The Karpman Drama Triangle Destroys Relationships (Transactional Analysis)

In this video I explain how the Karpman Drama Triangle destroys relationships and how to escape it. I also explain how to escape the drama triangle and how to use Acery Choy’s Winner’s Triangle. The Drama Triangle is used for analysing games within the psychological approach known as Transactional analysis or TA. Karpman suggests that whenever people play a psychological game, they’re stepping into one of three roles: persecutor, rescuer or victim.

🔵 CHAPTERS

0:00 The Karpman Drama Triangle
0:38 The Persecutor
1:16 The Rescuer
1:39 The Victim
2:16 Discounting
2:34 The Drama Triangle Destroys Relationships
3:53 The Game Formula
5:45 How Do You Escape The Drama Triangle?
6:44 Acery Choy's Winner's Triangle
7:04 The Vulnerable Position
7:28 The Caring position
7:53 The Assertive Position

🔵 TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS

I personally recommend the following Transactional Analysis books:

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🔵 PERSECUTOR, RESCUER AND VICTIM

A Persecutor is someone who puts other people down and belittles them. The stance of the persecutor is “It’s all your fault!” They criticise, blame, set strict limits, can be controlling, arrogant, angry and and generally unpleasant.

The Rescuer also offers help from a one up position. The rescuer believes “I have to help all these people because they’re not capable of helping themselves”. Rescuers work hard to help other people and often neglect their own needs. They can use guilt to keep their victims dependent and feel guilty themselves if they are not rescuing somebody.

The stance of the Victim is “poor me!” They behave from a one-down and not-ok position. Victims see themselves as victimised, oppressed, powerless, helpless and hopeless. They are passive and can deny any responsibility for their negative circumstances and deny having the ability to change their circumstances.

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🔵 ABOUT TERESA LEWIS

Teresa Lewis is the founder and Director of Lewis Psychology and a Senior Accredited psychotherapist with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (MBACP Snr. Accred). Qualified in 1995, Teresa has been providing counselling and psychotherapy treatment for nearly 30 years. Teresa holds a masters degree in counselling and psychotherapy and is a qualified EMDR Practitioner having completed training accredited with EMDR Europe. Teresa is also a qualified adult educator and an accredited Mindfulness teacher As a recognised expert in her field Teresa is frequently asked to conduct editorial reviews and endorse counselling and psychotherapy books for international publishing houses.

🔵 GRAPHICS AND THUMBNAIL

#LewisPsychology

[rossirossi-iuwx]

This is fantastic. I always knew my childhood and family life revolved around my mother and her moods, and now I can see how she tries to pull me into this sick game of meeting her needs while ignoring mine, by either playing the victim or persecutor. Thank you for this resource.

[PaginasLetea]

This is pure gold! I've been a rescuer for more than a year now, but I'm out for good

[Mybestfriendlivesinboston]

Learning about this ended my self harm . I was finally able to understand why it felt like a cycle I was stuck on . Truly life changing ❤

[lindajohnson]

There is one triangle that people need to extricate themselves from, and that is the only remedy. That is when this kind of “game” is the result of narcissistic triangulation. There is no way you can ever win that game. Best to cut your losses and run fast and run far 🙏🏼

[legacytrainer]

Excellent videos. As a therapist, I'm convinced, these short clips and needed for therapist and client education.

[ShredderTainment]

This is a really rough cycle to be in. I am certain I was mistreated, but the other person is not having it, nor will take any responsibility, show care, or show any initiation…
I am making distance now since I gave the other person three chances to behave differently.
It’s crazy making for sure.

[dawnc]

Learning and applying this along with some other therapy can be life changing for the better
I come from a very dysfunctional childhood and often people have tried being my rescuer
It hasn't ended well
These days when ever a potential rescuer comes along I run like hell
I'm so much happier now and I've kept a handful of real friends who have supported me but shown me dignity to make my own decisions and vise versa

[YangYang-ilur]

Thanks for the detailed video! I get to completely understand the EXACT steps of the actions of the psychopath I encountered.

[Alisdair_UK]

You've done a great job on these.
I'm now bingeing on them.
Concise, well articulated and illustrated.

[annaktrman]

Your video explained it perfectly! Thank you

[thevikingbeard]

I've always had a rescuer dynamic and can see how I can be perceived as a victim at times when I actually stood up for my needs. I don't intentionally turn to be a victim but understand the game. What sucks is trying to have harmony once you're in a game and you're the only one recognizing the game. Because then the other party will continue it unintentionally.

[pistache]

These dynamics appear to be so 'operational' on a daily basis, that it sometimes seems very difficult to me to imagine relationships are even possible without them. (sadly) But it feels so exciting to give it to me (and to others, when we fully give it to ourself!) as a horizon. Thank you!

[sdaiwepm]

Thanks for this. FYI, the Winner's Triangle was developed by "Acey Choy."

[Sovereignlupi]

Concepts I'm already aware of, visual, auditory reinforcing 👍

[julieholt]

This is profoundly helpful information. I am such a rescuer and my husband is a victim. He switches to persecuter and I switch to victim. I keep taking the bait because I keep thinking that he just needs to understand how he is hurting me.

I have been able to share a few helpful concepts with him like: social-emotional learning, the window of tolerance and the concept of dysregulation / self-regulation, Non-violent communication, John Gottman’s Four Horses, etc.

Frankly, I’m not sure if I want to share this with him because I feel that he will just distort it and turn it around on me. For a long time he believed that his defensiveness was my fault because I wasn’t being gentle enough— distorting Gottman’s words.

For now I’m just going to focus on identifying the bait!

[empowerment.artist]

Very good video, however I do disagree as to what the solution is. I have known about the triangle for about a decade, ans yes, I have managed to change a few relationships, and my automatic reactions to give unsolicited advice and to pity people, as a life long Rescuer. However, my experience is that this dynamic, in either role, is deep seated traumatisation, and I have worked a long time to heal it in the core. Now I think I finally did.

I have also recognised the Rescuer as being a narcissist role, as another name for an enabler. Yes, the victims are looking to give their power away, but the rescuer does make people more helpless. I have experenced both sides of it and it is very real.
That makes it almost unbearable to people to injest the information or recognise themselves as a rescuer who is a covert narcissist. The victim is essentially a manipulative narcissist as well.
So much self forgiveness is needed to break the spell.

The rescuer is self sacrifising, which is actually vicimising them. It is a form of self abandonement, to help everyone but yourself. Yet we idolise it, and when they die of cancer we say « oooh they never did anything for themselves, such a GOOD person, sacrifising themselves.»

We all want to be «good».
Its much better to become authentic and real.

[ЗемляВлюменаторе]

I appreciate the great work you've done for making this video! Thank you! ❤

[nicoleoconnor]

I’m an adult that came from a home with high conflict and my parents are still married. I married early and was determined to never fight with my spouse and never divorce no matter what. Seventeen years and three kids later I’m now very happily divorced. I think my lack of modeling of a good relationship was really the issue. I don’t blame marriage and I’m doing a lot of work healing around my history. Working to pass my new skills onto my kids, who will probably need therapy anyway 😁

[drsandhyathumsikumar]

Great video, very clearly explained. Thanks a lot !

[HeenaAgarwal-lg]

Thank you so much for such a clear and concise explanation of the Drama Triangle. Would it be possible to make a video on the various games? Thank you!