How to Set Boundaries in a Long Distance Relationship #AskATherapist

How to Set Boundaries in a Long Distance Relationship #AskATherapist //

Have you wondered how to set boundaries in a long distance relationship or what does setting boundaries mean in a relationship? If you'd like to know how having boundaries in a relationship can help when you and your partner are away from each other, watch this video. Establishing boundaries in a relationship and keeping boundaries in relationships can make all the difference in the success of your relationship.

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[May-hcqw]

I’m in an 8 years long distance relationship. It works. It takes soooo much effort, understanding, willingness to grow emotionally and intellectually together. Learning how to convey things healthily is difficult but for the right person it’s worth it.

[ihlly]

I kinda disagree on the "don't text important sensitive things because tone doesn't come across in text". One advantage of text format is time. You have time to think about exactly what you're saying, about how this or that word might be interpretated - and sure that can lead to overthinking if you're not careful -, and more importantly if you get the urge to say something mean or hurtful generally by the time you type it out you realise that it's not actually something you want to say.

[Ari-Rina]

Currently in a long distance relationship from the very beginning and it's been going for 8 years, and sadly due to our universities and work not aligning at the moment, it's still continuing that way. In our case specifically, it actually *helps* to chat instead of to do calls during difficult situations because it gets emotional really easily. So just taking that moment to take a breather and to read again what you just wrote and to see "is that really what I want to say or am I lashing out because I'm hurt?" is actually very helpful. However, I really hope we will get the opportunity to start working and living in the same city soon, maybe for our 10 year anniversary. Fingers crossed!

[julieaubutgaudet]

Great guidelines! I was in a long distance relationship with my now husband for a year and a half and it was rough. We actually dated for 8 months beforehand, so the missing each other part started right off the bat. It was nice to have all those conversations though and it really did create this strong bond between us. I was 17 when we started dating. Funnily enough, after we were married and I was pregnant for my first kid, I got a job in another city one hour and a half away. So we were doing long distance during the week and since we only had one vehicle, he would drive every Friday to pick me up, we would spend the weekend together and he would drop me back off every Sunday. We were crazy!! I hope we never have to do long distance again but I know that we can handle it if we need to. Also, I agree that I found that Will and Elizabeth story super sad and was so happy for the fifth movie just for that resolution!

[mylittlecynic]

Long distance shattered my long term relationship. We were both at fault, we didn't set some of these boundaries you mentioned and in the end everything imploded. It took a solid year for me to recover. This is the stuff I wish someone could have helped us with.

[sarahlyon]

I'm polyamourous and one of my partners travels for work during the week and comes home for weekends. They're pursuing this job long-term and things aren't likely to change (except maybe which days they have off in a week), and we know that's how it will be and are okay with it. My other partner lives with me full time and we work hard to make the time together count on the weekends.

[jbeast__]

Hey Jon, I just want to say thank you for all the excellent information you put out for free on YouTube. Through both Mended Light and Cinema Therapy. About a month and a half ago I started dating a wonderful person that I had been friends with for 6 months prior. However, she’s a year ahead of me in college, and I’ll be staying one extra year for my masters. And I’m dreading those two years where I will have to be long distance. This video helped reassure me that we can have an amazing relationship while separated. Also, since it is my first relationship, I’ve used your other content to make sure I’m being the best partner I can, and hopefully avoid rushing like so many other people do in their first relationships. Thank you so much!

[jmaitland]

This really hit close to home not gonna lie. I was in a relationship for about a year and a half, with the half being long distance (we met when she came here for university then moved back to the US at the end of the semester), and despite that year together being absolutely amazing it all fell apart after we were apart again.

I always chalked it up to long distance relationships just not working out but watching this I'm seeing all the places I went wrong. Biggest one being that in my previous relationships they had ended up not working out because I came on too strong too soon, so I ended up being deathly afraid of moving too fast, which meant I was just too scared to have those sorts of serious conversations for fear of it being too soon, so in my mind things were going great because *eventually* things would get better, but I just never spoke about it.

[tylerb]

I'm long distance for 4 years, get on my level Bro

[freakychick]

My parents were each divorced when they met. Mom had a full-time job and Dad was in grad school in another state. They were long distance all but the last few months before saying "I do" and had made the effort for 4yrs to drive and meet in the middle of their separate locations to date every weekend unless one was sick and then one drove 8hrs to the other. My mom passed last March after 47yrs of marriage. Dad is ok but I can't imagine how much he was crushed. My parents weren't good parents and I still don't have the best relationship with my dad but I absolutely cannot imagine a couple that was more perfect for each other even if they should have thought the kid thing through a lot more. So. Much. More.

[myriamtrepanier]

I'm actually in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, because i'm studying at an university out of city. It's being like this since one and a half years and I have an other one and a half years to do before finaly being together. Because I have school, a job and a big distance between where I live and where he live, it's really difficult to see each other. It's really hard to live like that, but at the end, I keep hope that all of this will make us stronger in the future. We make this choice together, we knew in what we put ourselves on, but the therory is more simpler and easier than the practice.

[thevoiceovercloset]

My husband and I did long distance for 4 months while we were engaged, and now, after only 2 months of marriage, he's off to Korea for job training! It's gonna be hard again, but I'm grateful to have your advice!! Thanks Johnathan!

[aubreycarter]

When my husband and I were dating, we started out dating normally. Then right after we got engaged, we had to be long distance because he went to Florida for work over the summer, then he left for boot camp, and due to Covid, he had to go straight to his first duty station right after boot camp, and I didn't get to see him. And we couldn't be together because we're married yet and he couldn't get a house and couldn't live off base unless we were married. So, being 1, 000 miles away from each other, we ended up getting married over Zoom, then he got us a house, I moved in and did a 2 week quarantine, then he was able to move in. It was hard, and weird, for us to not be able to actually live together until we had been married for 2 months. Talk about missing the other person!
Deployment is gonna suck!

[mariaholson]

I currently (like literally this week) just got out of a 2 year LDR. It's really weird, I must say. Because we still love each other and hope to end with each other still (as there's been plans to settle in the same city) and be each other's end game. The long distance really messed with us though. I became way too anxious and controlling. He wasn't all that ready to focus on the relationship either as he needed to work on himself, perhaps as bad as it sounds. We both need to work on ourselves. We hurt each other a lot in our LDR. We aren't looking for anyone else, simply working on ourselves more and waiting for an opportunity to be physically closer, too, maybe. I know a lot of people say "right person, wrong timing" isn't a thing... but is it?? (I would love to see a video on this motto.) Is it crazy for both of us to have this genuine hope to reunite in the future?

[khavelisa]

Currently in a long distance relationship, 2 years. We dated a year before that. It was very hard at the beginning, but now i feel a lot more comfortable with myself. We started dating when i was relatively young - 19, and he was 26, so even though we imagined our lives together from the beginning - i felt being not yet ready to start a family. So, i think, everything happened the perfect way: i had time to spend with my friends, thinking about what kind of person i want to become, while he was focused on his career. And thanks to covid, my uni had a lot of online classes, so i was free to visit him every one or two months. In September we move in together again and now we are engaged)

[Rhakimdar]

Watching this and reading through comments has helped me. I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl I became good friends with on snapchat. We've been talking for about a year now and have done a few virtual movie dates online. I haven't been able to meet her yet but am actually close to making that a reality. Its hard for me because I genuinely really like her and I'm trying my best not to be too overbearing with more intimate/romantic texting. I have expressed myself with more emotes so she knows I'm romantically interested but She has been a little more reserved with sharing her feelings so I don't wanna pressure her into anything esp since we haven't met yet. I really like it tho and we get a long pretty great. We do lots of photo sharing of life and texting. It just sucks her work always has her so exhausted with long hours and physical exertion. she's always so drained that it makes it hard for her to have the energy for me. But from the sounds of things she does prioritize me in giving that extra energy when she can so that's really endearing. We were both without a vehicle and license for so long so heres hoping we can remedy this soon and start furthering the relationship! She's great.

[williamnissen]

3:36 Hey Jonathan

Just wanted to say THANK YOU for what you said about texting and stating boundaries via text. As someone who fell out with an online friend who meant the world to me last month because of not picking up on/overstepping boundaries and not picking up on tone because they weren’t explicitly pointed out until it was too late it is important to either a) text very clearly early on what you would like for a set period of time or just want limited communication for awhile and b) have a phone/video call pointing them out. I can confirm and speak with experience that shit can and will go sideways especially if one of the people involved has a habit of missing social ques ie me

[kimberlyrodriguez]

My ex and I were together since high school for two years. After those 2 we were long distance because of complicated circumstances. We were doing it for a little over 2 years. This July she decided to call it quits despite me telling her that I was finally going to be able to move in with her next year of April. That plus the fact that I think she started developing feelings for someone else. Now she’s in another long distance relationship meanwhile I’m still going to be moving back home, but sadly I won’t be with her 😔

[Hellion]

My disagreement about the rule against texting. Tone can override content and written text can be a way to get the full point across. Saying everything you want to say and reading everything they are telling you.

[noorfatimabukhari]

I wish i had someone to guide me about this previously, now i have a bad taste about my relationship that seems to be getting worse every day.