Why we prefer being alone... despite feeling lonely

People generally agree that seeking close relationships is the solution when suffering at the hands of loneliness. We seek friendships to fill in the empty hole we’ve been experiencing. We join groups and clubs just to be around people – to feel the warmth of a community. But people tend to ignore the miseries accompanying these close relationships. When we consider the pain that goes together with closeness, it’s no surprise that many friendships result in fighting, and romantic relationships often fall apart dramatically. When dealing with others, we risk being betrayed, insulted, and abandoned.

#loneliness #loner #alone

[Stockbrot_]

I feel more lonely when I'm around others because it shows me that I don't fit in. I much prefer being alone. I'm happier alone and I can think more clearly.

[ICKY]

i find myself quoting this line a lot. "rather than feeling alone in a group, it's better to have real solitude all by yourself"

[elflakeador]

The day you finally realise that it's ok to be on your own is the most liberating day of your life.

[MrMwmussel]

The trick is learning to be okay alone. Once you are content with just yourself you can truly enjoy other without using them to fill something missing in yourself.

[ChanceBerryman]

You’re not “lonely”, you’re bored.

If you are engaged in projects or hobbies that you’re passionate about, you won’t have time to notice feeling of loneliness

[orfeas]

Don't have expectations and life becomes so much easier.

[haseotorres]

Despite being lonely? I LOVE being alone. 😊

[Mr.Honest]

It’s like life is always saying, “No matter what you’re feeling or going through, you WILL NOT escape pain and suffering for I will put it in EVERY single solution you try to come up with! If you’re feeling lonely and try to find people to take away that loneliness, I’ll put some other bullshit in people so that you get a different kind of pain!” Life doesn’t want us to escape pain. We’ll get breaks from it but ultimately it’ll follow us everywhere.

[vladquebec]

I love being alone, but you need to learn to be alone to appreciate it. Sometimes, we get into relationships just to satisfy a social requirement.

[aghhhhhhh-zb]

Man, I love being alone. Absolutely despise being in groups, just highlights how much I stand out and my difficulty in fitting in with others my age.

[SlickNick]

Better to be alone than around ppl who make u feel lonely

[debapriyaguha]

betrayal insult and abandonment ....couldn't have put it more accurately!

[mau]

Just be careful when differentiating solitude from isolation. Sometimes being alone is comfortable simply because you dread meeting or interacting with people. Overcoming that fear can enrich one‘s life because you acknowledge that other humans as a way to connect with the universe beyond your understanding

[lainiwakura]

To be alone, what an answer!
You have to be the first to relate to others in a positive and affectionate way, and choose people like you to be part of your life. Selfish and/or impulsive and/or weak people surround themselves by toxic people.

[enoch]

Fearful avoidant attachment can lead to this mindset. If being close is uncomfortable, we probably learned not to love ourselves because we never got past the relationship with the providers as an infant. Thus, a lack of skills to connect to healthy people in a healthy way.
"Closeness meant manipulation, so I stay away"

[alicea]

This ring so true for me. I don’t engage in a lot socializing so I don’t feel insulted. I don’t keep a lot of friends and don’t have romantic relationship because I’m scare of being betray and abandon. Being abandon by my friends really hurts. If it is done by a romantic partner I feel deeply about, idk how I’ll recover. I know there are good people out there. I just don’t believe I have fortune to have them in my life.

[teecee]

I've always been a loner. I've had friends here & there but would still class myself as a loner. In the last few years I have lost two close friendships. For different reasons. One friend I knew for more than thirty years. To cut a long story short they let me down. They weren't there for me when my dad & uncle died. Even though I had been there for them when their mum & grandparents died. Attending their funerals, etc. And calling my friend weekly to see how they were doing. Both before & after their mum passed. They never did the same for me.
My other friend turned into a Jeckyl & Hyde. We were close. I was a shoulder for them to cry on, when they were in a bad relationship. I opened my door to them, night & day. When I needed a shoulder they turned into a monster. Behaving in an erratic, moody, emotionally hostile manner towards me.
I ended both friendships. I had had enough. Life is short & I was sick of accommodating people. I don't regret ending the relationships. Even though they were pretty much my only friends. I like being on my own. I always have. It's peaceful. No drama, no confrontations, etc. I'm not lonely, never really have been. I just do better on my own.

[dumspirospernwdss]

No pain, no gain. What a bitter thought, to always prefer your own company, above anything else.
You should find something to celebrate, breath, have a little fun, cry alone or in some1's arms, work, dream, take walks, run, cook, eat, sleep, stay up all night, skip work, skip lessons, go to a concert, read, study, get into an argument...taste everything and leave nothing that this life offers you! Loosen up a bit, with stoicism. It's not the cure for everything you know. Peace!

[bigh]

The difficulty of being alone has more to do with societies/family expectations than how I’m doing in any given moment. When my attention is on peace and tranquility all is good. No drama or betrayal when I am only focusing on myself…

[sonicleaves]

I prefer just the company of my husband and our kids. No one else matters to me. No extended family or friends, I have none but I do have an amazing family I thank God for every day. I don't have enough energy for anyone else at this point.