She Was Asked to Write About Being an Adoptee, and Found Out She Wasn't Alone

An adoptee from India tells how deciding to speak up about the mixed feelings she has on being adopted led to a connection with others in her shoes.

Testimony is storytelling at its most raw and personal — everyday people telling stories of events, people, or moments in time that profoundly changed their perspective on the world, altered their trajectory in life, or brought them unexpectedly closer to their communities.

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[yrpalduane]

As an adoptee myself, all I can say is thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[GabrielGoopar]

You are one of the bravest persons, you are tackling on a subject for which most people lack any empathy, you are trying to patiently explain it, even though you know what will come to you, you are jumping into a tank filled with sharks, but you dont stop, because you know people who have gone through the same need to hear this, need to know there is nothing wrong with how they feel, that they are not ungrateful for feeling this way, this is an issue that lacks any awareness, I am not an adoptee, but I try to understand, and I agree wholeheartedly with what you are doing by raising your voice and think you are super brave.

[AngharadMac]

Every one who says "Oh my family accepts the adoptees as if they are blood, why are you whining"? 1) That is not that common. 2) We know biologically we don't "belong" there, even before we are informed of the adoption. My experience was that my Dad's family stayed pissed at him and his brother who adopted kids because they couldn't have "real kids", and treated us like crap. We weren't blood, therefore weren't "family". Even my Mom's side treated me different than the other grandkids. Not knowing where you came from and having been raised by people who resent you not being like them or like they expected you to be is a hard thing to grow up with. I also am vehemently against foreign adoptions because those kids need to be able to have continued exposure to their birth culture/language AFTER adoption. But since "assimilation" is the driving force in these situations it is forbidden to "confuse" the children this way. I call bullshit. It messes up your self-identity/worth to be put up for adoption in the first place, birth family didn't want you and the people who took you in want you to be something you aren't, i.e. be like them. To not know and not have the experiences of your birth family/culture, especially if you were not adopted as a newborn, but an older child who can remember their original family/culture/name, causes multiple psychological issues, including abandonment and anxiety. I believe that a child's original name, except for surname, should *never* be changed. It's as if we are a damned pet and not a person who will know we have been forced into a new "identity". Adoptees do love their adoptive parents, but even in the best possible situation, we know their family history isn't our own. We do bond with them, but we have no roots that truly belong to US. And everyone saying "be grateful": why aren't you grateful, just to be acknowledged in the conversation, every time a boss or client gets your name wrong and expects you to be that other person whose name they are perpetually calling you by???

[roofchild]

Thank you, I had no Idea what it was like to be adopted and that they had to go through anything at all. You have opened my eyes to a fraction of what adopted people have to go through.

[LexiUnicorn]

someone finally said it, thank you- from a fellow adoptee x

[Andie]

From one adoptee to another, my heart smiled when I listened to your words. You have the Universe in your eyes. Namaste xx

[FQ]

be grateful, its not easy, but atleast there are people who care enough to adopt you

[WPG_Arts]

I am grateful for your words. What can or should be done to make your experience better?

[JungWoonSeok]

SHAAREN PINE

Is brave. For those who have been writing such unpleasant comments, Shaaren Pine hits a nail in monopolized wall of the adoption narratives. Working and meeting so many adoptees from over the world during my life, I can only say, instead of hateful responses and fearful rejection, she is not only right, she should be supported for her courageousness and power that she shared a story which reflect millions of adoptee voices worldwide.

Hilbrand Westra

[thehikertherapist]

Thank you for speaking your truth. And thank you for speaking what my truth is too <3

[mamp]

Thank you for sharing your story and broadening the conversation. It's true we only get the adoptive parents and adoption agency perspective. Peoples anger is strange to me. We know children are effected by abandonment and separation in many forms (divorce, death, neglect to name some) This is a separation no matter how early. It's not a secret separation, specially if you don't look like your parents. Even if you understand and know that you are loved, the different emotions and search for identity is something you probably have to deal with. I am thinking there might also be a longing for the person that gave birth to you, maybe sympathizing with them, worrying for them and wondering how life would have been. I embrace and thank you for speaking up!

[donorkinderenbelgie]

The hateful messages come from ignorant people. Try not let them harm you.

Thank you for sharing this. It is a message worth hearing. Your message can mean the difference for another human being. <3 I hope you will (be able) to find what you are looking for.

[ladylacyjg]

Thanks for sharing. I'm an adoptee and all the things I could never deal with and the questions I could never ask affects me now as an adult everyday! I'm pissed I couldn't ask these questions about my birth parents while growing up & deal with these issues, now I'm an adult dealing with all kinds of adoption issues! To the people who post about being ungrateful, you must not had the experience that some Adoptees have! Wanting to know where you came from is natural part of life! It doesn't make someone ungrateful to their adoptive family members!

[gamersfreakssnation]

She is not being ungrateful for feeling this way, you people act like she should be ever so indebted to the people who adopted her as if they are the lord and savior themselves dont get me wrong its a great thing they did for her by adopting her but thats not all it takes lots of compassion and understanding is also required. you don't know what and how she was treated by her adoptive parents. You don't know the trauma that comes with being an adoptee. There is a huge cultural shock especially since a lot of adoptee's are from another country. It's a whole different world that you have never seen before and being a little kid you can't put it all into perspective as our brains were still developing and we were trying to get the sense of the world we were familiar to let alone a new one. That being said I am adopted myself so I understand where she is coming from. Every adoptee's journey is different so how dare you judge her and jump to conclusions for the way she is feeling about hers. To me she is speaking up for the adoptee's who do feel the same way as her so I applaud you and keep speaking up!

[lisawhiting]

Very interested in reading the article mentioned in this video and would love to get in touch with the author. Does anyone have any further information?

[solitarychap]

Reading these comments is very interesting...so many people have commented hateful ignorant reactions, others have posted civil, respectful oppositions to what this lady is saying, and a very small percentage have agreed with and even thanked her for speaking out.
I'd like to think that what she means is that she IS thankful for the life she's had, however she's also struggled (especially mentally) in ways that are never expressed often enough in media, and that she just wants more people to understand the downside to being an adoptee as well as the benefits. Obviously not all adoptees feel this way, everyone's different, but I don't think she was just complaining for attention. At least that's what I want to believe 😂

[mayamagination]

This is seriously enlightening. Have you ever thought of doing a reddit AMA or something?

[daly]

it doesn't matter if your adopted parents are the best ones in the world, we all want to know where we are from don't we?

[moonisingh]

Doesn't matter whether you're an adoptee or not, live your life the way you want.

[katygo]

Where can I find the original article?