5 Things You Should Never Say to an Autistic Child (or ANY child).

**EDIT: This video was made 10 years ago before the history of the term "Aspergers" was well-known and before it was removed to be replaced by Autism. I am keeping the video up because the information applies, but please know I am aware of the usage and have adapted my language moving forward.

🌈 Change Your Relationship with Your Kids in 10 Days!

Welcome! I'm Lori, and I founded Teach Through Love because I'm passionate about helping adults resolve daily conflicts and nurture children's development by using conscious communication.

Parents, teachers, and caregivers are the most influential people in a child's life. My Conscious Parenting Courses and Communication Cards have helped thousands of parents and professionals break free of reactive patterns and unconscious beliefs about "discipline" that keep them stuck in negative cycles with kids.

I want to help adults increase cooperation and connection by communicating in ways that help kids feel heard and capable of change. We can help them reach their full potential and learn to solve conflicts and collaborate with others when we shift how we respond to their needs and feelings.

Lori Petro I TEACH through Love
Author / Educator / Child Advocate

Connect with me on:
Twitter: @TeachThruLove

Subscribe for Updates & I'll send you my NEW FREE Training.
#TeachThroughLove
#ConsciousCommunication

[Holy]

"Calm down." Instant hot button for me. Especially if I already am calm. It does the total opposite.

[Ledyba]

"Stop overreacting!" My dad's favourite thing to say to me, just like "stop crying" as if it's a choice...

[tommytaylorberge]

6th thing to not say:

"It's not THAT bad/it's not that hard."

[KARENboomboomROXX]

"you are doing this on purpose" (not complying with whatever)
"You just don't want to do anything"
"Why can't you just do what I ask?"
"Stop that" (stimming)
"What's the matter with you?"

[darkfire]

For the hyper sensitivity to stimuli, I can literally hear, see, and feel when somebody is upset or angry in my house. My dad came home in a bad mood yesterday, and I saw the look in his eyes. I knew he was not his happy self. When I felt him walk past me, I felt the anger and the disappointment radiating off of him, and I heard it in his footsteps. It's weird that I notice these things and nobody else in my house can- other than the dogs.

[misspinkpunkykat]

I needed a REASON why I was supposed to do something. "Because I said so" wasn't a reason. Plus you couldn't intimidate me with your "authority". I would only respect someone if they respected me as well. I had teachers who were abusive and a father who threatened to punch my teeth our for talking with the "wrong" tone of voice. I could never control the tone of my voice...I often got upset with my parents about their tone but they would tell me people can't control their tone all the time. Then why did they expect me too? I eventually threatened my father back by telling him I would report him for domestic violence if he ever threatened to hit me again.

[nutik]

My mom always tells me to do like 3-4 things at once, and it often ticks me off, because I can only keep track at so much at once.

[hugosalinasaliaga]

Writing it here to remember the five (5) things to never say to a child (with Aspergers):
1. You are TOO sensitive / over-reacting.
2. You are so disrespectful / being defiant.
3. If you would just / why can't you
4. Why would you say something like that?
5. LOOK AT ME!

[LexusFox]

I love how when you give examples of phrases that work, you’re actually spot on. I always hated communicating with my dad because he speaks in halfs, horrible at conversation.

“Pull it up.”
“Pull what up?”
“The lever!”
“There’s 3 colors, what color of lever do I pull up?”
“Just do what I’m telling you!”

Is it SO hard for someone to talk precise and clear!? “Can you come pick me up at the airport today at about 3PM?” works, “pick me up at the airport later.” means nothing.

[cooksmary]

I love this. I was blessed with a lovely Aspie child, who is now an adult, with great empathy and insight. I always knew he was not disrespectful, or defiant. I was blamed for his behavior, I guess because I did not harshly punish him in front of people. I always knew he was trying harder than I ever could have, and my respect overflows for him. Well, I love him and am thankful for him. He has taught me so much more than I have taught him.

[HaysterTheOtaku]

This video made me cry because it explained in detail the problems that I've been facing my whole life and I myself could never seem to explain it right thank you I want to try showing this to my parents maybe now they might understand me a little better

[iconoclastic]

Thanks for dispelling the "aspies don't feel empathy" myth. A better expression might be, "aspies don't show empathy in the same way neurotypicals do". If anything I have an almost crippling overabundance of empathy. Most people seem to feel truly empathetically only towards those in their family, or in their immediate proximity; with a diminishing empathetic response as relatedness/proximity diminishes. They might jump in a pool if a little girl from their neighborhood is drowning and ruin their $500 italian dress shoes in the process; but it would never occur to them that $500 expense could save the lives of ten little girls dying from malnutrition or starvation in some other part of the world. I don't differentiate the value of lives in such a manner, yet I'm seen as the one with the broken brain. I think the neurotypical form of empathy is far more broken than mine.

[eastbaysf]

I have AS and I can tell you its my goal to make everyone happy every second of the day.I worry about everything.. I grew up being misunderstood and accused of being rude all the time.. I was just asking things differently than they would...so they concluded I was rude.. Our expectations are sometimes a bit too high and we need to be more flexible with folks like me. Thanks, nice video.

[sciencetroll]

"You are perfectly normal "  has me wanting to throw bricks.

[halfblood]

My mom told me to "take a moment", "think about what's going on", or "think about what you are doing". For seven years, this has worked to shock me out of the rythum of my melt down and triggers my need to analyze and understand.
But when I was younger the only way I knew to calm down was to read. Expecially, one of my favorite books, an encyclopedia on horses. This allowed me to focus on something other than what was causing me to be overwhelmed.

[adrian]

and one more thing you just shouldent say to your kids is something along the lines of why cant you be more like such and such

[ImaCreativeKiwi]

Thank you!
As a child, I was driven to believe I was a problem.
This video is the first positive piece of advice I've ever seen on how to treat Autistic children.

[seatbelttruck]

"Too sensitive" is SO ANNOYING! I'm not too sensitive, you're too callous (Ok, that's probably not fair either). But it really isn't fair to tell anybody that.

The "disrespectful" thing can be helpful if done right. I had a teacher take me aside after math class in sixth grade and tell me she had felt like I was being disrespectful to her during class. It wasn't said in an accusing way, and it was alone, not in front of the class where I would have been embarrassed. I hadn't realized I was being disrespectful (I was just frustrated and venting) and broke into tears, but it wasn't a negative experience over all, and I tried to remember that and avoid it again.

Oh gosh. Unsolicited advice. I correct people so much. It isn't intentional. I'm trying to be helpful. I'm trying to catch it so I don't insult people, but it's hard.

My parents were awesome. I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult, but my mom was able to figure out a lot of the advice people give to parents of autistic kids on her own anyway. She certainly wasn't perfect, but she did amazing given the resources she had.

[Saucyakld]

It gives me an inside what my little grandson feels and how he acts. I hug him, he does not seem to want hugs, I gently talk to him, he does not want to listen. But one day I sat down and I felt a pair of little arms come around my neck and I got a huge hug from him. I cried! First hug! So all my gentle patience and putting it another way won me a hug that is worth more than millions. Thank you for teaching me to understand him.

[TheNellehFox]

One thing that always stuck out to me as a kid, was the phrase "Your going to make my ears bleed", whenever I was going on a bit with a subject. Now my parents wonder why I don't really talk.