8 Types of People We should Not Help I Stoicism

In this video, we explore the Stoic perspective on setting healthy boundaries by identifying 8 types of people we should avoid helping. Based on Stoic philosophy, helping others is important, but it's equally essential to protect our energy and focus on those willing to grow. We'll discuss people who manipulate, refuse responsibility, and drain our resources, and why the Stoics encourage us to distance ourselves from such individuals. By understanding these dynamics, we can foster healthier relationships, avoid unnecessary stress, and remain aligned with Stoic values of wisdom, justice, and self-control. Watch to learn more!

[griffinina]

Key points:
1. Do not help ungrateful person
2. Lazy people
3. Irresponsible person
4. Manipulators
5. Chronic critics
6. Narcissists
7. Opportunists
8. Envious individuals

[Luckystoic]

Stoicism isn't about abandoning kindness, it's about applying it wisely.

[Catastrophickakistrocracy]

I recently called a friend I hadn’t seen in a while and he told me he couldn’t find work and was living in his car. I live alone in a large house and thought about offering to take him in until he found work, but decided against it- until he mentioned that he no longer had partial custody of his kid because of his lack of accommodation and he missed his kid. I offered him one of my spare bedrooms until he could find work and a place to rent.
I bought extra groceries, made a nice meal and while I worked, he sat on the couch and watched TV. I asked him three times to turn down the volume and he refused. I put my noise cancelling headphones on and still couldn’t stand it. I told him the maximum volume I could stand was 12 (he had it at 23). I was also irritated because he wasn’t doing anything to help. He offered and I accepted and told him what needed to be done, but he never got up from the couch. While he was still eating, I hid the TV remote. My head was aching from the hours of noise so I asked him to wash the dishes. He said he would do them—-in the morning. I told him it couldn’t wait because leaving food-covered dishes out all night would attract bugs and he still refused. The final straw was when he asked for the remote while I was loading the dishwasher. I told him to GET OUT! He didn’t spend one night at my house. No human traits disgust me more than laziness and ungratefulness.
I learned my lesson from that experience and vowed to never help anyone in that way again.

[dianaanthony]

Someone close to me experienced terrible childhood violence. They turned to d.rugs alcohol at an early age. After a devastating series of events in their late 30s they were suicidal. I began helping them, mainly by listening, some care packages, and a little monetary help. At one point i stated the boundary that i would not speak with them when they were drinking. They honored that boundary. Some more months passed and they quit drinking, smoking cigarettes, sought and landed a job, and sought help to resolve financial problems. They've now arrived at a place where underlying emotional trauma can be healed. This is good guidance for helpers to establish healthy boundaries.

[abelhernandez]

People you shouldn't help. Proceeds to describe everyone I've ever met. Got it.

[StoicMindBetterLife]

"It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." – Marcus Aurelius

[carolmartin]

It's never too late to disengage from a toxic person. I learned all these things the hard way.

[alsmith]

No good deed goes unpunished. I've found that out the hard way too many times. Now I try to tell the demanding person: 'Wait, I need to consider this'. Give yourself breathing room. A genuine person with a problem should not be impatient.

[TheHeavensAndEarth]

Im 41 and just now learning this. Ive always been compassionate with people, but im learning the wisdom of cutting people out who just use you to prop up their fake self.

[StoicRise]

Don’t waste your good on people who won’t appreciate it. It’s like throwing pearls to pigs—they’ll just step on them and might even turn on you. They aren't valueless as people, they just may not be at a place in life where they can see the value you offer. And that's okay. No judgement. It’s all about being careful who and when you share your valuable insights with. It isn't about not being unkind to others, it's about being kind to yourself, as well. Kindness + wisdom. Thanks for sharing this. ✨

[spaideman]

there are such people. they will monitor and study you whether you are kind /helpful/generous, and fully exploit you till the end.

[kyracoach]

I like this. If you feel drained.. step back, and or let go.

[stoickingdomoffical]

*Not everyone deserves your energy. In life, true wisdom lies in knowing when to lend a hand and when to step back, for helping those who refuse to grow will only weigh you down.*

[makakartheiser]

I wish I have realized these wisdoms years ago.. I wouldn’t make myself so exhausted emotionally and physically, I wouldn’t leave myself so lonely, I wouldn’t be left so my heart aches by being taken advantage of and used and not appreciated by ungrateful people

[merhona]

As a constant people pleaser, I gave away my skills, time, energy, efforts, experience and money to so many people, often without them having to actually use their words to ask me. Because I was doing everything at my own expense, all of my contributions was treated as cheap. If you give away your goods for free, people will treat it as a thing of little or no value. I got so exhausted, angry and fed up that now I only help those who ask me for help. It is surprising how few people are willing to actually articulate a request for help. They will be angry at you, manipulate, guilt, and try to shame you for not offering to help them on your own. This realisation has freed up so much time for myself. Do not help those who will not ask for the help. They will be ungrateful and especially angry if it is not the perfect way they want you to help them, blame you for things not being the way they desire, and tell you they never asked for your help!

[chikaka]

We shouldn’t expect thanks, reciprocation, or recognition for helping others & that definitely applies to helping strangers you will never see again. But for people we see regularly, we must carefully evaluate whether our help might be better directed toward someone who would most benefit & be most likely to pay it forward (which is different from paying back!). That usually is the person who is hesitant to ask for help. Also, we must be careful that the person we help isn’t a vampire who is draining us of all ability to serve in the wider world & not just one selfish individual. Of course, helping someone who normally doesn’t depend on others but has hit a crisis is always important if you care for that person at all. But our time & resources are limited. It is not a question of whether we should help, but who we should help & how.

[Curlyblonde]

A good, everyday example of practising The Stoic Principle is when you are approached for money by a disheveled person on the streets "to buy food".
I have handled this situation by saying "I don't give money but if you are hungry, you can come with me to the store and I will buy you a meal."
All the times I have been approached in this manner and my response, has resulted in the panhandler running off and expressing an unexplained disinterest in buying food for his hunger. So you know it is actually hunger of a different type.
I will not enable their addictions nor their allergy to work.

[ezrafaulk]

1. Absolutely *everything* in this video is true.

[brickmate]

Never heard so many wise and constructive sentences in a single presentation.

[okaycola]

Everyone deserves help. Lately I am learning to look after my own needs instead of helping out strangers