5 Things You Should NEVER Say to Someone Who's Lost a Child (or ANYONE grieving)!

Let’s face it – it’s awkward figuring out something to say to a parent whose child has died. In my opinion and experience as a grieving mama, there are certain things that you should definitely NOT say to a parent who is grieving. Here are five of them!

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[willywonka]

thank you. my friend just lost her son who turned 16 a few days ago, to a tragic accident. I am here watching your videos to help me help the grieving parents.

[mikecandice]

Someone told us the day of our daughter's funeral, "I know how you feel. My dog just died"
It has been 8 years since my daughter passed and I feel like people expect me to be through all the grieving and be ok...back to normal. Now I get to watch everyone else raise their kids. Jealousy sucks. Child loss sucks. Grief sucks. Memory loss sucks. There are so many things that will never be the same.

Thank you for posting videos so soon after your loss.

[patriciascout]

My son passed 3yrs on July 26 th, he was very ill from ALS which is extremely painful. He sighed up for hospice care. Toward the end he bed bound on a feeding tube could no longer use his arms or hands, he was on oxygen 24/7. His condition was ravaging his body quickly. The last straw for him was when he lost the ability to swallow fluids. He was 53 yrs old and I thought I had prepared myself for his eventual death, I was not. I felt myself implode like all the air and life left my body my only son and first born child was simply gone. The physical pain I was feeling inside was unbearable. My daughter was such a blessing for me. She helped me enormously on the days I was concentrating to breathe in and out for at least a hour at a time. Sometimes it was seconds at a time. I only remember bits and pieces of his funeral I did not look at him in the casket or did I watch him being lowered into the ground. After the funeral I just went home and cried my eyes out and finally went to sleep. Now all I do is sleep and dream of my son. I've got a shrink who deals in grieving therapy which helped a little. I asked him what wonderful words he had to help me. His answer was there were no magic words for me other than the physical pain would start to diminish in time but my heart would probably never heal. And the only job I had to do was to find something to live for. I kept telling myself that over and over. Then covid hit and I was isolated and was glad not having to deal with people. I finally just shut down.

[deborahgleason]

Hi Brooke: Thank you so much for this video. I lost my 32 year old daughter to brain cancer a month ago and I am reeling. I have heard all five of these things in the last month and you are so right, some rub the wrong way. I plan to join your group. Thanks again and I’m sorry for your loss. It is life changing as you mentioned. I will never be the same.

[kitkat]

I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my daughter after a long illness, she was 42 and it was not even a year after my husband, her Daddy, passed away. It is the hardest thing I have ever done.

[samwilson]

Brooke, thank you for sharing your experience to make others feel seen and cared for. I am many years out from my biggest loss, so many of these “comforting sayings” made me roll my eyes into another dimension. People need to know the true impact of their words and need to think if they are saying something to make themselves feel better or to authentically be present with the grieving person.

[lindabarry]

We lost. Our daughter 4 years ago. She was our only child. Even though she was 43 and did not live with us it has been soul crushing for us. I have heard all 5 of these comments. Like you said we have no choice in what life has dealt us. We will always be the parents of a child who is no longer with us. Rachael Leigh Barry will always be forever 43.

[a_wintima]

Thank you always, Brooke .😢my daughter, Saffron, passed away two days after she turned 9 (10 april 2024)😢. I'm told, "Just like job, God will restore you, "you are still young, you can have another child" I'm Ghanaian and I'm told sometimes that my culture does not allow me to cry because she was my first and only child😢(i still cry). I feel subdued 😢😢😢

[maddeusdoggeus]

Sending a Big Hug and some ice cream your way. Thank you for sharing.

[julianamakahamadze]

Thank you for the information and sharing

[serenarobak]

I lived my whole life in the shadow of my dead brother and my grieving mother who lost her first child when she was pregnant with me. I parented my children with that fear. We all know there is nothing worse than losing a child. It's a terrible part of our existence. Is there really anything that can be said

[melanieduke]

Lost my daughter unexpectedly in April of this year from a medical error and I’m a nurse. I have been told at least she isn't suffering anymore. She was not suffering. They don’t know the truth

[aprilvafeas]

Yes to all of this!!! My son was killed in June (car accident) and his precious girlfriend died 4 days later from her injuries. I don’t know what he experienced…just that he was dead when the first person arrived. I’d also like to add, the worst thing people have said to me is “at least you have other children.”

[chaserkeegan]

I just came across your channel. I lost my barely 18 yr old in a car accident/ his friend was driving recklessly...on march 30th of this year. I still feel like it just happened at times, my shock is wearing off at other times..mostly it feels like forever since I've seen him. Thank you for your perspective. Yes and yes to all of these. Especially for me .".I don't know how you do it, you are so strong." Or I couldn't get out if bed. To that I say..well laying in bed makes me feel like I will have a panic attack so I HAVE to get out of bed. Your thoughts and responses to these careless things people say are very similar to mine.

[jilllysford]

Four or five months after we lost our daughter my boss asked me when I was going to get back to normal.
I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this but many times when people find out that we lost our child they feel so bad that I feel like I have to comfort THEM. 😳

[yesminors]

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful gorgeous Son to a car accident this year 6/1/23 he was 20 years old my only child. I am shattered/It is un-bearable pain/ heart broken for ever. I do Not want to be here without him-I will be with my boy.

[mtango]

Thank you. You put words to my feelings.

[armidaAB]

My daughter who was 10 years old Malaya just pass, it’s been 6 month. She was such a healthy child she got sick with a pneumonia and flu that was her first time ever going to the hospital and I came home with out her 😭. It broke my heart and ask God what just happen I don’t understand this. Why did she not come home with me why?! It hurts so bad. I don’t understand this kind of grief it not fair 😭 that our sweet girl was taken from us just like that with out saying bye. 💔💔💔

[IntelligenceONE]

My mother in law lost her daughter. I’m trying my best to support her. Thanks for the advice.

[Gina]

I was told "He was never meant for this world" urgggg he did so much good for our world. That comment negated it.