I've Got a Little List (1886)

[Warning: contains the N-word. Presented in original form as part of music history.]

From The Mikado.

Lyrics:

1. As some day it may happen that a victim must be found
I've got a little list - I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground
And who never would be missed - who never would be missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that
And all third persons who on spoiling tête-à-têtes insist
They'd none of 'em be missed - they'd none of 'em be missed!

Chorus:
He's got 'em on the list - he's got 'em on the list
And they'll none of 'em be missed - they'll none of 'em be missed

2. There's the nigger serenader, and the others of his race
And the piano-organist - I've got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face
They never would be missed - they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone
All centuries but this, and every country but his own
And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy
And who "doesn't think she dances, but would rather like to try"
And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist
I don't think she'd be missed - I'm sure she'd not he missed!

Chorus:
He's got her on the list - he's got her on the list
And I don't think she'll be missed - I'm sure she'll not be missed!

3. And that Nisi Prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife
The Judicial humorist - I've got him on the list!
All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life
They'd none of 'em be missed - they'd none of 'em be missed
And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind
Such as - What d'ye call him - Thing'em-bob, and likewise - Never-mind
And 'St- 'st- 'st- and What's-his-name, and also You-know-who
The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list
For they'd none of 'em be missed - they'd none of 'em be missed!

Chorus:
You may put 'em on the list - you may put 'em on the list
And they'll none of 'em be missed - they'll none of 'em be missed!

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words by W. S. Gilbert
music by Sir Arthur Sullivan
published by Richard A. Saalfield, New York

song discovered through a request
sheet music found at Duke University online
midi notes sequenced by Fred Feild
piano according to the sheet music
sung by sheet music singer, Fred Feild

The "nigger serenader" at the beginning of verse 2 refers to the minstrel show. Opera people might look down their noses at the banjo and bones.

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Get the sheet music and MIDI at:

[Azdaja]

"Then the idiot who praises with enthusiastic tone all centuries but this and every country but his own." - Well that line certainly is still as relevant as ever.

[Arachnes_Corner]

Oooooh that's why modern productions change all the verses

[strategicgamingwithaacorns]

Ironically, the use of the N-word was to denounce blackface minstrel shows, which Gilbert and Sullivan _hated_ (not only for being racially insensitive but also for being unprofessional by G&S's standards).

[zamsasu]

This is the best version I heard so far of the original

[brady]

Fun fact: His voice only comes in on the left side

[lyricrogersofficial]

If not for Family Guy, I would have never heard of this song. I used to think it was an original Family Guy song.

[TheKing-qzwd]

Got my own list.
They will be missed.
They also are amiss, awry and on a hair trigger.

Because we don't take kindly to trespassers and previous offenders in my little property.

[NoahSpurrier]

I get why they change the N-word for modern audiences; although, the modern interpretation wasn’t the intention at that time. But what’s so great about this song is that it can and should be updated. It should represent the time it is performed. Even the Simpsons and Family Guy did versions of this. Most of the old jokes wouldn’t make sense to people today. It’s an epic song.

[ThinkingSkptically]

Ah, one of the perhaps good things that this song has had its lyric changed so much throughout the years is that, sometimes, the lyric actually IMPROVED. For example, in a modern version there's verse (I'm paraphrasing): 'For the purists who think piano music stopped at Brahms, I shall put 'em on the list and make 'em sit through Liszt!' :D

(Brahms is actually younger than Liszt but whatever...)

[booklver]

No wonder modern performances change the lyrics. They're very much a product of the times. But a lovely song despite that.

[flyingbicycles]

I can certainly see why modern actors change the words around. Thankfully, the last part of the song gives them permission to do that 😁

[nationalprussialism]

I wish I was born around 150 years earlier I hate this timeline

[ThinkingSkptically]

P.S.: I actually could track this song sung in its original form on YouTube! Here's a 1926 version of it:

[joyhancock]

I just love the original words, as for the N word, the Black and White Minstrel Show was very popular in its time. I do so love the idiot who praises....bit and I was sure that the original words I had seen were not quite right the lady from the provinces who dresses like a guy and who doesn't think she WALTZES but would rather like to try. I had seen dances and knew it was wrong. Enjoyed this song so much when I was younger. If I could give more than I like, I would do so.

[suttlecomedysuttledramas]

As a Brit, it hurts to hear this sung in an American accent - and that's before we get to the racist language.