The Science Of How To Deal With Breakups - Andrew Huberman

Dr Andrew Huberman reacts to a study saying that women suffer more hurt during relationships than men. How does Andrew Huberman think people should get over a breakup? Why do men never fully recover from breakups? What is Huberman Lab’s opinion on the neuroscience of dating and breakups?

#andrewhuberman #dating #breakup

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[AmB]

My breakup of a 13 year relationship nearly destroyed me. It literally took 6-7 years to mostly get over it. I still have dreams and moments where is messes with me.

[jamesjacob]

The flaw here is that is the study is based on self-reported reactions to a break up. Women will amplify their negative experiences to gain support, and men will downplay it. Men get alot less support after a breakup as a general rule. Go post on a forum asking for support and see the difference between if you're listed as male or female.

[donna-marie]

I used to work in Crisis mental health and we had numerous men come into our Day hospital having attempted suicide or having suicidal ideation after a break up. Obviously not all men end up like this after breaking up. I noticed how we never had women in dealing with suicidal ideation after a break up. I think women may initially report very negative feelings but we move on much more quickly and I think our social connections with friends and family really helps. My experience in helping these men in our Day Hospital was that too many of them didn't have someone close to support them through the experience.

[chriskiesling]

I'm surprised attachment styles and childhood trauma didn't come into this conversation at all. I think they definitely play a role in how we get over breakups.

[c.chinaski]

As a man who has gone through countless breakups, I can say they absolutely do not. Based on others experience & my own, women tend to deal with the break up a lot worse initially, but can move on a lot easier. A man may be able to not care as much, or hide that they care as much initially, but if they genuinely cared about the relationship, it hurts much deeper & for a lot longer.

Edit: For everyone saying "it says this in the video" or something along those lines, well done, I'm aware. I commented this based on my own opinion, before I watched the video, addressing the title.

I didn't think so many people would care so much that I stated something that the contents of the video they just watched agrees with.

Well done on your observations boys 👏🏻

[MuhammadAliGOAT]

They only hurt women more if the woman has not emotionally checked out yet, if she already got emotional attraction for somebody else.. she will be relieved that the break-up happened because she was already emotionally invested in somebody else.

[Little.R]

Learning to lean into my emotions to experience them more fully instead of shying away from them has helped me deal with past trauma and breakups.

[bzzler]

My first breakup fucked me up for a good 10 years. It wasn't about the girl, really, as much as it was about who she left me for and why. I just felt inadequate as a person. Defective.

[brad]

I just had to put my dog of 13 years down this morning. He was my best friend. I don’t think it is a coincidence this clip was the first thing that popped up when I turned on YouTube. Thank you both this has really helped.

[memastarful]

Forgiveness is a key to setting yourself free from inner bitterness, anger, turmoil ect....

[MrTreraygibson]

This was great to listen to. I have recently decided to see a therapist because what I was doing wasn't really working. He is right I started working crazy amounts of hours, working out twice to 3 times a day, enrolled into college full time and joined the national guard on top of that. Eventually as well as I thought I was moving on it all came crashing down because I was so dam tired. I avoided trying to feel the pain, I never cried. Maybe I should.

[DivineLogos]

Confronting reality and fully accepting your feelings is exactly what meditation is.

[cdog]

To all the men on here thinking the same as me, big love to you my brother! I am going though a hard time of understanding right now

[whenpigsfly]

Uh, I was under the impression that women typically initiated relationship breakups (because they have more relationship options and demand male performance to a high standard). If you're initiating them, you're already mentally prepared for them.

[NikkiSchumacherOfficial]

my dad was wrecked by his divorce to my mom. He went through such sadness and depression. I do believe he got over her but it took like a decade.

[timosnieder]

My gf left me 2 years ago. She was the love of my life. I'm functional and productive but I harbour a deep sadness in my soul. I cant see myself ever not loving her, we had a deep bond. Like another commenter said, it's like dragging an anchor behind you, you just get used to it. The only silver lining I can think of is that i got jacked in the gym and ran a marathon since then.

[YourWingmam]

Also, the person who intends to break up has often had a long contemplation period leading up to the break up so they’ve had time to try to fix the relationship, give up, justify leaving, and emotionally prepare for the breakup etc before it happens. Given over 85% of break ups, at least for marriages, are initiated by women, it makes sense men who’ve been left think women are unaffected.
If she cared, it wasn’t an easy choice. If she didn’t, you’re lucky to lose her.
(P.S. Explaining isn’t condoning. 😬)

[adamsneidelmann]

Oh I don’t know. I think we just hear about it a lot more from women. Men really aren’t allowed this emotion.

[MNkno]

One comment on using anger for energy - my mother did that, and it was like living next to a nuclear reactor: not where you wanted to be, and not exactly the healthiest.

[Gigado]

I’d like to know more about the study before accepting its conclusions. Simply asking people “How painful are your breakups” isn’t a good method IMO. One could argue that women are more likely to accurately state their emotional levels or over-state them, and that is why men seem to express less pain. As men are generally conditioned to not bother others with their emotions and look at their ability to tolerate pain as a virtue. I am not saying it’s a bad thing, but the crux of this whole thing is that people are stating their perception of their emotions instead of using a more impartial metric. Maybe one doesn’t exist, but I think it should still be brought up as people these days love studies. Especially because people can always find some study that validates their world view