when they just dump something really fucking heavy in the middle of a light-hearted convo. It made it especially hard because I was struggling too and so I didn’t want to talk about stuff all the time, but if I drew boundaries, then I knew she would either have extreme anxiety and feel like I hate her or I just felt like a bad person. Life is hard already and it’s even harder when someone you truly care about takes every opportunity to talk about things that are more depressing.
A lot of people say that they accidentally do what she’s doing because they’re asking for help and not sure what to do or they’re just joking. That’s not trauma dumping if you’re seeking advice or finding a way to consult a CLOSE friend for how to deal with this stuff (I emphasize close because don’t do that to someone you’re not close with). If you’re just joking, then make sure it’s a friend group that understands and has set the tone for this stuff to be okay. If you consistently do this though as a means to be a part of a conversation or to make something not related about you for attention OR (the worst thing) as a way to bond with people, then while I know it’s hard, it still isn’t fair to the people around you.
If you need advice or help, seek it out from people you care about. If you want to talk about heavy stuff with close friends, ask them beforehand if you could talk about something that’s weighing on you but is a bit heavy. Please for the love of god do NOT trauma dump. It makes people who are caring and loving feel resentful because you feel trapped in this cycle of wanting to be a good friend but not always wanting to feel unhappy in every given moment with this person
