What To Do If Child is Manipulating You | How to Understand Children's Difficult Behavior

What To Do If Child is Manipulating You | How to Understand Children's Difficult Behavior

Have you ever asked yourself, "Is my child doing/saying this to control me?"

Have you ever feared their behavior was done solely with the purpose of making you do what they want you to do?

I know it's hard to understand difficult behaviors sometimes and knowing what to do/say during these moments isn't always clear.

In my latest video, I weigh in on the question, "Can young children be manipulative?"

I share some helpful questions to ask yourself during difficult moments so that you can show up as your best self.

Rooting for you always! :)

For more information on positive parenting, child development, and mental health, be sure to subscribe!

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DISCLAIMER 2.0: This video is for educational purposes ONLY. This is not meant to diagnosis or treat any mental health conditions or substitute mental health treatment in any way. Please consult with your child's pediatrician or a local mental health provider when considering trying new interventions.

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Sharing positive parenting tips to help you understand and connect with your child so that you can be the parent you *want* to be!

[zion]

Its interesting to me how so many people have problems calling the behaviour of a child manipulative.

If we let go of judging the label we are more capable of honestly accessign the behaviour and guide them towards succes.

Denying, enabling or justifying this behaviour will set a child up for failure.
As a parent you might be blind to their strategies, but I assure you that when they are grown its the lack of you guidance for those behaviours that will cause them to have failed marriages, job relations, friendships and

[NoraDesmond]

After listening to this video and trying to find content on how to deal with manipulative children, i can't believe what i am reading or hearing. Children nowadays are disrespectful, manipulative beings. Perhaps it's a cry for help or maybe its just bad behavior, either way its exhausting. Back in the day, "No"' meant "No". Could be that we respected our elders through fear because we knew disrespect meant the belt, or a type of punishment, it worked. Then all of a sudden the belt meant abuse and punishment meant being to strict. What that took away was the upper hand. Now it's all about talking, becoming a therapist, a friend to the child. Who has time for all of that. Especially with a generation that has grown up with instant gratification and their heads down to a screen. They no longer have patience, know how to guage facial expressions or tones. Since the agenda was to remove scolding with a belt, the "time out " method evolved, what did that do? Then the "I give up parent", was born, those who just gave their child their phone to quiet the noise. I don't care what anyone says. Parents became friends first then parents. What that did was create disrespect and a break down of the sanity of a parent.

[riekabosman]

Some children I see defiantly manipulate. Theres no need to punish, just say what you mean and follow through. Im speaking of one child in particular but ive seen many children cry if a parent says this is whats happening, and then the child gets what they want. Its giving rewards for undesirable behaviour. The same people often tell their child whats happening in a question like way, even waiting for an agreement from them before they move off and do what they say they are going to do. So its definitely different in different contexts. We need to be the leader and be clear so when we say something its heard and followed through with...anyway its easy to be someone from the outside saying this because it can be incredibly difficult in the situation, being the parent :) So no judgement. I did it with my kids. I think it is about maturity.

[ellebrew]

I feel so ashamed about the way I react to my daughter's "manipulation", she's 4. I watched this video before I went to bed, and again when I woke up so I could imprint this into my brain. Thank you so much Dr. Jasmine for explaining these things to the mom's out there. Idk about anyone else but I have a lot of trouble with control, and it gets even worse when ella started to lie and do things that seem exactly like manipulation. In fact, I have a plethora of problems I need help with parenting, and scrolling through your video list, it seems like you've hit on almost every concern I have. Do you have any videos about children with ADHD? My daughter and husband both suffer from it. HELP!

[NewBeginningsAmie]

My 9 year old niece is being manipulated by her so called friends. I’m not having it after I learned my own self love and breaking away from narcissistic and other manipulative people. Her friends are down right rude to her.

[alphaw]

This is the second video I tried to watch on this topic. Both were just dragged and dragged without right contents.

[Danidlife]

Definitely needing some help, my son has the normal tantrums at my house. I started sending him to daycare because I need to work, well he figured out if he starts hitting and being bad and destructive he gets to come home to me or to my mom. He has literally said if I’m bad at school I get to come home to you or grandma. I just need some pointers on what to do now. He has gotten kicked out of 2 daycares because he keeps putting his teacher in danger and students.

[tiffanyneuburger]

Needing help my step son tre is constantly manipulating his little brother jack (also my step son) their parents are separated and every time that jack gets a one on one day with their mom, tre will manipulate him and say “I’ll play games with you if you say I can stay for your one on one night” then he never ever does! It’s very frustrating and disheartening at this point. His brother loves him and wants that attention from him and he uses it as leverage to get what he wants. This just happened today and just this past Wednesday tre had his one on one day with his mom. I don’t know what to do! Tre is 11 and jack is 9

[AlixxRS]

So cool to think about it like: not listening = Testing my boundaries I need clear limits please. Love and Limits! Perfect video. Thank you!

[jenniferflower]

I have a step grandchild who is 9. I watched her the other day, I’m still getting to know her. She last minute got another mom, who none of us has ever met, to drop another child off at my house for a play date. It caught me off guard and had the time, so I allowed it. We went to Starbucks at one point and got cake pops. My grandchild wanted more treats than that and I said no. After we got home, the other mother showed up at our house and my grandchild ran out and got in the car with her, without telling me what was happening. They returned with bags and bags of candy. My grandchild, who doesn’t have a phone had the other child text her mother to get this to happen. She’s not allowed to have gobs of candy or it often. This is just one of the many many slights this child does. It’s hard to catch. If it’s no to one things there’s a very sneaky other way she goes to make it happen.

[TheGokkiz]

I am lost my mind, I don't how to deal with my son with ocd, yes he manipulate me too, hopefully this will help us😢

[thisslightlysweetlife]

Some kids actually are manipulative. That needs to be addressed.

[wonderingstar]

If someone is bossy..how would you name it for example if the features of the behaviour is bossy?What would you name it? Since you say not label. Everything in life we name...the reason being is to be able to identify and once we identify the features we will be able to do something about that issue...otherwise we can`t relate and explain to others what we are trying to say...I am wondering that if psychologist ever go into a home...observe an issue such as eg. tantrums..shouting frustration..manipulation etc.... I can go on and on... to study by observing because a lot of situations where parents have a problem they go for help...the parents receive a lot of verbal guidance and theory but nothing of the theory is matched with observance experiencing the actual issue in order to help! ...There is an example in vids of Nanny 911 where she actually goes in the home...tell them to carry on as normal ...observe...and is able to pinpoint the situation ...discuss with parents... then find a technique to help the child to be more responsible for their actions! The frustrations of parents to explain and to be believed that they are sometimes are in desperate need for intervention in what they are trying to explain without a psychologist not going out to first hand experience what the behaviour in question needs is frustrating in itself!! It takes absolute dedication..time and on the ground experience if you really want to help genuinely and that I haven`t seen in some professions where its highly needed!

[shannonlusnia]

So if they are doing it with dishonesty like literally lying to one parent about what the other is doing - what is it he is needing ? It feels like he is recognizing the tension between us and maybe needing us to be on the same page ? Am I way off?

[westsighed]

The question I would like you to answer is this whole discussion but based at school and assuming that the parents are not able to shape their child in an agreeable manner. This causes the kids to tell us school staff in a hidden behavioural manner that they are lacking parental guidance or TLC. At the end of the day the school see the kid more than some of the parents and they crave what cannot be given to them and act out at school affecting everyone else.

[dorroughshow]

I stumbled across this video because my daughter was manipulating my wife and I noticed it. She’s five. Dude this lady respectfully is part of the problem with kids today. DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS LADY 😂 There is a way to hold children accountable for actions and hold them responsible without getting upset or angry. Changing the label to “smart/intelligent” doesn’t fix anything 😂 if you’re getting emotionally charged over your child manipulating you or any action for that matter that’s a YOU problem. Not a problem with your child. “He who angers me controls me”. Never discipline in anger instead you need to discipline because boundaries and rules were broken that were clearly communicated and agreed to with the child. (Assuming you clearly communicated the boundaries and rules. If not, then that’s your own damn fault. Can’t hold someone accountable for something that was never clearly communicated with them) anyways, Changing the label is dumb as hell 😂 call it whatever you want the child is leveraging your emotions to gain an advantage over you. Admittedly that is smart or shows a high EQ but it’s still bad 😂 Manipulation is inappropriate at any age. And you need to nip that behavior when it starts and let them know that you know they are doing it. The second she said “I don’t like labels” I just laughed. Soft ass society. Call a spade a spade. Changing words to make people feel better about their poor choices (ie manipulating a parent) is going to decrease their ability to be accountable for their actions and be responsible. Which is going to hurt them later in life as an adult. I never comment on YT videos but figured I would just in case parents are actually watching this and following the advice.

[gb]

So, my response to my child's behavoir is more about my beliefs systems than it is about them?

[lizettemaldonado]

Not wondering I know my child is manipulating me lmaoo

[HarbingerBK]

Thanks for making such helpful content!

[elizabethgarcia]

I Completely agree with @Alexandra Smith! Needed to hear this today. Thank YOU Dr. Jazmine! :-)