Understanding Shame to Heal Your Trauma

Kristin M, Snowden, MA, LMFT, CDWF is a seasoned therapist who specializes in betrayal trauma, addiction recovery, and helping individuals/couples navigate relationship crises. She was trained in Dr. Brené Brown’s shame resiliency model and helps viewers better understand how shame plays a role in shaping our lives and relationships. Kristin explains how our neurobiology has several different “feedback loop” systems such as the survival/limbic brain system, the “trauma brain” (how the brain shapes itself around traumatic experiences), and our “shame brain” (how our Brain wires around a fear of not being enough, worthy enough, or valuable within a social construct). Shame is the deeply uncomfortable feeling of being disconnected from others. It’s shaped by our neurobiological drive to connect with others and our trauma from experiencing pain, disappointment, rejection and vulnerability during the messiness of engaging with others (friends, family, acquaintances, our environment). Kristin provides a free worksheet and exercise for exploring your personal shame stories (see link below) and provides you with Dr. Brené Brown’s shame resiliency model to help you move through shame and onto healing your trauma wounds. You cannot heal your trauma without acknowledging and healing your shame stories.
This video is helpful for betrayed partners, traumatized individuals or those who love and want to help traumatized individuals, addicts working toward recovery, and clinicians looking to learn more about trauma, the neurological impacts, and current treatment options for those seeking relief from trauma symptoms.
(This is a recorded live webinar through Sex and Relationship Healing, co-hosted by Tami VerHelst)

(This is educational, NOT THERAPY)
IG @kristinmsnowden

@SexandRelationshipHealing #betrayaltraumarecovery #couplesincrisis #couplestherapy #addictionrecovery #Infidelity #crisismanagement #healthyrelationships #forgiveness #griefjourney #passiveaggressive #shameresilience #divorce #couplescounseling #maritalissues #attachmenttrauma #anger

[yveqeshy]

when we get to the shame i feel like this is when we really get to the good stuff, we are now rethinking the narratives we have about ourselves, this is when sustainable change can begin. As Tim Fletcher puts it, you're now looking at yourself from an accurate mirror and not that warped mirror you grew up looking at yourself from. I laughed when you mentioned "are we going to go on our phones for 6 hours to avoid engaging with it", dissociating is a huge problem but we're working on it😅😅😅. I've just realized as you were speaking at around 24:40, just as I spent this past decade reworking my perception of self from the patriarchal conditioning of my upbringing, working through shame takes on a similar experience. There's a lot of questioning where you learnt to believe that about yourself with the intention of correcting that. This makes healing from shame take on a new meaning for me

[jamieknight]

Thank-you, validation that I am not crazy is proving very helpful in my own recovery. Although, I am not very good at separating myself from what seems so deeply personal. I am trying, everyday to rewrite my personal story, as well as my marriage. I wish I didn't feel so stupid for not knowing of the PA Or the AA for many years. I feel so much shame for not knowing he was struggling, for having my 17 years come crashing down around me. The beauty in it is my husband and I are now communicating and connecting on a deeper level. I just want to drop my shame. I feel stuck in that, unworthy of love and monogamy I know better, but that shame is strong.

[sarahalderman]

42mins is exactly where I am at. After 22 years I have only now realized that my instincts were correct. I am not enough. My husband does not value me. If he did he would not have married me and wasted my life.

[TranscendingTrauma]

Your channel is such a blessing! You give concrete tools and such direct understandable wisdom. Thank you truly appreciate it!

[donschlegel]

It’s just so much information it’s way overwhelming. I don’t know who you’re trying to tell this to me and I understand because I’ve lived its way but but with the simple clear-cut directions to the solution or it’s just this self gratifying for you to have all this information and transmit it. That’s been around for so long, I’ve been in this 40 years I learn to live with it and slowly become my own best friend and be aware of a lot of these behaviours and the things I’m telling myself it’s just way too confusing

[hmmcinerney]

About trauma being personalised. . Many years ago I worked in an airport, there had been a horrific child abduction and murder in England by two boys who were almost teens. The little boys name - was Jaime Bulger. One day soon afterwards a wild eyed woman came running towards me looking for her child, I told her that the airport is a highly monitored area, the concourse the car parks etc, and the place is flooded with law enforcement and people in uniform generally paying close attention to everyone. She fled again only to see an airport official walking towards us with the child. She didn’t calm down, her terror continued and I often wondered what imprint it left on her and the child.

[KrystalTop]

I really like the way you explained this.

[WarriorBrideBattleCry]

I would choose the broken arm every time . The upside to broken heart is its painful as hell, but there's such opportunity for growth in it

[donschlegel]

Yes, I got both of those brains problem does centre in the mind but it affects me physically mentally spiritually emotionally. I’ve lived with it all my life and I’m 62 now and I’m still working at it. Have you ever experienced some of this?

[justcode......]

I took therapy and wasted all my therapies and getting nothing from their as they don't know what the problem i suffered they just try to treat symptoms like comparision, underconfidece, as i know Indian psycholgists are not well trained and experienced .I learned myself that i am suffering from shame and that drives from my childhood abuse and bad childhood circumstances that puts me in prison of shame from last 10-12 years where my whole teen years got ruined and i still struggling with toxic shame.Try to get help from so many self help books, youtube videos and still got nothing .Now my biggest problem is unable to afford therapies which i think the most required thing i need right now and now feels like god created this circumstances to me so that not i can't able to get over my problems.Please help !! What could i do i want to live freely and secure in myself

[friarpesel]

I’m currently unpacking anger, and it seems to be elusive like shame (for me anyway - my dad is a lifelong rager, and I never wanted to be like him, so…)

[davidfrey]

Your presentation had a lot of information but it was hard to take away any one thing thing because it seemed unstructured…as if you were just rambling (which I know you weren’t.)

I think it might be helpful to crate some frameworks to structure you lectures so the audience can absorb it better. Just a thought.

Thank you for all your hard work and efforts to present this to us.

[jajeanjeanne]

Shame comes from the Devil!
Deliverence comes from Jesus!!
I only say that from experience 🙂

[tmking]

My heart was broken the day I was born_ born with a brokwn heart _ mommy rejected me _ and the community waited for her to murder me _ but the neighbours abused her so much she forgot to put the lid on the garbage can _ and my dog saved me.

[tmking]

I never think about what I look like? Whats that's mean? Oh yea_ Im not Lady GaGa - LOL

[damienpace]

All these women complaining about the sex lives of their husbands...