I Thought I Was Dead || Cotard’s Delusion

Cotard’s Delusion is a rare type of psychotic delusion that is terrifying to experience. It involves the belief that one is dead, dying, nonexistent, decaying, etc. If any of that is triggering to you then this is not the video for you!

[yoshi]

Hey Carolynn. Unfortunately I can completely relate to your experience with Cotard's. Like yourself I had the full spectrum of experiences. Started out with missing organs. First my stomach, then my heart. After I felt my heart was gone I felt my body slowly decomposing. My muscles felt increasingly weak, my bones were noticeably dissolving and at some point I collapsed completely because I experienced my spine dissolved. The fact that a little later I just woke up from that I could not rhyme with being alive. So then and there my psychotic brain concluded I was in purgatory of sorts or a pre-death stage. I even told the pyschiatrist who saw me when I was admitted into a clinic that I just wanted to be left alone and undergo the final stages of dying while lying still on the clinic floor. Thankfully I responded well to medication and after two weeks I was stable and free from the hallucinations & delusions. I agree with you that Cotard's is so incredibly scary.

[patrickphilip]

I am so glad to not be alone. Since Cotard's syndrome is so rare, I thought I would never see anybody else who understands.

[nicolem]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. You really explained it well. You are so lovely and so pretty and I am so sorry that you experienced something so horrorfying. I think you are so brave for sharing this with us. It must have been very difficult for you to open up like you did. You were wonderful. I am so glad you opened up and I know that many many people will be helped because of your bravery. I am happy that you are okay now. Take care. Jill❤

[jamesmckenzie]

Thanks for relating your experience so well. While information on various disorders is quite available, understanding what it's like for the person involved is not as easy. It certainly is an interesting, but I'm sure difficult problem to encounter.

[WWS]

I had the delusion I had died but had a different definition of death. it's hard to explain, I lack a sense of self.

[Kaineus]

I got to know about this syndrome thanks to a song I like. I thought it was about depression because when you are depressed you feel like you're dead inside etc.
But then one comment under the song pointed out that one line of the lyrics said "me and cotard alone" so I decided to search it out.
I found a lot of videos, some of them explained it well some not.
It's really interesting listening to someone who actually experienced it, but I'm happy that you got out of it well.

[Gayditor]

im knee deep in this delusion rn and it feels VISCERAL. it just feels like everything inside me is being eaten by worms and my body feels all spongey and goopy. Im here hoping this eases me and if it doesnt i guyess ill just find a way lol

[userx]

It's strange being tortured to death, leaving my body as my skull is crushed, watching my motionless corpse on the concrete, and then "respawning" in another room ad infinitum across alternate dimensions until time is decompressed and recompressed yet again to thrust me back into "reality"
The aftermath is weird as well. What you are talking about with Cotards delusion of heaven and hell after death, I also experienced during my first hospital visit most intensely.

[Nicana]

7:16 this is how I feel, but it's from a very severe depressive episode rather than the delusion that I'm actually dead. I feel like I exist, but I'm not alive. My life is over. I'm sort of a walking, talking body with a soul that's already departed. I tell myself often 'I'm already dead' - but I know I'm not. I'm alive but living in hell, and marking time on this earth until I inevitably die from old age, accident or disease.

I don't know if my experience is related to Cotards at all but some of what you say resonates with me so I thought I'd share that for what it's worth.

[McKenna-ns]

Wow I’m going to cry I had a fentanyl drug overdose and feel like this❤

[TheAtheistPerspective]

I find it very interesting that people believe they're dead, if you believe you are dead, then you probably have no idea what it means to be alive. So I would simply ask the person to define what do they think life it means to be alive?

[NY_Mountain_Man]

I'm glad you're back on the other side.

Hmm.. I often wonder whether the other side is all it's cracked up to me. Sure, they're very understanding (well, my new place of work and the gallery owner I talk to anyway). But if I were to start over socially, away from my past, I fear that's impossible. Social hierarchy and position get in the way far too much for my personal comfort levels. Thoughts on where people like could go? I think the real problem is that I'm trying to prove the world wrong about queer rights, etc, but while it's working, I'm just pissing quite a number of people who sold out to the machine of alienation for going against the social grain a long time ago. I'm not bitter anymore over it but I'm typically highly selective with who I interact with now. Otherwise, I'm on my guard constantly.

Hmmm... quite the difficult situation, eh?

[Babygirlyouretheheart]

How does one come to the conclusion they are alive again after experiencing this? /srs

[petarjovanovic]

Hello from austria ! Thanks for sharing everything with us, my brother is diagnosted with cotard, he thinks his dead and live in an Illusion matrix and do not want to take any medicamentations how you come out from this illussion ? What was your therapy

[patrickphilip]

It was hell! It was so scary and disgusting. I litetally thought I was dead and stopped eating and sleeping

[leahprichard]

How did u get better after like how long did it last? I had this terrible delusion 4 years ago I’ve had 9 ect done and I’m on many meds.I’m a Christian but for years I struggled with the idea I was going to hell.I still am depressed and can’t hardly do much did u remain in depression after the episode u had and do u feel normal now? Thanks for sharing ur experience I don’t know anyone personally that’s had this same thing happen to them.

[steffehjertquist]

Hej Carolynn🙂❣️!
First clip I’m watching from your channel and I can just say that you are an amazing woman to share this to everyone and also a very cute young lady! I’m a man from Sweden and I experienced a similar thing after I was fainting when playing music. A psychosis began and it was more like a nervous breakdown in fact after too much drinking! It took many, many years to ”understand” that I was still a ”real living person” again and I think I developed this so called Cotard syndrom… or if I got it directly after the incident! Don’t know. Nice if you would give me your thoughts about this?🧡! Have suffered a lot after this event and 30 years later (a rather long journey) I’m now much better! Have a panic disorder, PTSD and GAD! I’m an author and musician and a very sensitive person! Maybe I was affected because of my sensitivity! What do you think? New subscriber to your channel because I think all this is very important for people to understand! I became a buddhist after many years and now I can ”see” my true essence within! Bye, love and hugs from me🧡! // Steffe, Sweden🇸🇪🙂!!
(Hope you understand my schoolenglish🤪)….

[Leannatayloracrobat]

I Can’t tell if I have this delusion, or I’m watching this video from the afterlife🥲