I'm Hesitating to Tell You This...

I'm Hesitating to Tell You This...

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[aleah]

"this is part of the story no one tells you."
Yep💯💯💯💪

[megamaze]

I was so depressed after having our second child. It wasn’t postpartum depression, it was depression from how hard it really was every single day and no one was willing to help.
She’s not alone. I haven’t met a stay-at-home mom who doesn’t have those feelings of defeat and failure. Our culture doesn’t care about new moms and how grueling it can be when our children are little. And *no one* tells the truth about how lonesome it can be.

[babetweirdgirl]

Yes. Yes. Exactly. No one talks about this enough and it feels like you got hit by a train. And that's just how it is until baby is a year old. Every postpartum was like this. The housework, cooking, homeschooling, sleep deprivation, wacky hormones, none of it stops just because baby is here.

[rowdyraccoon]

Solid communication helped a lot with this issue in my home. I'm a sahm. We have a 2 year old and a baby due in a couple weeks. I told my husband that after spending all day being constantly needed and touched by a toddler while also having the physical burdens of being heavily pregnant, by the time he gets home the last thing I want is to be touched anymore. Every evening, I get an hour to go be in my bedroom by myself now. That's all it took to feel better. I just needed that break.

[suzanneanderson]

This is totally normal. 49 years ago I had a son and then 14 months later a daughter. I didn’t think I would ever get a good nights sleep again. It does get easier with time. If you have a mother, mother in law, sister, friend, who could give you a few hours off every week for a good sound nap, or shopping without the kids, it would help immensely. My daughter died a few years ago from cancer - she was 45. I would give anything to be holding her in the rocking chair on one of those sleepless nights. Take a deep breath and hold your babies close. We dont know how long we get to keep them.

[TheCranberryClaire]

It happened to me. And he left because I had « changed ». And I kept communicating and telling him I felt I lost my mojo and needed him. Needed him to lead and to support me. And he decided to go and support (including financially) another woman with no child because she had time for him. No one tells you that part of the story, No one warns the men that they have to become leaders and stay faithful on that short rocky road.

[heydavis]

100% totally true! No one tells you this in preparation for parenthood!

[lolabear]

Good advice. I would like to add that it is our modern society that is to blame for a lot of family issues like this. Society isn’t set up for healthy functioning of families. The time a small child has to spend strapped into a car seat or high chair alone is exhorbitant. Not healthy. Parents don’t have much choice: they have to do what they have to do that society demands. We need to support stay at home moms. They are very isolated. We need to support working dads. They can’t make enough alone to provide for a family. The toll it takes on everyone is unrelenting. Then, finger pointing happens, because we are expecting this modern life to “work out.” Be normal. It isn’t normal for both parents to have to work full time. It isn’t normal for children to be carted around half the day when they should be running and playing outside in nature. Nothing about modern society is conducive to healthy families.

[elirios]

I’m fairly new to parenting but I got the marriage part down. Everyone talks about communication but being comfortable with communicating is key. For instance she is on a podcast revealing her sorrows when this could all be brought to the man she chose to make a family with. I want all of it. The good the bad, I want my wife to let me know everything that’s on her mind and heart. It’s been the foundation to our marriage as well as raising a family. We have two 18 months apart and it’s challenging but nothing is more rewarding.

[annafoy]

I had the blessing of a hands on new dad in my husband and both my Mum and Dad to help me when both my girls were born, and even then I struggled with post partum depression. Thankfully it passed. Be gentle with yourselves new Mothers. It does get better. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends and family. I would be honoured to help a new Mum, or any Mum struggling ❤

[msmrsro]

Especially for mothers of littles, being touched and climbed on and attached all day long can become a situation where the last thing you want is to be touched.

[merlady]

Her spouse needs to jump in and help her, not worry about where he fits. Him not doing something to help with the house, kids, etc., is why he feels like he doesn't fit. The annoying part is he has no clue about all the additional things she is handling, while her body is recovering, and he expects her to do everything, w/o his additional assistance. Letting your wife get that overwhelmed and burnt out right in front of you, and doing nothing is not normal.

[Angry_cabbage]

I have a two year old, one year old, and a newborn. I’ve had PPD since my first. I am 23 and before getting pregnant I was very small and looked not like the prettiest girl in the room but I was at least kinda pretty. After getting stretch marks on half my body, losing some of my hair, gaining a ton of weight and my skin looking worse than ever I feel like there’s no hope to getting back to where I was and I wish I had more time in that body before losing it. That on top of being absolutely exhausted and sleeping for about an hour every night for months has made intimacy nearly impossible and when it is possible I feel horrible about myself the whole time. It’s the ugly side to having kids that no one ever mentions. I love them, I’d do it all over again if I had to but it’s a mental struggle I’ve dealt with every single day since I was pregnant with my first baby.

[joniatoms]

You are correct no one told me, and it ended my first marriage, so sad

[thedognoseknows]

Most men don't have a clue what women go thru. I'm almost 60. I'm tired of taking care of people and pets. It never ends.

[DylanWOWilliams]

I needed to hear this. I’m the husband who does way too much. Have a 5 month old, a three year old, and a 5 year old. My wife is amazing, but she’s struggling with depression and anxiety and I have to carry most of the daily chores and a full time job. It’s so overwhelming and hard.

Things seem to be getting better though. My wife is fighting to overcome. We’re rebuilding intimacy and we’re determined to build a routine that will save us.

[Cyberdyneskynet]

This is our 5th child now and our 3rd back to back. My husband helps me soooo much! He’s a very macho Mexican American man but he loves helping me and I am very honest with him about how I’m feeling, my boobies hurting, me being sore down there. He’s very cute and subtle and doesn’t take no for an answer but in the cutest ways. He takes his time and makes sure I feel comfortable and if I’m tired he lets me sleep.
All that being said he and I have had our ups and downs with all our kids and homeschooling and cooking cleaning and all
The maintenance of home owner problems. It’s difficult but if we are honest and good to each other it helps so much in the struggles of motherhood and marriage. This too shall pass ❤

[georgejackson]

As the new dad and husband of 4 months, when my first child was born, when first holding my Baby Girl I had no idea of where I fit in. It seemed that all these things were happening and I was just there. I imagined that I was supposed to feel a certain joy and elation. I felt confused and lost.

It took a few weeks, as I tend to recall, but eventually it all just fit.

Marriage is (was) phenomenal!!

[saarademari]

I’m so glad he said that because after the first year of raising a child…that’s usually when relationships fail and you realize that person wasn’t a good fit

[DeviousFink]

The healthiest marriages know that it's just a season. And wanting your kids to be close in age is a garbage reason to have them all 18-24 months apart. Your relationship will NOT recover that quickly if it was already on shaky ground. Space them farther if it gives you time to rebuild first. Husband and wife first, parents and kids second.